Dans Proximité Proche - In Close Proximity
by NyxonVyxen
Summary: Non-clone; Another college story, yes? Delphine happens upon a lost stranger in the non-stereotypical rain and decides to lend a hand. After befriending the girl, Delphine begins to learn more about her and her girlfriend. The more she learns, the more defensive and protective she becomes. Complications arise as time goes on. Rated M for language and adult themes.
1. Plus-One

**1\. Plus-One**

Living in the States for the better part of four years, one may expect to be settled in comfortably, perhaps acquire a few friends. For Ms. Cormier, such expectations were not relevant. Since she first moved to Minnesota from France, the people around her had never been a priority. Her plans to return to France after graduating with a doctorate lead her to keep to herself in order to maintain high grades. Grades had never been a problem, but Delphine often uses this as reasoning for her isolation.

The peers that she's spent the last few years sharing classes, studying, and partnering with have come to understand her quietness, but she would often be considered cold and snobbish by strangers or professors. These personality traits, though, have helped Delphine evade friendships and relationships altogether. Her home in France never offered many friends and boys rarely caught her attention, so she was used to being alone without feeling lonely. This all, of course, being much to her mother's dismay, claiming that her only purpose to live on is a lovely son-in-law and three or ten magnificent babies.

Delphine found much more comfort in her little apartment by the University, alone for the most part. After living with her parents for so many years, including the entirety of undergrad, she took the opportunity to test drive independence and accept a scholarship to the University of Minnesota to study the sciences. So, one may expect someone like Delphine to have also taken this special opportunity to test drive irresponsibility and a social life, perhaps acquire a few friends. No such test drive was taken, though. Ms. Cormier continued to avoid human interaction, simple or complex, and social events, small or large.

However, this particular Friday was different. The last Friday before a whole week of Spring break. The Sciences Department thought it pertinent to have a party – all students and instructors of the department invited. The only reason that Delphine accepted the invitation was the location. Once she heard the words "old, abandoned wing" come out of Scott's mouth, there was no question about her attendance.

"Oh, also, everyone get's a plus-one if you want to bring someone with you," Scott could barely disguise his questioning tone. It was obvious that he was asking whether she had someone to bring or not. Delphine always found it endearing, and since Scott never really made a move, she didn't worry too much about crushing hopes.

"Well, I don't really have a _one to plus_," she tried not to smile when she saw the relief on his face. "How about you?"

"Nope, no one for me". They both cringed at his rapid and somewhat pathetic answer.

"Alright, then, why don't you be my plus-one and I will be yours? That way no one will make fun of us," she knew that would probably make Scott's day, even week, and he deserved something to be happy about. After doing so poorly on his last exam, stress has been keeping a moderate grip on him. Of course, he agreed, and they said their goodbyes for the day.

All day Friday Delphine couldn't contain her impatience to see the old science wing. They called it a wing, but really it was just a short hall with classroom doors that no one used for class. It was abandoned sometime before Delphine started her education there, some explosion or leak or chemical spill rendered it unusable for a while. Students started to fabricate elaborate rumors about a violent murder or someone melting in acid, leaving the whole wing haunted. Several of the newer teachers fell for the stories, too. Though, stories like this didn't convince or intimidate Delphine.

The last class of the day glacially made its arrival and Delphine's notebook, laptop, and pens were all packed before the last few minutes ended the class. The "party" started at 6:00 p.m. so, there wasn't any need to rush, but Delphine found herself speed-walking home to shower and dress anyway. It wasn't a formal event by any means, but she still put a little more effort into her looks. Rather than wear her typical jeans-and-jacket ensemble, she chose a nice black blouse and fitted maroon pants. After a light dusting of makeup and a spritz of perfume, she was on her way back to campus.

Delphine arrived at the lab a couple minutes early, as was her habitual preference, and immediately found Scott setting up the drink and snack table with one of their professors. She walked in his direction to help them finish, noting the French pop music playing in the background, which she found curious. Professor Mayer – who always insisted students call him Mike – was the first to notice Delphine's approach, seeing her attention focused on the stereo where the music was coming from.

"You like the tunes?" He asked with his growl of a voice, sounding too much like a parent trying to be with-it. "Scotty here made the playlist".

Scott blushed hard and averted his eyes to organizing the already-perfectly-organized napkins, "Yeah, I-I wasn't sure what kind of music you liked so I just got some stuff from the French Top 100 pop songs". Delphine smiled widely, nodding in a positive response to the quirky, but thoughtful, young man. Seeing everything was under control, she decided to explore the large lab room.

It took about thirty minutes, Delphine watching people slowly filter in, until the room was at it's full capacity. Although Scott wanted to spend the entire evening attached to Delphine's side – which he did try hard to do – he had quite a few friends in the department that required socializing. Delphine didn't mind being left to her own devices, she was used to it, and the French music, although it was nothing she would necessarily choose to listen to back home, was still a nice distraction. The lab was bare, nothing more interesting than the labs she's used to working in. She was slightly disappointed, but not surprised.

As an effective motivator for turnout, beer and wine were served with the vegetable and fruit trays. Delphine drank enough to feel slightly buzzed by the time she was approached by one of the classmates she talked to more than the others. "Hey Del, I like the theme music. Your choice?"

"Scott's. He made the whole playlist for tonight," Delphine replied with an amiable smile.

"What a sweetie. I think he's crushing on you pretty hard. Who wouldn't though, I mean damn, girl. If I wasn't taken…" Delphine blushed slightly and chuckled at the wink thrown her way. "I'll talk to you later, Del. Don't drink too much. Scotty might have a dark side". She turned on her heel after another playful wink.

"Bye, Shay," Delphine called as she rolled her eyes. Shay was always quite flirtatious with her, but she could never tell if it was her personality or if the shorter blond was actually hitting on her. Shay liked to talk about girlfriends or boyfriends, which she seemed to have a multitude of. Delphine had met several of her girlfriends and one boyfriend – Shay insisted on introducing them to everyone she knew. It was always a little awkward for everyone and it seemed like Shay was just trying to validate her romantic claims. It wasn't that Delphine didn't believe her, she really just didn't care enough to show interest.

It was only shortly after eight when Delphine started thinking about going home. She didn't have much more to drink, taking Shay's suggestion more based on the fact that it was late, and she had to walk several blocks in the dark. Scott noticed Delphine retrieving her coat and jogged over to her. The quick movement caught Shay's attention, who gave Delphine a mischievous look before starting to walk over with a "coming to the rescue" expression, or maybe just to egg things on.

"Hey, Delphine, I hope you had a good time," Scott said out of breath, maybe from more than just the jog over.

"Oui, thank you for the thoughtful music selection," she replied politely, shrugging her coat over her shoulders just as Shay arrived, which Scott didn't seem to notice.

"Good, good. Well, um, I was just wondering if you had plans for Spring break? I would really like to maybe take you out to dinner or a movie or something. You know, if that's cool with you," Scott mumbled, sweat making an appearance on his hairline.

Shay opened her mouth to speak, and Delphine knew nothing good could come of whatever she planned. She cut Shay off before any damage could be done, "That sounds nice, Scott but, my boyfriend might not like the idea," she lied with sympathy. He was a nice guy, after all.

"Oh," Scott said lowly, looking deflated. Delphine noticed Shay's expression deflate ever so slightly as well before turning into a smirk. Her attention was brought back to Scott, "Okay, um, sorry about that. Yeah, uh, have a good break and all. Bye". He quickly retreated to his group of friends, almost running over Shay.

"A mystery boyfriend, Del? I'm offended to have only overheard about it," Shay clicked her tongue before returning to her socializing as well. Delphine rolled her eyes for what seemed to be the hundredth time that night, and finally left for home. She hoped her acquaintanceship with Scott wasn't unbearably awkward when they returned from Spring break.

Delphine hadn't planned on going anywhere during her break. She would probably end up studying, if anything. She turned her television on while she removed her clothes to shower. The local news was finishing up and the forecast for the next week's weather took up the screen as a young man appeared to expand on the graphic.

_…expecting thunderstorms tonight, and heavy rain for the next three days…Tuesday in the lower temperatures, clear skies…Temperatures drop again on Wednesday through Friday, seeing high chances of precipitation, likely snow, strong winds…_

Thinking about her lack of transportation means, Delphine decides to re-dress and walk to the closest grocery store to stock up on food for the week. She didn't have much in her kitchen. She leaves her cellphone at home since it's dead anyway, it should be charged by the time she gets back. It's a short walk, and Delphine is only inside the low-ceiling building for a couple of minutes before the night clouds are throwing pellet-sized rain drops down with lightning and thunder. She mentally praises herself for remembering an umbrella and continues her shopping.

She doesn't end up getting much, only three bags of some perishables and the necessary wine. It was still raining violently, but the lightning and thunder had calmed to an occasional strike and boom. She was only three blocks from her apartment building when she saw a small shivering figure with a magazine over their head – presumably being used as a makeshift umbrella. The person looked lost and they were shaking relentlessly. Delphine wasn't typically one for immediate empathy – not that she was completely uncaring – but for some reason this poor frozen thing struck a protective response in Delphine's chest. The person had their back turned to Delphine, but she could detect the anxiety that emanated from them, maybe from more than just lost and cold? Delphine decided to approach the person, softly tapping their shoulder, when the girl abruptly jumped and spun around to face Delphine.

Delphine jumped back as well, started by the reaction. The woman looked absolutely terrified, but in an endearing way, Delphine thought to herself. She took in the mystery-woman's features, lit only by the dull street lamp and changing traffic lights – _Green_. She had thick-rimmed glasses with darkly-lined eyes behind them and her hair was up in some kind of large bun. Her bottom lip was trembling, probably from both the cold and Delphine's unexpected approach.

Delphine realized then that she was staring at the woman, not saying anything, and quickly tried to correct herself. "J-je vous ai vu et vous avez l'air froid. Est-ce que vous..."

"I don't speak French, dude," the woman interrupted with a giggle – _Yellow_ – Delphine was staring again, confused until she realized what she had done. It took her longer than it really should have.

"I'm sorry, I didn't…What I meant is you look cold. Do you need help with anything? Are you lost?" Delphine stuttered, trying to talk over the sound of the downpour hitting the cement – _Red_.

"You know, as long as it doesn't start raining, I think I'll be okay," the woman deadpanned. When Delphine responded with another look of confusion, she giggled again. "I'm kidding, obvs. I think I'm lost and my phone is useless at the moment. Do you know the area?"

Delphine blushed at her idiocy, hoping the stranger couldn't tell. "I don't really know the area that well, no. But I live near here – just down that way – and my phone is at home, if you'd like to use it and be out of the rain for a couple minutes?" She had no idea why she just invited a complete stranger to her home. She didn't know where the thought or the words came from, they just came out and she immediately regretted it. She didn't try to back out of her offer though, curious about the situation. The girl seemed tentative, but eventually agreed, evaluating her current state of wandering aimlessly in a storm as warranting the offer.

"My name is Cosima, by the way," the woman said as they started their journey.

"Delphine," she smiled. "Enchantée".

They didn't talk much on the walk back to Delphine's place with the rain so overpowering. Cosima told Delphine about how her cellphone slipped from her hand when she was trying to text the person she planned on meeting as a surprise. The device landed in a pothole filled with muddy rain water in the asphalt, water-logging it and leaving the screen with a massive crack down the center. Delphine listened intently, intrigued by Cosima's mannerisms, the way her hands flew around as she explained her predicament, her voice. Their arms were in almost constant contact the entire way, sharing the umbrella. Delphine swore the light brushes warmed her more than her own coat.

They stopped in front of a brick building and Delphine got her key out. Delphine only lived on the second floor, so she always took the stairs. The elevator looked too risky. Cosima trailed behind her, attempting to whip the water out of her shirt sleeves. Delphine looked back every so often as little drops of water hit the back of her neck, smiling at the adorable, dark-haired woman who was just barely making it up the stairs without slipping. When they entered her apartment, Delphine put her groceries on the kitchen counter and removed her coat, watching as Cosima stood idly near the door. She caught herself staring again, and quickly left for her bedroom, gesturing for Cosima to give her a moment, remembering the purpose of her visit.

Delphine released an exasperated sigh as she saw her phone on her nightstand, _next_ to her charger instead of plugged into it. She was in such a rush to get to the grocery store after listening to the forecast, that she missed half the steps of the two-step process that would charge her phone – _1\. Own a phone; 2. Plug phone in._ She plugged it in and returned to the living room where Cosima hadn't moved.

"Hey, sorry, em, my phone ran out of battery and apparently didn't quite make it to its cord," Delphine stuttered with a nervous laugh, finding it difficult to keep her eyes focused on just one area of the shorter woman's body. She rubbed the back of her neck, unsure of what to do next.

"Oh, it's all good. I guess I'll get going, then," Cosima replied awkwardly.

"No, no! You're still soaking wet," Delphine quickly interjected, moving in her direction. "Also, it's late and dark and still raining. I can at least dry your clothes for you. You can borrow some of mine while they dry. Would that be alright?"

"Oh, um, yeah that sounds like a good idea. I mean, if that's cool with you?"

"Of course," Delphine said a little too quickly, "And by the time they're done, my phone will definitely be charged". She knew she was being overenthusiastic and she knew Cosima could just use her phone while it was plugged in, but Delphine was content with ignoring these things.

"Okay," Cosima giggled at Delphine's eagerness, "Sounds like a plan".

Delphine smiled and rushed back to her room to find something for the young woman to wear. She felt flustered and wasn't sure why, eventually chalking it up to having a complete stranger in her home. Delphine didn't feel scared around the woman, even though she probably should, given the circumstances. She had a different kind of uneasiness that she couldn't quite place, though.


	2. The Bread, Dog, Cat, Orange, Sun

**2\. The Bread, Dog, Cat, Orange, Sun, House, Love, Cup**

Delphine eventually picked out some sweatpants and a large t-shirt, warning Cosima that they would probably be too big. After Cosima closed the door to the bathroom, Delphine retrieved her laptop from her desk in hopes of providing a little more direction, if possible, for the woman.

The woman who was undressing in her home.

She couldn't seem to rid her head of the troublesome and unwelcome craving for Cosima to stay as long as possible. Delphine was promptly brought back to reality when the bathroom door creaked open and a much dryer-looking Cosima stepped out. Delphine couldn't help but laugh, covering her mouth in a poor attempt to muffle the sound. Cosima looked like she had draped a long grey blanket over her shoulders and wrapped the rest around her legs. Granted, she was wearing some of Delphine's loosest clothing.

"Yeah yeah, laugh at the shorty," she scrunched her face in the cutest expression of contempt. Cosima sauntered over to the couch where Delphine sat, who barely squeezed in a half-hearted apology through waves of giggles. She dropped down on the couch as Delphine wore herself out of her laughing fit, only made worse by Cosima's adorable smirk.

"I, em, I thought maybe your destination could be easier to find with the assistance of technology that isn't currently incapacitated," Delphine gestured to her computer with the browser opened, but Cosima just looked at her, gaping and causing Delphine to blush slightly.

"Dude, like, how long have you lived in America?"

"Almost four years, why?"

"Your English is impeccable. Sadly, much better than most people who have been here their entire lives," Cosima said with a grin but shaking her head in disappointment at her fellow nation-mates.

Delphine couldn't help the pink tint that seemed to be making a comfortable home on her cheeks. She stuttered a few indiscernible noises in response and quickly looked back to her laptop's screen. "So…do you have the address to…" Delphine pointed to the browser, trailing off.

"Oh!" Cosima grabbed her phone from her small bag, but paused when she saw the cracked face, reminding her of her unfortunate blunder. She looked back up at Delphine slowly with an apologetic look in her eyes, "Uh, I think it's, like, apartment 12…or maybe 21 somewhere…in town? That's all I got".

"Oh, well I guess we'll just have to wait so you can call your friend," Delphine laughed nervously, secretly happier than she should be about the delay. Why was she so giddy? This poor woman was lost and in a stranger's home (out of desperation, probably), and she was delighted at the presence. She felt rather greedy. "I will go bring your clothes to the dryer downstairs. You can find something to watch if you like". Delphine got up and headed to the basement with the heap of soaked clothing, not missing the matching lace undergarments that somehow got just as soaked as her shirt.

When she returned, she saw that Cosima had found an old, very cheesy, Hallmark channel holiday romance and was engrossed enough to miss Delphine's return. "I didn't know they were still playing Christmas films this time of year," Delphine said with a trace of teasing in her voice.

Cosima whipped her head around and eyed Delphine playfully, "Don't judge, French Toast," she looked back at the t.v., "their love is deep and profound".

"They're arguing. And…French Toast?"

"They're in a _passionately heated discussion_. And yes. French. Toast," Cosima stuck her tongue out in the most adorable way. Delphine covered her smile with an eye roll, still perplexed by these nagging emotions. "I secretly love Hallmark. Don't tell a soul or I'll have to kill you," Cosima flashed her a brilliant smile and patted the seat next to her, "Come enjoy the magic of Christmas romance in the deep South".

How could she resist? Delphine kicked off her shoes and wandered over to the reserved cushion next to Cosima. "And why do I have the privilege to know your secret?"

"Well, _mon amie_," Cosima (poorly) accentuated the French accent, "I currently have nothing to give you in return for your generous services. So, I'll pay you with my most secret secrets," she finished with a wink. _A wink?!_

Delphine shifted in her seat, blushing and pulling her lip between her teeth. "I thought you couldn't speak French," Delphine managed to redirect.

"Shh! They're about to make up," Cosima grabbed onto Delphine's wrist and focused on the television. Delphine, however, could only pay attention to the warm, gentle grip embracing her skin and how she never wanted it to stop. This woman had made herself perfectly comfortable in Delphine's home, which is something Delphine would normally take issue with, but welcomed it from Cosima. She was fascinating, she had to admit. And what was with her hair? Delphine had never seen such a style before.

Apparently, she was caught staring – again – with Cosima giving her a knowing smirk. "Never seen dreads?"

"I, em," Delphine stuttered, trying to regain composure with Cosima's hand still around her wrist and those big dark eyes staring into hers, waiting. "Dread…you are scared? I promise not to murder you".

The woman laughed and let go of Delphine's wrist, leaving her feeling deprived of a warmth she never really had ahold of. She pulled at the long dark locks that were now out of her bun and dangling from a large hair tie. "Dreadlocks. These things".

"Oh, no. I've never seen hair do that," Delphine felt the down the length of a lock Cosima stretched in her direction. She thought she saw Cosima shudder faintly and grinned to herself. She squeezed the rough tendril and several drops of rain water ran down her knuckles. She chuckled as she withdrew a few more drops, "You are so wet". Delphine's smile drops when she realizes the double meaning behind her words.

"It's not something I can control, French Fry, given the circumstances," Cosima replies with a pleasant grin, eyebrow raised.

Delphine blushed a violent red and her eyes widen as they stare at Cosima. "The c-circumstances?"

Cosima's smile grew as she pointed to the window behind them, rain still pouring loudly outside. "Hard to stay dry when that's happening".

"Oh," Delphine let out a rather forceful breath of relief, "The rain, yes". Delphine rose from the couch, turning her embarrassment to the kitchen. "How did you manage to soak everything you were wearing? Did you just stand out in the rain as soon as the storm began?"

"Oh, that, well…it's possible I may have fibbed slightly about how my phone broke". Delphine turned back to see Cosima awkwardly smiling. She crossed her arms and shrugged her shoulders so Cosima would continue. "My phone did actually face its demise in a gross pothole, the only thing I forgot to mention was that I may have accompanied it".

Delphine contained her laugh, but a large grin took place on her lips. "You poor thing. Charmant, mais maladroit".

"Don't know what _maymaladwa_ means, but as for charming," Cosima replied with a devilish smirk again. "Well, I'm flattered". Caught off-guard once again, Delphine floundered for a moment before turning again and making her way to the kitchen.

"Do you want anything to eat or drink? I just went to the store – oh you already know that. I, em, have food and wine, and fresh baguettes. Are you hungry? I can make something, if you want," Delphine pauses, out of breath from rambling. This was not helping the hotness in her face one bit.

She felt more than heard Cosima's snicker, a short wave of air hitting the back of her neck and sending goosebumps down her back. She froze, realizing Cosima must have followed her into the kitchen and was now directly behind her. "You know, I think the problem here is that your just not French enough," Cosima stuck her tongue out as she turned herself in front of Delphine, making it necessary for the blond to look down at her, only inches away.

"I-I'm not…what?"

"Wine…baguettes. Get yourself a poodle and beret, I might believe we're actually in Paris".

Delphine's heart raced at their proximity and all she could manage was a breathy, "Oh," finding herself unable to take the much-needed step back. "I…suppose you're right," Delphine added nervously.

"I'm kidding, French, uhm...braids. Let's have wine," Cosima said excitedly with a large smile plastered across her face, clapping her hands together, and finally putting some space between them.

"You're welcome to call me Delphine, you know," Delphine said with her new semi-permanent grin, retrieving a couple glasses from the cupboard. She poured their wine and handed Cosima a glass, shivering once again as their fingers brushed. She thought she saw a smug expression flash across Cosima's face out of the corner of her eye. What was she so smug about?

Cosima took a generous gulp of her wine before replying, "When I run out of this killer French material, I think I'll be able to handle calling you Delphine". Cosima squeezed past Delphine to continue enjoying all that Hallmark had to offer, calling back to the Frenchwoman, "That's a beautiful name, by the way".

Delphine, surprised by the unexpected sincerity, held the cool glass up to her cheek for a moment, trying to bring down the rosy wash before following Cosima to the couch, "Merci. Your name is lovely as well…Co-si-ma. Unique". The dark-haired woman giggled again, a sound that was quickly becoming one of Delphine's favorites.

After finishing her second glass of wine (adding to the remnants of intoxication from the party earlier), Delphine felt much more relaxed around the girl. She wasn't sure why she was so tightly-wound in the first place. Cosima seemed to be more at ease as well, not that she needed any help. She was absorbed in the film, half-way over now, but would still turn and chat with Delphine frequently. Delphine didn't miss the many times Cosima's eyes flitted to her lips, or when her innocent touches lasted half a second more than they should. Delphine didn't mind, though. In fact, she felt herself yearning for another half-second of contact each time.

Delphine's body was growing warmer. She told herself it was from the alcohol. Admittedly, she had drank more than she usually did, just to calm the nerves that were at full attention when in the proximity of Cosima. Cosima seemed to be getting sleepy, probably a combination of the wine and the fact that it was fairly late. Even though Delphine really didn't want her time with this fascinating new woman to end, she forced herself to go check the dryer for Cosima's clothes.

When she unlocked the basement door, the dryer was quiet. Delphine was never so displeased to have laundry be finished. She shuffled over to the machine and started taking the clothes out when she discovered they were still soaking wet. They felt no dryer than when she had put them in. She glanced up at the coin slot and tiny screen that was flashing the words PUSH START and let out an exasperated sigh. She felt like an idiot for, once again, forgetting half the steps in a two-step process. Coins in. Push start. Though, she did realize that this postponed Cosima's departure. Maybe she did it subconsciously? She reluctantly pressed start and practically skipped back upstairs.

When she swung the door open, Cosima jumped, startled by the sudden noise. Delphine looked at her droopy eye lids, catching on quickly that she must have fallen asleep. She smiled to herself for no particular reason.

"You really want me to stay that bad, huh?" Cosima crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows at Delphine with that devilish grin. When Delphine only responded with half-hearted stutters, Cosima elaborated, "You've returned empty handed".

"Oh," Delphine said with a nervous laugh, "They…they were still wet, so they'll have to dry for a bit longer". Technically it was true. She was already jittery enough around Cosima, she didn't need yet another humiliation. Additionally, Cosima seemed to enjoy teasing her and providing more ammunition didn't seem wise.

"Are you gonna come watch the ending, _ma chérie?_" Cosima wiggled her fingers over the cushion beside her.

"I distinctly remember you saying you couldn't speak French," Delphine ventured without moving, feeling more comfortable again, "And I also distinctly remember you speaking French several times tonight – awfully". She smirked as she took a few cautious steps toward the couch.

Suddenly, Delphine felt her arm being grabbed and pulled downward, another hand grasping above the first like it was a rope being climbed. Cosima dragged her all the way to the couch until Delphine nearly collapsed on top of her, just barely catching her fall by kneeling on the couch over Cosima, bracing herself with her hand on the back of the couch. Cosima giggled, clearly at least buzzed if not drunk, but the only thing Delphine could comprehend was the closeness of their faces, noses almost touching. She could feel her heart racing, forsaking the calmness that the alcohol had brought her. A whispered string of words made it to her ears, "Le pain…chien…chat…orange…soleil…maison…amour…tasse," noses brushed, "I'm practically fluent, wouldn't you say?"

Delphine felt light-headed. Maybe this is what the Americans talk about when they hear French. It was her native language and held no significant feelings for her, but Cosima made it sound seductive, even if she was just listing off a random slew of words in a clear English accent. The American backed up a few inches and guided Delphine to a sitting position next to her, and for that, Delphine was forever grateful. "C'mon, there's only like ten minutes left of the movie, _ma baguette_. Enjoy the magic of Christmas love!"

And so, she did. She sat next to Cosima in a daze, watching her slowly drooping eyelids. She didn't have time to register that Cosima had fallen asleep, as she fell asleep less than a minute later, letting the credits roll into commercials on the television.


	3. Oh My Darwin

**3\. Oh my Darwin**

Delphine was awoken by booming thunder and the morning sun shining through the window behind her couch. She heard the rain, eyes not yet open, and felt the sun warm her skin. She couldn't believe it was still storming, a thought that brought her mind to a screeching halt as she recalled last night's adventures – and as she felt the slow inhale and exhale of a small body pressed to her front. Delphine's eyes shot open to find a dark brown mass of hair draped before her and a small warm body sleeping peacefully, facing the opposite direction. How did she end up spooning Cosima? She caught sight of the exposed skin of her neck and collarbone, practically glowing in the sun, defining all of her beautiful features.

She had to admit, Cosima was very attractive. She could objectively appreciate beauty without it needing to be…to be what? More? She thought Cosima was attractive, not that she was attracted to her. She couldn't be, right? She was attracted to her personality, perhaps. She was very fascinating, after all. And what's wrong with that? She could allow herself to make a friend. Maybe that's all this horde of feelings was – a desire for someone's company. She hadn't had a close friend in such a long time, maybe she felt deprived.

Delphine let herself admire the curves of Cosima's face, neck, collarbones, brea-_No_. She shouldn't be looking at her body at all. Cosima was unconscious and drooling over her body wasn't right. Cosima shifted backward slightly to cuddle further into Delphine. With the movement, Delphine realized her arm was wrapped around the girl's waist, grazing a small sliver of exposed skin where the oversized shirt had ridden up. She quickly retracted the arm, immediately missing the contact. How did they get in this position anyway? she thought again. Delphine didn't remember ever laying down on the couch. The last thing she remembered, they were both sitting sleepily next to each other. They must have maneuvered in their sleep. She wasn't as disturbed by it as she should have been.

Delphine sat up, slowly and quietly so Cosima didn't wake. The American shifted again but looked sound asleep, surprisingly. Delphine walked to the bathroom, checking her watch on the way there – 5:48 a.m. _No wonder Cosima is still asleep_, she thought. Delphine showered and changed into clean clothes before heading downstairs to finish the chore that was Cosima's only reason for being here. But she seemed to like spending time with Delphine, too? Cosima might not be so upset about having stayed much longer than expected.

What Delphine didn't understand is why she cared so much. She didn't typically care what people thought of her or whether they liked her, but with this woman, Delphine seemed to care a great deal. She reached the basement sooner than she would've liked and retrieved the dry clothing. She got another peek at the skimpy lace underwear and bra. It gave her an odd twisting feeling in her gut she didn't recognize. She tore her eyes away, a similar feeling of guilt like she had earlier while raking her eyes all over Cosima's body.

When she made it back to her apartment, Cosima was still sleeping, turned over and huddled into the couch cushions. Delphine smiled at the innocent beauty Cosima seemed to display at all times (although sometimes it was not so innocent). Delphine took a blanket from her room and covered Cosima up, gently sliding her glasses off and folding them on the coffee table.

She looked out at the rain, barely able to see through it. She wondered if Cosima would have a ride to her destination or if she would need to find other transportation. Who was her friend anyway? Was it her boyfriend? The thought made Delphine's neck heat up, she almost felt something similar to anger. What if Cosima didn't want to be her friend back, Delphine thought next. Why was she being so sensitive and childish about this? Cosima seemed very friendly with her, but perhaps it was just her personality.

Thinking about Cosima's quirky personality, she became distracted with an idea. Cosima wasn't the only one who could be a smartass.

Delphine had spent the last forty-five minutes attempting to prepare breakfast – something she didn't do often. She was grateful Cosima hadn't woken up to see her fail miserably at her first two attempts, but also disappointed that she was still asleep. Delphine was making quite a bit of noise and the apartment wasn't that big, so she was relatively close to Cosima. At this point, her morning shower had been pointless. She was sweating from the heat and had a variety of ingredients spread across her body. Why was she going through all of this trouble for a girl she barely knows?

The idea was to play into Cosima's relentless teasing so the effort she was putting forth was obviously to accomplish…that…whatever it was. Perhaps she was buying her friendship? Who wouldn't want to be friends with someone completely incompetent at cooking an easy dish?

After another ten minutes of slaving over the stove, Delphine finally finished the breakfast and started to clean the rather large mess she made. The dish was fairly simple and shouldn't have made much of a mess, but Delphine had never made it before and was anxious for Cosima to wake up. _How is the girl still asleep?_ She had made an incredible amount of noise – including her own little gasps and shrieks when something went wrong in the kitchen – and it was almost 9:45 in the morning. How late had they stayed up?

She ran through worst-case scenarios for explanations…dead? Delphine set the plate of food on the counter and rushed to the side of the couch to examine further. "Good," she whispered, "not dead. Still breathing," she whispered, out of breath. Delphine didn't want to wake her up, she enjoyed watching her sleep so peacefully. She looked very different without her glasses and with more than only dull indoor lights to illuminate her face. Delphine could make out the sharpness of her eyeliner, the slight curve of her lips, and the little nose ring she didn't notice last night. She moved a stray lock from Cosima's face and placed it behind her with the rest. How was the girl so beautiful?

No matter how beautiful the girl looked, she had to wake her up or she would go mad. Still, Delphine didn't want to wake her up directly, so she turned on the television and flipped it to the local morning news. A meteorologist was explaining the level of the current storm and flood warnings. The woman had barely been speaking for ten seconds before a slurred voice came from behind Delphine. "This is the worst thing to wake up to".

Delphine jumped and turned around, looking at Cosima, eyes still closed but a small smile appearing on her lips. "My apologies," Delphine replied sarcastically with a smile, "What would you have preferred?"

"Hmmm, I'll have to whisper it to you…Mademoiselle..uh…Crêpe," she slurred, eyes still tightly shut, refusing to wake up. "Turn that off real quick 'n c'mere".

Delphine laughed as she clicked off the television, "Mademoiselle Crêpe? That is awful, even for you, Cosima". Delphine walked over to stand next to the couch, smiling like a fool just from hearing the girl's adorable morning voice.

"Mmmm it's early, gimme a break," she poked her tongue out weakly with a smile, squeezing her eyes shut tighter, "come here dude, you won't be able to hear from all the way over…wherever you are". Cosima reached out blindly and found Delphine's thigh. She hooked her hand behind Delphine's knee and lightly tugged, making Delphine erupt in giggles at the poor girl's useless attempts. Even so, she knelt down in front of her on the floor, eye-level and waited.

"Well?" Delphine prompted, unable to calm the enthusiastic smile on her face.

Cosima reached out again, finding Delphine's chin and proceeding to feel and poke around the entirety of Delphine's giggling face obnoxiously. Once Delphine finally captures her wrist, halting the facial pat-down, Cosima opens her eyes and looks straight into Delphine's, which are watering with laughing-tears. "There. Much better than Mademoiselle Weather Channel". Cosima boops Delphine's nose with the tip of her finger before shooting up into a sitting position. "What is that heavenly smell, Frenchly?"

Delphine let go of the wrist she had apparently been holding captive and smiles as she retrieves the plate from the kitchen. "Breakfast," she replies in a chipper voice.

"Oh my Darwin. You – you made French toast. That is effing perfect". Cosima's eyes brightened as she smiled the biggest smile Delphine had ever seen.

"Do you consider Darwin a deity, Cosima?" Delphine asks, bringing two forks into the living room and handing one to Cosima.

"Charlie D? Nah, but the closest I'll come to religion. No offense, if you're religious or anything," Cosima fumbled on her words for the first time since she met the confident woman. Delphine found it…cute. That was all she could describe it as. She reassured Cosima she was in no way offended and they finished their breakfast in a comfortable quietness.

By mid-afternoon they had talked about everything from religion, to evolution, to corporate corruption. They had both stealthily avoided the topic of Cosima leaving, she hadn't even changed out of Delphine's clothes yet. They ate lunch and watched the relentless rain from Delphine's window. Cosima seemed to be a very touchy-feely kind of person. She graced Delphine with numerous arm touches, leg brushes, and bodily closeness that would be considered far more intimate than a close friendship, let alone someone she just met less than twenty-four hours ago. Delphine found her heart fluttering every time her skin made contact with Cosima's, and while she was still confused by the feelings, she didn't question or fight them anymore. She chose to ignore the voice in her head begging for an analysis and instead let herself feel the rush for however long it lasted. As the day went on, Delphine became bolder as well. At one point she had Cosima's arm in her lap, caressing the skin with a beautiful design etched in it. The goosebumps that appeared on Cosima's forearm all the way up to her shoulder didn't go unnoticed by the blond. She was intrigued at her own capability to produce any kind of reaction from someone, especially Cosima.

The woman seemed to have an inexhaustible amount of energy and spoke with passion about every topic they came across. Delphine could listen to her talk all day, surely. The way her hands moved about so mesmerizingly, her full lips moving at the speed of light as she rushed through her thoughts. The most admirable trait, Delphine thought, was that Cosima never once appeared uninterested or bored when it was the blond doing the talking. She was focused and she paid attention like she was in her favorite class. They seemed to skip over talking about themselves, occasionally referencing a childhood memory or event that tied into their conversation. Delphine was exhausted from the continuous flow of information she received from Cosima. She was surely learning more in this one afternoon than she had her entire Freshman year of college.

Cosima seemed to become very comfortable in Delphine's home and with the Frenchwoman herself. Her favorite position appeared to be laying on the couch with her legs over Delphine's lap. Delphine loved the excuse to touch the woman. She would lay her arm over Cosima's thighs, her hand gentle enough to not be so overtly stroking, but with enough pressure to satisfy Delphine's…her what? Desires? She didn't have _desires_ to touch this woman, right? No, Cosima was her friend. Did Cosima think they were friends? She sure seemed to like spending time with Delphine and had no issue with constant touches.

Delphine was very confused. She was confused about the situation, mainly because of how they avoided the elephant in the room. She was confused about the feelings she got around Cosima, both emotional and physical. Most of all, she was completely unsure of how Cosima felt about her. Were her affectionate behaviors a regular mannerism for her or were they something directed specifically at Delphine, and why should she care, really? She didn't like women in that way (arguably she didn't like men that much either). She couldn't process everything that was happening.

"You okay there, Delphine?" Cosima said with genuine concern. It was the first time that day she had called her by her name instead of a French-based alternative.

"Yes, of course. I'm fine," Delphine returned from her reverie, looking at Cosima. "Did you run out of your excellent French material?" She diverted the attention, not wanted Cosima to somehow pry out of her the thoughts of confusion she was having. She most likely had the capacity to.

"Delphine is a beautiful name, it would be a shame to avoid it forever," Cosima half-mumbled, looking down at her fidgeting hands. Delphine thought she could see the tint of a blush on Cosima's cheeks. Although, she wasn't much better off, realizing her face was probably twice as red. At this point, Cosima may just believe that Delphine had naturally pink-tinted cheeks. "Thanks for the authentic French toast breakfast, by the way. I don't think I ever said thank you".

Delphine smiled tiredly, laying her head on the back of the couch, "I don't remember my mother ever even mentioning French toast. In fact, I had never tried it until this morning," she confessed, looking down at her watch – 11:32 p.m. "I've never made it before, and it seemed like a much simpler task online".

"You know, I think it's easy on and offline…" Cosima smiled up at her from her favorite couch position, legs atop Delphine's lap with a curious hand wandering over her knees and thigh. "Is that why it took you three tries?"

"Yeah…Wha–," Delphine snapped her gaze over to Cosima's cocky grin. "How did you…were you awake?"

"Yeah I had been awake for some time," Cosima giggled in self-satisfaction.

"H-how long?" Delphine remembered waking up with the American in her arms. It seemed so long ago, but the memory was burned into her skin.

"Hmmm, well, I was awake for…" Cosima sat up slightly, far enough to reach her fingers up to a strand of rebellious blond curl that sat on Delphine's cheek. She mimicked Delphine's movements from the morning, carefully placing the hair back where it belonged. However, Cosima seemed to be moving much slower, an agonizing pace with her fingertips trailing across her cheek. Delphine felt a quiver inside of her body, involuntarily letting her eyelids flutter shut.

When Cosima finally withdrew her hand, Delphine opened her eyes. She met Cosima's eyes for a fraction of a second before looking down with guilt. "I'm sorry," she mumbled in embarrassment.

"I also remember," Cosima continued, ignoring Delphine's demeanor, perhaps to further torture her, "some sweet gal covering me up with a blanket". At that, Delphine smiled. She could see Cosima wasn't upset with her for pushing boundaries. "Which was very thoughtful after by personal heated blanket left me to freeze all alone," Cosima said nonchalantly, but a knowing grin betrayed her cool.

Delphine could only laugh in embarrassment. She covered her face with both hands and apologized again. "I don't know how we ended up like that. I promise I wasn't trying to…take advantage of you or anything".

"I'm only irritated that you left! I was comfy, man," Cosima whined sarcastically. Delphine could only keep her face covered. There wasn't an inch of skin on it that wasn't stained red. Cosima laughed freely, only worsening Delphine's redness. "Hmmm, only one way to make it up to me, Delphine". Before Delphine could register what was going on, she felt her wrists being pulled lightly down to the couch. She fell to her side, slotted behind Cosima, in the position they found themselves this morning. She freed one of Delphine's hands and wrapped the other one around her waist. "Just don't leave this time and you'll be relieved your debt," Cosima kidded as she huddled further against Delphine.

She didn't even try to come up with a witty comeback, only laughing a small, tired laugh and relenting with a happy sigh, "Okay". She tucked her head away behind Cosima's neck, pulled her closer, and was asleep within minutes. She wasn't sure she wanted her debt to be relieved just yet.


	4. Brat

**4\. Brat**

Delphine was awoken, once again, by the weather. A loud burst of thunder followed flashes of lightening, which was now the only real source of light outside. Billowy grey clouds covered the sky, blotting out the sun. There had to be a severe flood warning by now, Delphine wondered how rain could last for so long.

Her thoughts quickly drew back to the bundle of warmth pressed against her chest. She could hardly believe they spent the entire day yesterday effectively pausing time, stuck in their own little private moment. With the exception of a few bathroom and kitchen trips, they had stayed in the living room all day. The notion that life would eventually go on was apparently represented by leaving the boundaries they had built. It didn't help that Delphine could hardly stand to be away from the woman more than a few minutes, as though she would disappear, not trusting reality.

There was something about Cosima that made Delphine feel both at ease and, at the same time, the very opposite. The odd woman's presence physically affected Delphine, and the touching…the sweet light confusing touches. Delphine felt like a prisoner to her body's reactions and, much more appealing, a prisoner to Cosima herself. However, her attentiveness brought Delphine out of her usually silent self. She didn't remember ever talking so much to someone. Maybe Cosima didn't like that she had talked so much, and Delphine was just misreading her. It didn't matter though, Delphine remembered, she's just a stranger, she didn't know the girl… The very sweet girl breathing softly and contentedly, sound asleep. Or so she thought…After all, Delphine had thought Cosima was asleep the whole morning yesterday, when she was very aware of everything. What a sneaky little creature she was, Delphine smiled.

She stretched her neck slightly, making sure to not disturb a sleeping (or perfectly awake) Cosima. Her eyes were closed, her face looked completely relaxed, and she seemed to really be asleep, but Delphine still wasn't sure, she was thoroughly convinced otherwise yesterday. She decided that she didn't really want to move from her position anyway, so she laid her head back down and used her free hand to sift through and examine the strange length of rough hair that was before her for the second morning in a row. Her other hand involuntarily drew Cosima closer, bringing to Delphine's attention the small detail that the arm wrapped around Cosima's waist had slyly slipped under her shirt at some point, most likely in her sleep, and was now resting on the bare skin of her abdomen. Delphine observed how taut and smooth it was, a lean kind of muscle that resembled that of a belly dancer. A fleeting image of Cosima moving and twisting sensually to her own music made its way through Delphine's mind, and she soon caught herself mindlessly exploring the expanse of Cosima's midsection. She gasped silently when she realized what she was doing, perhaps because of the act itself, or because of the fact she was enjoying it entirely, and reluctantly started to retract her hand.

"Don't you dare, Delphine," Cosima mumbled and grabbed her wrist before it could move any farther away. Delphine froze, not able to comprehend this woman's proclivity for trickery. She laughed softly out of nervousness and let her hand be guided back to its original position. She was partially mortified from being caught caressing the woman while she thought she was unconscious, but mostly thankful she wasn't in trouble for it. Delphine was pleased with her hand's new home, even if she wouldn't admit that to herself. Cosima continued, "I will not be having my superior source of warmth abandon me yet again".

Delphine lifted her head again to see that Cosima's eyes were still closed and her face looked exactly the same as it had when she was under the impression the American was far away in dream-land. She sighed softly to herself, "How do you do that, Cosima?"

"Do what?" A grin started pulling at her lips as her placid exterior cracked.

"Make me believe you are completely unconscious, sound in your slumber. For hours, too," Delphine poked at Cosima's side with her free hand, causing her to squeak with laughter and squirm in protest – the friction making Delphine an odd kind of uncomfortable – not unwelcome. The blond hoped Cosima didn't notice the deep sigh from behind her, caused by sensational sensations, like fiery tingles tightening her chest. She ceased her attack, a warm grin settling on her lips, "You are conniving, you know, tricking me like that".

Delphine felt the hand that was pressed flat against Cosima's abdomen being held securely in place, and before Delphine could question it, Cosima had turned herself around so that she was facing Delphine. The blond yelped reflexively when their noses brushed. Cosima let go of the hand she had secured, now placed on her lower back, still underneath the fabric. They weren't quite flush, but most of their bodies were in torturous contact. She felt Cosima's breath on her lips and had to fight the urge to explore the mouth it came from. Why did she have the urge in the first place, though? Perhaps the close quarters made the instinct kick in, just blind primal urges. She couldn't stop staring at Cosima's lips. Why couldn't she stop staring at Cosima's lips? Cosima's smiling, inviting, luscious lips. Her heart rate must have sky-rocketed to an unhealthy level in the span of just a couple seconds.

It seemed like forever, but Cosima finally spoke, "And what, pray tell, would I be tricking you for, Delphine?" An evil grin accompanied a challenging raised eyebrow. Delphine thought of something witty to say, but it dissipated quickly when she caught the quick trip Cosima's eyes had made to her lips. She stared blankly at the cocky girl inches away from her, earning a giggle. "You look like I just served you with a death threat," Cosima commented playfully.

Delphine blushed, yet again, trying but failing to keep the corners of her lips from lifting into a hormone-ridden smile. "Do you want breakfast?" Delphine quickly deflected to a safer topic with a silly grin.

"I want you…" Cosima brought a pointing finger up to the tip of Delphine's nose. Delphine felt herself shudder, and she was hoping it was from the unexpected nose-boop and not Cosima's words. Cosima's face was slowly filling up with a painfully large smile. She gently dropped her finger from Delphine's nose and let it brush lightly across her lips before falling between them. Cosima opened her mouth as if to speak, but then let her eyes move to Delphine's lips and stared without shame. Cosima took a half breath and looked back to Delphine's eyes while her mouth parted a hair further, "…to answer my question, my dearest baguette".

Cosima knew exactly what she was doing, Delphine could tell that much. A more pressing question, however, is why Delphine was reacting so strongly to it. Her reaction to Cosima's playful seduction made her feel pleasantly uneasy. "I, ehm…w-what was the question?" Delphine stuttered, barely over a whisper. _Did she ask a question?_ Delphine thought to herself.

Cosima rolled her eyes and shook her head with a smile. "You're awful," she smirked, "What's for breakfast, then, chef?"

Cosima sat on the counter, popping raspberries in her mouth as she watched Delphine mix a bowl of various ingredients together. Delphine could feel eyes on her, and knew they were wandering outside the vicinity of her culinary activities. She would occasionally ask Cosima to hand her an ingredient or utensil, and Cosima seemed to make sure their hands touched every single time. Delphine found herself more at ease around Cosima now, even without the aid of alcohol. She felt confident teasing her and even being somewhat physically playful. Cosima responded well and brought out a mischievous energy in Delphine that she wasn't aware of.

Cosima was taking every opportunity she could get to dip a fleeting finger in the batter-in-progress. Each time, earning herself a slap on the hand from Delphine, and at one point, a smack on the arm with a wooden spoon. Although Delphine acted like an irritated mother, she couldn't deny the thrilling anticipation that prefaced each finger-dip and reprimand. She knew Cosima wouldn't take her seriously when she was grinning like a fool.

After the last stinging swat on Cosima's arm as she retreated her gooey finger onto her tongue, followed by the blond telling her she would be in very big trouble should she attempt another attack, she seemed to have calmed down. She swung her legs back and forth off the side of the counter as Delphine was finishing up with the batter and moving onto cooking. Delphine brought several dirty dishes to the sink behind her in the small kitchen, and when she turned around she found Cosima's hand, once again retracting from the mixing bowl and to her lips. Cosima gave a weak apologetic smile that lead Delphine to believe she was not at all sorry. Delphine rolled her eyes with a chuckle and quietly said, "My dear Cosima. _Tsk. Tsk_," and with a new malicious smile, Delphine sauntered toward the American, "You did ask for it…"

Delphine quickly slotted herself between Cosima's legs on the counter and forcefully wrapped her arms around her waist with a squeeze. Cosima yelped as Delphine pulled her so they were in a tight embrace and forcefully lifted her off the counter. Delphine felt Cosima shake with breathless laughter and shrieks as she clung to the back of her neck with laced fingers and wrapped her legs around Delphine's waist.

Cosima was lightweight and Delphine had no problem carrying her to the other side of the kitchen, but if she wasn't using so much physical effort, she would have been uncontrollably affected by their contact, no matter how comfortable she was becoming.

The trek across the tiny kitchen was short, but Delphine was memorizing every shape of the woman's body she could, before dropping her to the opposite counter where they had stored the extra ingredients. She was reluctant to let go but had to if she was going to continue her penalty. She kept her arm around Cosima's waist, only tight enough to keep her stationed. Meanwhile, Delphine's other hand reached around behind Cosima and gathered a handful of flour. She whispered up to Cosima's ear in her exaggerated French accent, seductively, "It seems you have an awful preference," shoving the handful of flour down the back of Cosima's shirt, "for unmade food".

Cosima tried to wriggle free, uncontrollable laughter nearly immobilizing her, but Delphine only tightened her arm around her back, continuing to cover Cosima's back, and now face, with flour and baking powder. She will admit it was an immense waste of perfectly good ingredients, but she couldn't seem to let go of Cosima. She didn't want to stop touching her. Delphine had tucked her head by Cosima's neck and shoulder, blindly spreading the mess everywhere while the poor receiver gasped for air through her laughter and attempts at liberation.

After a moment and a realization of her fate, Cosima relented, scrunched her face in that adorable way Delphine loved, and endured the torment. "Do you concede?" Delphine asked, pausing her motions threateningly, out of breath.

"Mmmmm…to my punishment, yes, but I don't know that my fingers will be able to resist the delicious temptation that got me into this position in the first place," Cosima said innocently, but the suggestions behind her words tightened Delphine's chest and raised her pulse a beat or two.

She could feel Cosima catching her breath in pants and wondered if she could feel the same breathlessness coming from Delphine on the side of her neck. Delphine felt the woman tilt her head a short distance, expanding the area of skin where Delphine was resting her head, almost inviting. She was all too aware now that if she turned her head just half and inch to the right, her lips would land perfectly on the base of Cosima's neck. She wondered what Cosima would feel like against her lips. She imagined a world where turning her head half an inch to the right would be easy. She imagined never having to let go of the woman in her embrace. She imagined many things that she never would have thought about before meeting this creature, far too inappropriate for her to feel comfortable in her capacity to keep her hands from roaming the gorgeous body so close to her. The body that was holding on to her so tightly.

"Are you what people call a glutton for punishment, Cosima?" Delphine felt her lips feather past sprinkles of flour on Cosima's neck.

"Something like that," Cosima replied weakly. She sounded out of breath, but Delphine had a feeling it wasn't from any physical struggle. Maybe she had this feeling because her own respiration was oddly similar, jagged as she felt the vibrations of Cosima's voice travel to her lips stationed at the smooth skin by her pulse. She needed to separate herself as soon as possible.

Delphine, with painful restraint, lifted her head off the warm shoulder and moved several inches away so that she could look at Cosima without being unbearably close. She noticed flushed cheeks under patches of white dust that were covering her face, neck, hair, and entire backside. Delphine felt a twinge of guilt looking at the mess she made of Cosima. "I propose you take a shower while I finish breakfast…well brunch, now," Delphine said, turning to look back at the bowl of batter next to the stovetop.

"Sounds great… One little hiccup in the plan, though," Delphine heard the devilish smile in her voice before she was able to turn back to see it. Cosima wrapped her arms around Delphine's shoulders from behind, hooking her waist with her legs. "Totally forgot where the bathroom is. Can I catch a ride?"

Delphine smiled, rolling her eyes while she made no effort to free herself from Cosima's full body trap. She exaggerated a sigh, backing up enough to curl her hands under Cosima's knees and prepare for the piggy-back-ride she was forced into, "Brat".

Cosima laughed at her retort as Delphine hoisted her onto her back and started walking out of the kitchen. The entirety of the short trip from the kitchen to the bathroom was filled with Cosima's adorable giggles while she shook the powder from her hair, purposefully all over Delphine. The blond just smiled contentedly and enjoyed every moment she had the girl wrapped around her


	5. Dialect, Baby

**5\. Dialect, Baby**

Cosima was showered and dressed in her own clothes within fifteen minutes. They ate their brunch of poorly-made crêpes while discussing Cosima's future in criminal life. Cosima washed their dishes while Delphine stared at her busy hands in a daze. She almost fell asleep but Cosima's voice brought her back to awareness. "Hey, I don't want to sound judge-y or anything," she said, moving to sit next to Delphine on the couch, "but, like, do you have a job or school or something? I know it's the weekend, but am I, like, keeping you from something?" Cosima looked down at her fidgeting fingers. It was the first time either of them had mentioned anything regarding their very unorthodox situation.

Delphine chuckled at the woman's sudden shyness, "You're not keeping me from anything". Her smile fell slightly as she asked, "Am I keeping you…from something…or someone? I am, you were supposed to meet your friend. They must be worried to not hear from you. I'm sorry, Cosima." Delphine felt a wave of guilt and odd sadness wash over her otherwise pleasant mood.

"Nah, you're good," Cosima smiled comfortingly, "She doesn't know I'm here yet. I was supposed to get here on Wednesday but decided to come early." Delphine heard the disappointment in Cosima's voice, her expression sad. She didn't like seeing Cosima like this, but she didn't know how to make it better. Cosima continued, "I had her address in my phone and was just going to surprise her, you know, and then my phone fell to its death and…here I am". Cosima chuckled self-deprecatingly. She had a guilty look, but Delphine couldn't tell why.

"Well, I've done nothing to help," Delphine consoled, "All I've done is encourage procrastination by bribing you with my amazing cooking skills". At that, Cosima smiled. There was a gleam in her eye that Delphine knew was not a good sign.

"Hmmm. Bribing me?" She replied mischievously, hinting at a subject change.

Delphine leaned in to Cosima's personal space, challenging her resolve. "Oui. Is it working?" She smiled at the shudder subtly shaking Cosima.

"Magnificently," Cosima accepted the challenge.

"I'm glad to hear it," closer.

"Happy to say it".

She was too close. They were too close, each of them inching forward with every response, pushing boundaries. Cosima was looking her straight in the eyes, but Delphine's kept retreating to her lips. Why was she looking there? She was probably making Cosima uncomfortable. _She doesn't look uncomfortable?_ Why was her heart racing again? Cosima could surely feel her quickened breathing – they were only a couple inches apart. Cosima licked her lips. _Why did Cosima lick her lips?_ Delphine felt lightheaded as thought after thought raced through her head, gradually becoming more personal than she would ideally allow.

_Is she soft? Her lips look soft, smooth, warm, délicieux. She probably tastes like strawberries or maybe like the powdered sugar from our meal. Either way, she must be sweet. I need to…_

"Boop!" Cosima tapped the end of her nose with her finger, breaking her daze, "I win". She sat back with a smug look on her face. Despite the flurry of thoughts only moments ago, Delphine couldn't seem to think at all now. Hazily, she felt herself sit back as well, eyes glossed over, lip caught under her teeth. She flipped her hair to its opposite side and saw, peripherally, Cosima drop her head and fidget with her fingers again, the atmosphere taking a drastic turn for some reason. Barely a whisper of a mumble, "I'm sorry…"

The seriousness and apology took Delphine off guard. "What for?" Only then did she look fully at Cosima, coming out of her daze.

"Delphine, it's just…" Cosima seemed to be having a hard time with whatever she wanted to say. Delphine felt bad, as though she caused it. She laid her hand on Cosima's forearm and squeezed it reassuringly. It didn't seem to reassure her though. She continued after a deep breath, "The thing is…I-I have a girlfriend right now, you know, and I just don't want to, like, lead you on or whatever because I really like you, you know? Like, I love hanging out even though it's weird and, I don't know…messy, I guess. It's just all kind of complicated anyway and I don't want to make it more complicated or, like, involve you in my shit. Trust me, you totally don't want to be involved in my shit, especially right now. There's just, like, a lot going on and I totally should have told you and I know I'm, like, a complete idiot for…I don't know…like everything from the last couple days, you know? Like, that's all just–"

"Cosima," Delphine waited far too long to end Cosima's rant, who was obviously freaking out. Delphine was thinking, though, and just couldn't formulate a response. She was staggered by the confession. Had Cosima thought that Delphine wanted a romantic relationship? Admittedly, she was having odd feelings around Cosima, but Delphine knew it was most likely just the proximity and the fact that Cosima was wonderful to have around. Yes, she had some less-platonic thoughts, but that was just natural after not being with someone for so long. She was probably the one leading Cosima on. She cursed her primal thoughtlessness and, for some reason, was trying to think back to her last boyfriend, years ago. "I am, ehm, not…gay, Cosima". She said it like a question.

Cosima's face flickered with relief, confusion, tension, and…disappointment? "Oh, God. I'm more of an idiot than I thought," Cosima covered her face, quickly becoming a shade of red that could surpass Delphine's recent bout of constant blushing.

"Non, non, I'm…ehm," Delphine stuttered, hating the awful feelings she had given Cosima. She moved closer, carefully uncovering Cosima's face, and continuing awkwardly, "I…ah…French! I'm _French_ and so…we're just like that. I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I'm…too French," Delphine cringed internally at her less-than-smooth explanation. However, it made Cosima laugh, which was good enough for her, even if the statement was very inaccurate.

"Well when you put it that way," Cosima teased, "I feel much better". She winked and stuck out her tongue. _She is adora–**No**._

"Hey, my rambling time was half that of yours," Delphine defended herself, playing along. _Put two people together for long enough, you could misinterpret feelings, right?_

"Yeah, but at least, like, more than half of mine made sense grammatically," Cosima shot back with a cocky grin. _And anyone can appreciate beauty…Cosima is just a beautiful person and it's recognizable._

"Relative to the amount of time I have been living here, my English is twice as good". _Everyone has curiosity, what different people feel like. Not gay, just…scientific-minded._

"True, however, I said, like, twice as much. So, the amount of _correct_ grammar is equal between the ramblings," Cosima calculated, "Furthermore, I had more quality content. Whereas, I'm pretty sure, you said 'French', like, fifty times". A_nd, of course, there is the fact that Cosima is so fun and energetic and wonderful to talk to. She gets me. Friend…maybe this is a 'best' friend kind of feeling? Yes, that's it. I can deal with best friends. Best friends who touch a lot because it's just how they are._

"You said 'like', like, fifty times". _Best friends who spoon while sleeping together? Is that an American thing? A Cosima thing? Does she sleep with other girls, too? Of course, she does, she has a girlfriend. Why is that irritating? Because…she never said anything…that's why._

"It's all dialect, baby," Cosima said nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders. _Baby? That's a friendly nickname…yes? I like it…baby…_

"Well," Delphine rolled her eyes sarcastically, "your _dialect_…is shitty". _Oh, excellent comeback, Cormier._

Cosima gasped loudly, her hand brought to her chest in mock offense, "Delphine, how. Dare. You," she said with a huff between each word. _God, she's ad–_

Before Delphine could think of a witty response, she felt her sides being attacked relentlessly. Since yesterday, they had gotten into more tickling-fights than any adult should be getting into, and Cosima had learned all of Delphine's weak spots.

Fortunately, Delphine learned some of Cosima's. As she writhed with laughter, Delphine reached out toward Cosima's stomach, only to be caught halfway there – Cosima saw it coming.

She shrieked as Cosima rolled them both onto the ground where she trapped Delphine underneath her and dominated the blond's poor sides. They ached from laughter and twisting around, unable to throw the American straddling her. She attempted yelling Cosima's name several times, but the words never made it through the laughter.

"Huh? What's that?" Cosima taunted her, looking far too amused by Delphine's struggles. Cosima paused and leaned down to whisper threateningly, "Do you concede, Delphine?"

Unfortunately, the unexpected friction that the movement, caused between their adjacent groins, forced a small whimper from Delphine's lips. Her eyes widened when she heard the quiet noise, desperately hoping Cosima didn't hear. Cosima didn't appear to notice the noise, only the lack of response from Delphine, "Is that a no? You do not concede?" _Friction. Just a bodily reaction. Natural. Nothing to do with anything else. Just friction. Nothing more._

"I–" _Nothing more…._

"Oookay," she said, straightening back up while Delphine stifled another whimper, "Here comes round two". Hands dove back to Delphine's sides, but she was **_Nothing more_**… a little **_Nothing…more_** distracted _**More**_.

Of course, she could stay another night. Delphine didn't hesitate when Cosima asked. It was raining still (how, she didn't know), and the forecast promised Tuesday would be the best day of the week. Delphine would have called it an awful start to her Spring break, but she knew it wasn't true.

"And, like, you don't have to, you know, sleep on the couch like…however…I can just…" Cosima stumbled awkwardly, "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, you know?"

"I've been comfortable the last two nights. The couch is the same, the company's the same. Nothing's changed," Delphine assured. She wasn't sure why Cosima would think she would be uncomfortable after spending two nights…like…however. Maybe she was trying to say that she didn't want to sleep on the couch together – it was a bizarre behavior.

"Just, you know, me being all gay and what not," Cosima tried to keep eye-contact but was failing.

"Oh," Delphine remembered that detail, "Well, weren't you gay-and-what-not last night and the night before?"

"Yeah…"

"So…nothing's changed?" Delphine smiled, moving to the kitchen. "What should dinner be…hmmm," she wondered out loud as she browsed the contents of the refrigerator.

Cosima hopped up and bounded over to Delphine, sliding in front of her, facing the open fridge. Reaching up to the freezer section she explained, "Remember when I was getting ice yesterday for lunch?" Delphine nodded. Cosima opened the freezer and continued, "Well, I spotted this thing," pointing, and then retrieving a frozen pizza from underneath all the other contents, barely visible. How Cosima even spotted it, Delphine wasn't sure.

"I believe," Delphine said as she took the box and searched for a tray, "this was a gift or something I was supposed to have with someone. I must have forgotten about it". She started the oven and read through the directions on the back of the box.

"Oh, I didn't know it was, like, a special thing," Cosima rushed, sounding nervous, "If you're saving that to have with whoever got it for–"

"Cosima," Delphine giggled at her panic, "I'm pretty sure it was a last-minute run to the grocery store. Nothing special. Also, I don't even remember who got it".

Cosima looked pointedly at the slim side of the box with messy handwriting covering it, and back at Delphine, "Um, was it Chad?"

Delphine was confused for a moment before she remembered, "Oh, yes. Chad. I totally forgot. I don't think he will be coming to eat pizza with me anytime soon. We're probably safe". Delphine caught a glimpse of an emotion she didn't recognize from Cosima, but she quickly reverted to her playful self.

"Soooo," she prodded, leaning on the counter beside the blond, "who is uh, '_yo home boy Chad_'? Ex-lover?"

Delphine snorted. She knew Cosima was trying to embarrass her, but she wasn't affected by it, "We sat by each other in Biochemistry 1, if I remember correctly".

"Love at first sight then?" Cosima kidded, earning a swat on the arm.

"No," she continued, "I actually thought he was gay for the longest time. Looking back, I have no idea why. Anyway, he wanted to come over with a couple other people to work on a project and deemed my place the most suitable. When he arrived, there was no one with him. He said everyone ditched, but we should still work on the project. He put the pizza in the freezer for later if we got hungry and then proceeded to grab my ass and try to kiss me". Delphine laughed.

"Ew," Cosima cringed.

"It's okay, though," Delphine said, putting said pizza in the oven after it preheated, "I think when I said yes to the project, he took it as something else. He mentioned pizza being great for fueling extracurricular activities. I just didn't understand how extracurricular it was," she chuckled at herself.

"I notice the pizza is still here," Cosima pointed out, "find something else to fuel your extracurriculars?"

Delphine laughed, entertained by their banter, "No, actually. I kicked him out and promptly took a shower. Never remembered the pizza".

The two talked in the kitchen while the pizza cooked, eventually giving in and pouring some wine. Cosima was astounded when she asked Delphine about her last boyfriend and she couldn't even remember his name. She had a hard time believing Delphine when she said the encounter with Chad was the closest thing to romance she's had for years. She dated someone for a couple weeks, but he turned out to actually be gay.

The wine was once again helping their conversation flow. Extracurricular-plain-cheese pizza – Cosima's favorite, apparently – was brought to the living room and they ate at the coffee table. The conversation turned to Cosima's past relationships, which she was fairly open about. She had several girlfriends throughout high school and her first two years of college. At the end of her Sophomore year, about a month from finals, she met her current girlfriend and they've been together since. Cosima stayed in San Francisco while her girlfriend moved to Minnesota to be with her family and finish her degree. She would visit occasionally, but it was expensive. It wasn't until recently that she was able to move permanently.

"You two must love each other very much," Delphine said drowsily, the wine proving to be too much.

Cosima laughed in self-deprecation, "Nah, I think we did but it became more of a one-way relationship, you know?"

Delphine finished her glass and turned to Cosima on the couch, her eye brows scrunched with concern and genuine interest. She waited for Cosima to continue, prompting with her fixed stare.

"It just kind of feels like she keeps me around for when she wants, like, 'arm candy', or whatever. But we don't really talk a lot and sometimes it's hard to make a connection, you know, just like she's not paying attention," Cosima's expression was more annoyed than sad, like she had accepted her relationship how it was, but remained unhappy with it.

"Why do you stay with her?" Delphine was losing the grip on her filter, but Cosima didn't seem to mind.

"I don't know, man, we've been together for a long time, even if a lot of that time has been spent miles away from each other. She's a good girlfriend when she's around, you know, it's just…she likes to not be around when things get, like, emotional or whatever," Cosima sighed and laid her head on Delphine's lap. Delphine sifted through her odd hair and listened to her sympathetically, "We have a great physical relationship, just not much of anything else, I guess. She likes to show me off, which isn't bad in itself, but I just feel like an accessory more than a partner".

"I don't like her so far," Delphine stated solemnly. _I would treat Cosima much better. As a friend. I will treat her better._

Cosima laughed and looked up at her, "I think we're past the stage of me needing approval to date her. Thanks though, mom".

Delphine scoffed, "Not mom," her speech becoming more accented, she noticed, as she grew sluggish, "as your new best friend – bestie – I disapprove so far. Unless you have evidence to indicate I should think otherwise".

Cosima glanced up at Delphine's now very heavy eyes and stuck out her tongue, "I'll let you know," she replied with a sad smile.

The sentence almost brought a tear to Delphine's eye as she looked down at the poor neglected woman. _How could anyone ignore this,_ she thought. Cosima looked like she was close to crying, too, and Delphine liked the moment of seeing such a vulnerable side. She touched the back of hand to Cosima's cheek, observing the smooth curve of her jaw and radiating warmth. "You deserve to be treated much better than an accessory. You deserve someone who will pay attention to you all the time and wants to be with you when there are emotions," Delphine said softly. She felt her eyelids growing unbelievably heavy.

"You're drunk, Delphine," she heard Cosima say as she let her eyes shut and her head fall to the back of the couch.

"Mmmm, maybe," Delphine admitted, "I don't lie when I'm drunk, though". She sighed and recognized her discomfort on the couch, aware enough to foresee neck pain in the morning if she let herself fall asleep like this. "Can we go to sleep now?" She asked and hoped it was comprehendable.

Cosima nodded and started to move off her lap. Delphine didn't want to sleep on the couch, she missed her bed. However, she didn't want to leave Cosima by herself, and didn't really want to be away from the girl anyway. She stood up, staggering slightly, grabbed some portion of Cosima's hand and towed her to the bedroom. She didn't think of the implications such an invitation provided, like she should have with Chad, but she trusted Cosima.

Cosima looked confused for a moment but didn't fight it. Delphine found a loose top and some shorts for Cosima to change into. Once they were both in their sleepwear, they slipped under the covers, and Delphine was asleep before her head hit the pillow.


	6. Trust & Besties

**6\. Trust & Besties**

Delphine could have sworn the kiss was real if it wasn't for the graphic, surreal events that followed. A hazy vision of Cosima's face so close to hers, everything moving slowly, her hand grasped the back of Cosima's neck and pulled her in until their lips met, sending a flurry of dulled tingles through her center. Only seconds later did she fall out of the scene, the world soon becoming sensual and filled with Cosima. She easily removed Cosima's clothing, leaving her with nothing but those lace undergarments that Delphine had taken such careful note of. She was somehow undressed as well, feeling only a fantasy warmth between the skin of their intertwined bodies. Cosima kept her devilish smirk the whole time, but Delphine's unconsciousness made it the sexiest thing she'd ever seen.

She woke, startled and sweating. The sun was shining through the sheer curtains, only a drizzle of rain obstructing an otherwise decent atmosphere. There was an uncomfortable warmth between her legs and Delphine was trying to find any possible cause for it other than her unconscious illusions. Her chest was tightening with anxiety. Sitting up, she shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts. Squeezing her eyes shut, she mumbled under her breath, "Pas gay. Pas gay. Pas gay". A movement next to her in the bed froze Delphine as she realized she still had company.

"Mm, Delphine. You okay?" Cosima slurred next to her. She turned to see Cosima squinting while her eyes adjusted to the new light, turning onto her back so she could look up at Delphine. The loose top that she had given Cosima was half-way off her shoulder, exposing too much skin. Delphine's eyes wandered, not listening to her brain's instructions to stop, like a magnet. Watching Cosima's chest rise and fall gently with the sun making the visible skin glow, Delphine's bottom lip was clenched between her teeth. She was too tired to filter her actions, drowsily exploring collarbones, neck, jaw, lips, neck, lips, lips, eyes – eyes that were now mostly open and looking at her with confusion. "I'm not wearing my glasses, dude, so I can't tell if you're, like, super pissed or sleep-sitting," Cosima squinted comically and jabbed Delphine in the side.

The blond jumped to the side and giggled. There was just something about Cosima that made her feel playful and happy. She trapped Cosima's wrist in her hand so that she could speak, "Why on Earth would I be super pissed? You're so docile. Never get into mischief".

Cosima twisted her arm out of Delphine's grasp and caught the French woman's wrist instead, pulling her down to her level with a startled yelp. Delphine rolled to her stomach and tucked her head beneath Cosima's upper arm, stifling her incessant snickering. Cosima started again, her tone dropping slightly from playful to stiffly casual, "So, you're not mad or, like, upset? Sad, uneasy…nothing?".

"Should I be? You're starting to make me believe I should be," Delphine turned her head to face Cosima, resting on her bicep. "Is there something I need to know, Cosima?" She smiled charmingly, not understanding why Cosima's mood changed so oddly.

"Uh, no. Nope. What, uh…how'd you sleep?" Cosima replied lamely.

"Aside from some odd dreams, I slept pretty well," Delphine started tracing the tattoo on Cosima's other arm, lazily resting her arm over Cosima's stomach just to keep her eyes in a safe location, "et toi?"

"Odd dreams, you say?"

"Oui. And you?" Delphine was desperate to change the subject. She wasn't sure why she brought it up in the first place.

"No odd dreams for me," Cosima replied, turning her attention to the arm that was sweeping over her tattoo and becoming comfortable on her midsection.

"Brat," she said half-heartedly, feeling her eyelids droop with remnants of sleep. At the same time that Cosima brought her energy, she calmed her down. The feeling of Cosima's hand trailing along her spine was mesmerizing - _When did she start moving her hand?_ "Hey, you didn't pretend to be asleep all morning," Delphine pointed out.

"True," Cosima smiled, "You should feel special. I don't really do that with most people".

"And what have I done to deserve the privilege?"

"I trust you," Cosima said somberly, "I don't feel like I need to, you know, pretend so I can see what you're really like when you think I'm not aware, I guess. It's kind of fucked up, I know. And creepy, too. I hope that didn't, like, weird you out or anything, but if it did that's, like, totally understandable, I get it. I'm just…like…this is an unconventional situation we're in or whatever and – I don't know – there's just a lot going on. For me, I mean…obviously I can't speak for you. That didn't make sense, shit. Shit, I'm rambling and going nowhere, I'm sorry, I should totally stop talking, it's just, like, I don't want you to think that I–"

Delphine covered Cosima's mouth with her hand, effectively halting the monologue. _Her rambling is adora–endearing...platonically endearing._ "I trust you, too, Cosima," Delphine felt the woman's smile form underneath her fingers. It was true. Delphine wouldn't let just anyone share a bed with her, especially a stranger. She didn't even realize it until Cosima said she trusted her. As a kid, not even friends were allowed in her bed for sleepovers, she liked it to be just for herself. They had become so close in such a short amount of time, though. She felt like she knew more about Cosima than she knew about her last two boyfriends combined. She trusted Cosima. She had a compelling urge to hold her when she said it.

They stayed in bed, partially wrapped around each other, for another ten minutes before reluctantly getting up. Updates on the weather had moved the nicest day of the week from Tuesday to Monday which sunk Delphine's heart. She wondered which of them would bring up Cosima's leaving first. She knew that she certainly didn't want to, but Cosima had engagements that she needed to tend to, a girlfriend she needed to surprise. _An awful girlfriend. How could Cosima stay with her? Who could ever treat Cosima like anything less than precious?_ Delphine had already gone over these thoughts a million times since learning Cosima was involved with someone. It was pointless.

They decided to take the bus to get Cosima a new cellphone. Delphine remembered the multiple providers around University Ave W, and she knew that area very well – better than the area around her own residence. When she first moved to the United States, she wasn't sure whether she would qualify for a scholarship, so she spent a lot of time looking for jobs. Fortunately, she had done well enough during her undergrad to receive assistance and some grants.

Although it was much nicer outside, it was still raining and cold. Cosima borrowed a jacket and they shared the umbrella again as they walked. Since they were out, they stopped by small diner to have lunch before resuming their search. A break from the weather was also nice. It didn't take long for Cosima to recognize her regular provider, and they were out of the building with a new cellphone in less than fifteen minutes. It probably helped that Cosima chose a downgrade from her previous phone instead of a nicer one.

Just before they turned around to start back home, Delphine saw a man walk into a bakery about two blocks away. Of course, this wasn't just any bakery. It was Delphine's favorite in the city because of their croissants. The owners were from France, so their goods were as authentic as they could get using American ingredients. She didn't like being so stereotypical, but she couldn't help the matter. Delphine was sure they would be closed for the week since it's small, owned by a man and his wife, and they liked to find excuses for a vacation. She regretted never learning their names.

However, when she clearly saw a figure walk into the small structure, she grabbed Cosima's hand and practically ran down the sidewalk. She hadn't been there for so long and Cosima would surely enjoy their food. She felt Cosima grasp her hand for dear life as they sped across the slippery cement. Cosima never said anything, never asked where they were going, just snickered at Delphine's excitement. It had probably been months since she last stopped in; she missed the place.

When they finally arrived, the man was just exiting, and she recognized him as the shop owner. He didn't seem to notice the two women hand-in-hand coming to a stop a few meters away. He turned, locked the door from the outside, and left in the opposite direction, opening a large black umbrella.

Delphine watched the man leave for a moment before turning her attention to the door. The lights were out, and a sign taped to the front read: Closed thru Friday. Resume regular hours on Saturday.

She was disappointed, leaving the storefront to walk home, and dragging her feet most of the way. She told Cosima about their excellent croissants and Cosima teased her for her 'predicable French-ness'. It wasn't until they got to her apartment building, when she went to search for the key somewhere in her bag, that she let go of Cosima's hand. She didn't realize they hadn't let go until just then. It didn't seem to bother either of the women, but Delphine felt a vacant chill in her hand when they let go.

Neither of the two made any move in the direction of Cosima's departure, talking throughout the afternoon about nothing in particular. Cosima hadn't even turned her new phone on yet. It seemed like she was avoiding it. The number stayed the same and the man who had helped them said she'd only need to input contacts and personal items, people would still contact her through the same number. She said she never kept much on her phone anyway – justifying the downgrade – so it wouldn't be a problem.

When six o'clock came around, Cosima asked Delphine for her cell-phone number so they could keep in touch when she left. After copying it on a sticky note with the name reading 'French toast', Cosima stuffed it in her bag and sat awkwardly on the couch picking at her fingernails. "Thanks, uh, for letting me stay here. Super nice of you, especially considering I was a complete stranger," she nervously laughed, "and, like…becoming my friend. We're friends, right? I consider you my friend, but you don't have to agree or anything, like, no pressure to…be…my friend?"

Delphine laughed at Cosima's stuttering, _endearing_, "Of course, we're friends. At one point I remember thinking we were 'besties' for some reason," Delphine said with air-quotes.

"No, Delphine. That one was very much out loud," Cosima laughed, "Shouldn't you have excellent tolerance for alcohol? You were legitimately drunk last night. I figured you wouldn't have even remembered that".

"I really should, but I don't drink that much all at once," she explained, "Just a glass or two with dinner – not a bottle or two for dessert".

"I'll take you to a club sometime, have some hard liquor" Cosima stated, half-jokingly. "Hey, have you ever, you know…" Cosima took a fake drag of an invisible joint, gesturing for Delphine. When Delphine shook her head, she was met with an eye-roll from the American. "Don't worry, we'll fix that".

Delphine felt high already, she didn't need weed. She was elated that Cosima was making plans for them to spent time together in the future. It made her inevitable departure less daunting. "Someday," she agreed noncommittedly. Pot wasn't something Delphine was against, but it was still intimidating for her. Smoking with Cosima, though…

Delphine didn't want Cosima to feel obligated to stay (for whatever reason) and she didn't want to be the one keeping her from her plans. She got up and slid slippers on her feet to walk Cosima down to the door of the building. Cosima hesitated, but eventually followed suit, grabbing her bag on the way out the door that Delphine held open for her. Their walk downstairs was silent. Not their usual comfortable silence, but not awkward either. Delphine felt like a kid who just got in trouble and was sent to their room. The fun was over, and she would be alone again soon – something that was welcome before, but now, for the first time in her life, Delphine felt loneliness in her solitude.

The main entrance came too soon, both of them slowing down the closer they got to it. Delphine was panicking, suddenly. What if she never saw Cosima again? Cosima wanted to get together in the future, but what if she forgets all about Delphine? Yes, Cosima had her number, but she didn't have Cosima's. Before Cosima could reach the handle, Delphine caught her wrist gently, "Em…" Delphine wasn't prepared, she observed, "…text me?" She hated sounding so desperate, but she was.

Cosima smiled, making Delphine do the same, "Of course".

"Okay…and…and you have the directions on your phone now? You texted, uh, her?"

"Yes," she giggled at Delphine's obvious stalling and nervousness.

"Okay, good," Delphine looked at her for a moment before raising her hand to the side of Cosima's neck, holding her safely in place while she dipped her head down to Cosima's right cheek, then to her left. Normally she wouldn't have done anything with her hands – at most, maybe a hand on her shoulder – but she didn't want Cosima to run away. She also knew that her kisses were longer and placed much closer to her lips than she had done with anyone else, boyfriends included. She didn't know why, but 'boyfriend' felt like such a distant concept all of a sudden. Maybe because it had been a while.

When she finally pulled away, she felt Cosima let out a trembling breath and watched as she slowly opened her eyes to meet Delphine's. The closeness that Delphine's farewell initiated did not budge. Delphine had to look down slightly to hold Cosima's gaze. She noticed her heart beating nearly out of her chest, and took an awkward step back, dropping her hand from Cosima's neck. "Uh, au revoir, Cosima," she said like it was a question. She didn't want to say goodbye, she wanted Cosima to answer her hidden question with 'no I'm not going to leave you'.

"See you soon," Cosima said with a chipper smile. That made Delphine feel better. They will see each other again and it will be soon. She started stepping out the door with that mischievous smile, "I'm learning so much French shit from you. Here I was thinking you were just supposed to touch cheeks or whatever, but apparently…" After blowing a kiss, she was off, looking back once to wink at a scarlet Delphine.

Delphine stood in the door frame and watched Cosima walk down the sidewalk to the cab in the parking lot. Cosima was right – Delphine had actually kissed her cheeks – lips and all. She figured the American wouldn't know the difference, but it seemed Cosima was much smarter than the typical Americans she'd encountered. Or secretly French? Delphine didn't think much about it since Cosima didn't appear all that bothered.

She couldn't keep the enormous smile from gracing her lips. That is, until she closed the door to her apartment unit and was met with an eerie, hollow silence. A silence that used to feel like she was floating in tepid water, placid, now felt ice cold and stagnant.

What was she going to do?


	7. Text Me

**7\. Text Me**

As requested, Cosima texted Delphine when she made it to her destination.

**Message (1)**

**Unknown number:** _hey…arrived, I have :P_

Delphine knew who it was, though she didn't understand the odd syntax. She replied simply.

**DC:** …_.?_

**Unknown number:** _uhhhhhhh your new bestie? Is this not French toast? Did Mademoiselle Crêpe give me a fake number?_

**DC:** _Hello Cosima ;)_

Why did she send a wink? Cosima is going to be put off by that, merde. She saved the number.

**Cosima:** _I thought you should know that you are saved in my phone as 'French Toast'_

**DC:** _:) I wasn't clever enough to come up with an alias for you._

**Cosima:** _you suck_

**DC:** _My apologies. Did she like your surprise?_

Delphine could never get herself to say 'girlfriend' or ask her even name so she could just refer to her by that. It made her uncomfortable, like she was living a sensible lie and the word 'girlfriend' was the mallet of truth that would shatter it all. In a way, it was true.

**Cosima:** _yeah she seemed excited. She's making me meet all her new friends next week and im not really looking forward to it._

**DC:** _What, you don't like meeting strangers? ;)_

**Cosima:** _when it's on my own volition! Or when nature forces happenings…._

Delphine couldn't tell if it was flirtatious or not. What did it matter, though? She was the one being flirtatious first. Why all the winking and smiley faces? She had to admit, it was a thrill every time she sent a message or heard the chime that her phone made when she received one. She'd never experienced that before, she noted.

They texted until Delphine ended up falling asleep, close to two in the morning, under a single blanket, still clothed from the day, cellphone on the mattress next to her ear.

Around 8:45 a.m. is when Delphine finally woke up. She didn't feel great after sleeping in her day clothes and on top of her covers. She noticed, then, that her bed was perfectly made, which she didn't remember doing yesterday. Cosima must have done it while Delphine was showering. She felt bad for only noticing now.

Cosima!

Delphine quickly grabbed her cell phone, which had fallen on the floor while she slept. Her lock screen informed her of seven new text messages.

**Cosima (6)**

**Scott (1)**

She opened the message from Scott first, thinking it would be simpler. It was. He just asked if she would be joining Monday/Wednesday labs or Tuesday/Friday labs during the summer session. She told him she wasn't sure yet, and then went straight to Cosima's messages, not wanting to think about school just yet.

**Cosima:**

_-Not really but you should totally come. Then I wouldn't be the only one who doesn't know anybody._

_-Also send a picture of yourself_

_-For my contacts! Not for some weird reason or whatever…just a picture for contacts_

_-Actually like you don't have to…it could just be like your foot or something if you don't like sending face pictures…._

_-But not a foot fetish thing! Holy shit im like a genius at being awkward and creepy…im sorry._

_-Jesus now you like are so creeped out you don't want to talk anymore and im not making it better by just text bombing you …holy shit this is like a thought out message and im still rambling…its late..im sorry friend..ignore me…which you're already doing..shit I just need to stop now….I'm going to send this…_

Delphine didn't notice the grin that crept its way up her cheeks as she scrolled through Cosima's rambling, or the lip that slipped between her teeth. The liked waking up to a flurry of messages from Cosima. With Scott it was a little less than annoying, but with Cosima…

She quickly texted back.

**DC:** _Good morning mon amie. Sorry, I fell asleep. Who knew you could ramble over text? Have you heard of the backspace button?_

She didn't have to wait long for a response. It came so quickly, in fact, she didn't even get the chance to get all the way out of bed. She laid back down and opened her messages again.

**Cosima:** _Mornin gorgeous. It's all good …I get stupid at night sometimes. Last night was one of those times..lol. what are you doing today?_

**DC:** _I didn't really have anything planned. I don't really do much… What about you?_

**Cosima:** _ughh sight-seeing. Totally not down for that. Im being taken against my will man. I wish you could come.._

**DC:** _It's awful outside. You are going to walk around in the rain?_

**Cosima:** _car._

Delphine was glad that Cosima wasn't really referring to her girlfriend either. Maybe she didn't want to leave the fantasy world that only held the two of them just as much as Delphine. They texted until Cosima had to go, promising to text later. Delphine wasn't pleased with the lack of contact but knowing she would hear from her again helped. She ignored the fact that she was becoming a little too obsessive.

The day went by very slowly for Delphine and she felt a bit lost. She didn't know what to do with herself. What did she normally do when she was alone? She couldn't think of anything. Anything besides Cosima, that is.

She ended up putting Hallmark on while she went over some assigned articles on her laptop. Her attention was in a hazy area between Hallmark, laptop, and Cosima. She could never fully attend to one thing, only because the thing she wanted to attend to, what was pulling at her the most, was Cosima and she had to stop this fixation. So, she was in a hazy area between Hallmark, laptop, and Cosima.

Just when Delphine was thinking about going to bed early, she heard her text tone. She felt a massive wash of relief for some reason, along with giddiness before even opened the message.

She and Cosima texted throughout the evening, Delphine remembered to change out of her daytime clothes this time. She crawled under her covers, plugged her phone in, and stared at her bright screen while the sky darkened. She fell asleep again, but this time, after a long period of no reply, Cosima simply sent "goodnight Delphine".

They spent the next three days doing the same thing. Delphine noticed that, in the morning when Cosima replied to her, she would read it in Cosima's morning voice, raspy and slurred. She wondered what Cosima was doing while they texted.

She was probably laying in bed with her girlfriend. _Why is that so bothersome?_ Delphine had become possessive and she knew it wasn't right because she had only known Cosima for a few days, whereas this other woman had known her for years. Known her intimately. But for years she mistreated her, too.

Spring break was almost over, and Delphine was glad to have some activity to look forward to besides moping. She exited her shower and saw two missed calls on her phone, both from Cosima, along with several texts.

**Cosima:**

_-hey can I call? For once im alone…she went out somewhere or something idk…anyway…call?_

_-Eh I tried…youre probably busy and im just being annoying af._

_-I just wanted to know if you decided to come tomorrow night? Drink dance socialize and hang out with ME. This is a great deal._

_-She's back so like..dont decide to randomly call back now :) …text me tho dammit._

Delphine would typically be smiling idiotically after reading the texts, but she was actually feeling quite nervous. Cosima invited her to a get-together on Saturday night that her girlfriend was "dragging" her to. She was supposed to be meeting a group of her 'wilder' friends at a club, saving her 'quieter' friends for Monday when the bars and clubs weren't as active. Delphine was glad she had school on Monday – an excuse to decline if offered.

She wanted to see Cosima, though. But she wouldn't know what to wear to a club? And she didn't particularly want to actually meet the significant other. She texted back weakly.

**DC:** _I don't think I have anything appropriate to wear to a club…_

**Cosima:** _ok…first of all, shut up. That's an awful excuse ;). Please youd be doing me a solid, I'd owe you one. I like clubs and dancing and shit but these people aren't really my crowd and they scare the shit out of me. :(_

**DC:** _wouldn't you get in trouble or something? Your gf might not like it._

Delphine knew that was probably a part of it, but she mostly just didn't think she could stand the sight of some other stranger all over Cosima, touching, kissing. She wouldn't be a _stranger_, though, and it wouldn't be wrong of Cosima's girlfriend to touch her.

**Cosima:** _uh don't worry she probably wont even notice youre there. She probably wont notice that im there after the first like ten minutes._

Delphine was saddened by Cosima's explanation. Now she felt like she really had to go, for Cosima's sake. She was already mad at someone she didn't even know. She replied with an assertiveness she wasn't aware she possessed.

**DC:** _Come over sometime to tell me what to wear. And don't make me dance…_

**Cosima:** _I'll be there in a couple minutes :)…and dude it's a club..why don't you want to dance?_

**DC:** _trust me, you don't want me to dance either._

Cosima was knocking on Delphine's apartment door about twenty minutes later. Delphine thought it was odd considering she never buzzed her into the main entrance. When she opened it, she saw a soaking wet Cosima, shivering. She looked very similar to when they first met, only a week ago.

"Hi," she said through chattering teeth.

Delphine pulled her inside by her sleeve, chuckling at the sight, "Why...just why?"

"I was kind of near here, I mean, not really, but just chilling at a cool novelty shop and so I walked over 'cause I didn't really have anything else to do".

"I thought you were spending the day with…uh…your…" Delphine couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. Why was she so sensitive to this? Cosima's relationship is none of her business.

Cosima saved her by just continuing, "Yeah, we were hanging out at that shop thing and she got a phone call and was just talking forever. So, I nudged her, and she said to wait there, then went back to talking and walked away. I figured she was going to the bathroom or something, I don't know, but when I looked outside, her car wasn't there…so…now I'm here".

Delphine was giving her a look. She didn't know how to explain the emotions that were in her expression, but the blond felt angry, sad, sympathetic, and frustrated with Cosima. She shouldn't be with that girl. All she could do was shake her head and hold Cosima's face with her hands covering her ears, warming the frozen skin. She did it automatically, like she just knew that she should be thawing her ears and cheeks with her warm hands. "Cosima…"

"Okay let's just have a look at your wardrobe. See what we can work with," she redirected, gesturing for Delphine to lead the way.

"I don't think there's really much to–"

"Nonsense!" Cosima interrupted as they entered the bedroom, "If there is literally nothing we can always just go buy something. I'm loaded, you know".

"Oh, are you now?" Delphine smirked, her sarcasm was obvious, but she wasn't sure if Cosima was joking or not.

"Ha! No. I'm broke," Cosima started sifting through hangers, looking over tops, "I really need to get a job". Delphine hummed in response, awkwardly moving back to sit on the end of her bed, watching Cosima work. "Dude, you totally have stuff that would work. Here," she threw a silky, dark red, sleeveless top to the bed next to her. Delphine looked it over, not completely recognizing it. "Do you have leggings or skinny jeans or maybe black leather pants with studs on the seams and gang signs on the pockets?"

Delphine almost choked on the air she was breathing, "What!? No…"

Cosima erupted in giggles, "Oh my gosh. Painfully innocent." Delphine knew she was kidding, but she wasn't going to stand for it. In one swift movement, Delphine pulled Cosima to the bed by her wrist, pinned her down, and started tickling her weakest spots before Cosima could stop her like last time. She squirmed and struggled to breath through her laughter. Delphine thought that maybe she liked Cosima laughing the best.

Cosima whisper-screamed through her gasping, "Mercy!"

Delphine finished getting ready for bed, nervous about tomorrow. She wanted Cosima to stay the night again, but she wouldn't dare ask. _Should it matter though?_ If they were just friends, then her girlfriend shouldn't have anything to worry about.

She knew these were all lame arguments, but she couldn't settle her mind about it. She crawled under her covers and tried to calm her thoughts. She was not looking forward to meeting Cosima's girlfriend. Solidifying the fact that she exists. Which was only irritating because of how poorly she treated Cosima. That was the only reason, really.


	8. La princesse Delphine

**8\. La princesse Delphine**

Delphine's nervousness morphed into a high anxiety throughout the day.

How was she supposed to introduce herself?

Would Cosima introduce her?

What would Cosima say?

What has Cosima said about her or their meeting? Should she text and ask, or would that be too much?

Should she put makeup on, or would that be too much, or would it seem like she didn't care if she didn't put makeup on?

She didn't care, she didn't care if she looked pretty, there would be no reason to care, she's not dressing up for anyone.

She should still look nice, everyone else probably would. She wouldn't want to stand out or embarrass Cosima somehow.

Would Cosima be embarrassed of her? Why would she be embarrassed?

That's stupid, Cosima's not that superficial. But she still wants to make a good impression…

She should cancel. Tell Cosima she was…feeling sick.

No, Cosima would see through that. That would make her sad, she didn't want Cosima to feel sad. Her girlfriend already did enough of that.

She had to go, so she could show Cosima that she was worth being paid attention to. As a person, a friend, not specifically a romantic partner. But especially a romantic partner – for Cosima's sake, of course.

What made this all worse was, after Cosima said good morning and they texted for a couple minutes, she informed Delphine that she wouldn't be able to talk much until after 5:00 p.m. She was supposed to be at the club around 7:30 p.m.

Delphine wasn't antisocial, she just didn't like the uncontrollable atmosphere that surrounded parties and clubbing. She hadn't gone out in so long she was afraid of looking silly somehow. She would look out of place, just her demeanor, she knew it. She hoped Cosima would know not to abandon her.

Delphine couldn't believe she made it all the way to 4:30 p.m. without throwing up. Cosima texted her at random points during the day when she got a chance, which Delphine was grateful for. She wondered if Cosima was aware of how antsy she was getting. She seemed to. _It feels like she knows – She's good at that_

Finally, around 5:20 p.m., Cosima called her. Delphine felt a large portion of worry drain out of her when she saw the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Bonjour! It's me"

"Bonsoir," Delphine felt her automatic smile start to perk up.

"How are you doing? Are you going to back out on me? Leave me high and dry?" Cosima exaggerated her suffering.

"Never. Where is this club, again?"

"I'll send you the address. It's actually pretty close to your place, and it's more of a bar with an open area for dancing than a club".

"Isn't that what a club is?"

"Shut up. I'll see you in a couple hours, okay?"

"Oui, I will be there".

Delphine started getting ready immediately after they hung up. She took another shower to ease some nerves. Remembering that Cosima had already picked out her outfit made her sigh in relief. One stressful responsibility already out of the way. Choosing underwear and a bra were difficult tasks since Cosima didn't do that part. She was caught between wearing something casual and comfortable, and one of her sets of lacy undergarments. She chose the lace, but only because it went best with her outfit and she wanted to match, of course.

She put some light makeup on to compromise with her earlier dilemma, a spritz of perfume, and black, dress flats. She knew Cosima wasn't thrilled about being short and she didn't want to augment her height. She was ready by 6:20 p.m. and regretted starting so early. She played on her phone for a couple minutes, but eventually got too impatient and decided to start walking. She grabbed her umbrella and coat, then checked the directions one last time before leaving.

Delphine arrived at the bar ten minutes early. She took her time walking and stopped by a market on the way to grab a piece of fruit to have something in her stomach before she drank. Or to stall. She was slightly worried about alcohol but let it slide as she focused her stress-attention on the company she would be keeping.

When she walked in, she immediately spotted Cosima at the bar, occupying a stool on the end and drinking a beer. Her back was to Delphine, so she had the chance to admire the tight fit of the woman's red dress. Cosima looked good in anything – Delphine's extra-large clothing, her flowing, colorful attire – but the way she was dressed now made Delphine's stomach feel odd.

Eventually, after a minute or so of surveying the room – and Cosima while she wasn't aware of her presence yet – she finally moved to the seat next to Cosima, whose face turned into one of extraordinary delight.

"Delphine…"

"Cosima".

"Dude. You are hot," Cosima said as she looked her up and down.

Delphine blushed, but didn't try to hide herself like she typically would for anyone else. With Cosima, she didn't want to hide. She liked it when Cosima looked at her. Probably just some vain streak she had going on. "Are you drunk already?"

"This is my first beer, and look, it's only, like, halfway gone!"

"First beer, darling, but the third drink on your tab tonight," said a friendly-looking blond bartender who seemed like she would treat everyone with such casualness.

"Bobby," Cosima pointed at her, "hush". Bobby ignored her and turned back to her other patrons. "Just met Bobby here. I think she said she owns the place".

"Where, uh…" Delphine started her question, but wasn't able to finish. She hated saying girlfriend, and she and Cosima had some kind of unspoken agreement to not mention anything real about her.

"She dropped me off here so that I could meet you, and then she went to go pick up her friends at one of their houses. She said she'd be back in about half an hour".

"When did she leave?"

"Twenty-three minutes ago," Cosima said, somewhat sadly. Delphine figured that was why she had already been drinking. She was gone long enough for Cosima to have almost three drinks.

"My opinion of her is not improving," Delphine said as she signaled for Bobby to bring her a glass of what Cosima was drinking.

"You haven't even met her," Cosima tried to defend, but Delphine could hear the emptiness in her statement.

"That's exactly the point," Delphine took the glass Bobby brought over. Cosima just sighed in response, resting her chin on her palm.

"Sorry for being such a buzzkill," Cosima tried to perk up, "Let's get a table before it gets busy. Are you hungry?" She started to get up, grabbing her drink and looking around the establishment.

"I, ehm, no not really," Delphine stuttered as she followed Cosima's lead to a table near the back. "But I should probably eat something anyway," she said, thinking about the impending intoxication that a full stomach would help soften.

Delphine liked that their table was a little more out of the way and relatively quiet, but they were also close to the bathrooms so there was a lot of traffic. From the limited list of bar foods on the menu, they ordered the house fries. Cosima's mood improved, but she wasn't back to her energetic, smiling self yet. Conversation was easy, and they kept it light, talking about the kinds of bars or clubs Cosima went to when she lived in San Francisco. They sounded much nicer than their current venue.

A silence fell over them after a few minutes. Cosima didn't really seem sad, but she wasn't happy that it had been another half-hour, and no one had showed up. Delphine thought she saw disappointment and maybe embarrassment in Cosima's expression. She knew she couldn't help the matter the way it needed helping. She picked at their fries, barely able to bring herself to eat a few.

"These are the worst fries I have ever had. I think they used rotten potatoes and fried them in tar," Delphine said after too long of a silence, examining a fry between her fingers that was more off-tan than it was yellow.

Cosima turned her attention to Delphine and then the fry. After a moment of a blank expression, Cosima burst out laughing, making Delphine start to laugh as well. Their enthusiasm was very disproportionate to the comment, but the tension was physically melting away, much to Delphine's pleasure.

"You obviously haven't been in America long enough. These actually aren't that bad as far as bar food goes," Cosima's eyes sparkled from the wetness her laughter brought to them. Delphine thought it was beautiful, like tiny stars, and couldn't stop looking into them, admiring them. "Don't worry, we'll find other places that will make this look gourmet. It's my mission now".

"Oh great," Delphine smiled at her, at the dullness that always seemed to cover Cosima's sparkle when that woman affected her, trying to comfort something she didn't entirely understand. "Do you want to call to make sure she's okay?"

"Oh," Cosima looked like she just realized something, "I hadn't even thought that she may not be okay, I just figured she was being shitty. I guess that makes me the shitty one". Cosima retrieved her phone from her bag and walked over to the short, but quiet hallway leading to the bathrooms.

Delphine felt awful when she heard Cosima blame herself. The woman wasn't even here, and she was making Cosima feel bad about herself. Delphine watched Cosima talk, unable to hear anything over the music and chatter that had picked up over the course of the evening. It was almost 8:45 p.m. at that point. Cosima's expression underwent a variety of emotions before she hung up and returned to their table.

"Let's dance," she said before she emptied the rest of her glass and loudly dropped her phone onto the table, "C'mon". Cosima grabbed Delphine's hand and pulled her out of the booth. Delphine followed reluctantly, suddenly becoming nervous again. She'd had a feeling Cosima wouldn't let her sit out, but she had tried to ignore the thought. Now that it was happening, she wasn't entirely sure of what to do. "Okay," Cosima said, stopping near the edge of where everyone was dancing, "So, what do you know?"

Delphine was a little surprised Cosima even remembered that she couldn't dance, after all the emotions and events that had happened between when she mentioned that and now. "Oh, well um," Delphine tried to think, and then proceeded with the only thing she knew, "Here". She took Cosima's hand in her own and placed her other hand on Cosima's waist.

"Oh, no," Cosima said without moving, but a smile gracing her face, "No, no. You cannot tell me that all you know is ballroom dancing".

"Of course, all the royalty in France had to learn it," Delphine said nonchalantly as they started moving, "You don't know how?"

"Uh, no, I remember some basics from high school gym class," she said thoughtfully, looking confused for a second, "Wait, what? Royalty?" Cosima practically yelled.

Delphine rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Oui, papa always called me _princesse_ when I was a little girl. I just figured…" Delphine winked at Cosima, her wide eyes turning into squinting ones. Delphine tugged her closer and started a poor attempt at what she remembered from her youth. The detail that they were both a bit intoxicated didn't help the elegance of their movements. Delphine was glad she chose flats. Cosima was wearing heals so they were about the same height.

"Delphine, people are looking at us…" Cosima whispered in her ear, sending a few goosebumps down Delphine's neck.

Delphine whispered back, "It's because we are doing so well," Cosima laughed, "They are all jealous of us".

The two of them swirled around, never really using a specific dance technique or certain moves, but more like hugging, occasional twirling, and random foot movements that caused them to trip more often than not. They laughed at their absurdity, which didn't help performance quality. Delphine felt her body warming up from the alcohol and constant closeness with this woman.

After a solid forty-five minutes of flailing around, the two women sat down to hydrate themselves. Bobby brought them two glasses and a pitcher of water.

Cosima drank a generous amount and smiled wickedly, "So, I was thinking…"

"Yes, stop that," Delphine retorted, grinning as she took delicate sips from her glass, "I have a feeling that no good will come from it".

Cosima ignored her and continued, "…that maybe, since we're doing super awesome at your dancing stuff, we both have a shot or two and you learn my dancing…stuff". Cosima was already signaling Bobby for the shots.

"Dancing…stuff? What kind of dancing stuff is your dancing stuff?"

"The dancing stuff that all the other normal people are doing here," she explained as Bobby set a small tray down with four shots, "Obscene and uncomfortable. Look out there, do you know what that dancing is called?" Cosima pointed to a couple in the center of the room.

"It looks like clothed, anal intercourse…" Delphine stated, looking around the bar.

"Exactly. Grinding. Do you know what grinding is?". Cosima swallowed her shot quickly, wincing as she set the glass down.

"It looks familiar. I don't know if I can do that, though," she said nervously. Delphine examined her shot for a moment. She never drank hard alcohol, really only wine. She didn't want Cosima to tease her about it though, so she quickly poured the contents past her lips. Too quickly. She was aware that it was going to burn, but she wasn't fully prepared for it. Her face scrunched up in an expression of disgust and she rinsed her mouth with her water, although it didn't really help much.

"And that's what the shots are for," Cosima got up and offered her hand to Delphine, who took it hesitantly. "Don't worry, dude, I will teach you what you need to know and then you'll look like a pro".

They found a spot near a speaker that wasn't in the middle of everyone and on a side of the bar that was free of tables. Cosima had to yell over the booming speakers and noise of the bar, informing Delphine that they would be learning the 'anal dancing' first and then asked her if she wanted front or back. Delphine decided that having Cosima's body hiding the majority of hers would be best, so she chose back.

Cosima turned her back to Delphine, reached back to claim her hands, and then set them on her hips. Delphine felt the slight roughness from Cosima's dress caused by seams and subtle patterns. Then she felt Cosima's hip bones, her hips, her waist. It was nice. "I'm glad you're getting comfortable," Cosima said, shaking Delphine from her trance. She blushed at her thoughtlessness.

Cosima continued to instruct Delphine about hip movements, keeping the beat, making sure to not be so stiff. Delphine wasn't necessarily quick in learning this, but she caught on eventually and was starting to enjoy herself. She felt like she could blend in with the crowd – the crowd that seemed to have so much confidence. She felt confident, granted Cosima was blocking most of her movements, but still.

Delphine felt Cosima's back slowly getting closer to her front and she wasn't sure if it was Cosima pushing back or if she was pulling her closer. After three songs had gone by, Cosima was flush to her front.

She felt slightly panicked. Not because of their position, but a fear of when Cosima would eventually leave it. She could breath fine before, but now it seemed as though Cosima's presence against her body was the only airway to her lungs, and if she moved, Delphine wouldn't be able to handle the disconnection.

While she was thinking about it, though, she found it odd that she didn't feel weird about dancing so intimately with another woman. On the contrary, she liked it very much. She liked being able to predict the movements Cosima would make, but still not be 100% sure. And it didn't scare her that she couldn't control it. The alcohol was probably making her feel this way. She didn't have a high tolerance for the hard stuff and it was most likely just altering her perception of the situation.

Cosima lazily laid her head back on Delphine's shoulder. She wasn't sure if Cosima was just tired or if she was trying to be sexy. It was sexy anyway. Delphine's hands had moved up to Cosima's midsection, basically hugging her from behind, and Cosima put her hands on top of Delphine's arms. She felt her heart race speed up as her body was flushed with almost-numbing tingling. She was starting to feel concerningly light-headed and she felt like she was gasping for air.

Cosima seemed to notice, turning around in her arms with a worried expression. She walked Delphine backwards a short way until she felt the wall against her back.

"Are you okay, dude?" Cosima asked, backing up only enough to speak.

"I think that just wore me out," she replied, trying to catch her breath and avoiding looking at Cosima.

"Wait here, I'll be right back," Delphine tried to protest but Cosima interrupted, "I'm not done with you. I'll be like two seconds, just chill for a minute".

Delphine watched the woman saunter over to the bar, moving her hips as though she knew Delphine was looking at her. Why was she looking at her? Delphine was glad she didn't need to drive, she was obviously drunk.

Cosima returned with a glass of water and the two shots from their table. "So, now we're moving on to non-anal grinding. And you will need this," Cosima said, handing Delphine a shot. She took it without question and handed Cosima the empty glass. Cosima raised her eyebrow, seemingly surprised by Delphine's newfound recklessness. Delphine smiled, then reached out and moved Cosima's arm up, forcing her to take the other shot. Cosima took it easily and then set the empty glasses on top of the speaker, made both of them down some water, and then set that glass next to the shot glasses.

Cosima clapped her hands together, "Ready?"

"Non," Delphine chuckled, "Do I have a choice, though?"

Cosima reached up and laced her hands behind Delphine's neck, preparing for the next song, "Of course you have a choice," Cosima said, inches from Delphine's face, staring very intently into her eyes, "Tell me if you want to stop".

If Delphine hadn't been leaning against the wall still, she would surely have fallen at that. Cosima started to pull lightly, silently directing Delphine to follow. She automatically brought her hands to Cosima's waist to steady herself.

Cosima, once again, instructed her movements like a professor. Delphine got the hang of it much sooner this time. It could have been from practice or from the easiness the alcohol brought her. She knew she had little grace at this point, but she felt like she was doing well enough. Her attention was not focusing on much else besides instructing her body's movements and wandering over Cosima's body.

_Cosima must be very beautiful if a straight girl takes this much notice_, she thought. She was beautiful, Delphine wasn't going to deny that just so that people didn't think she was gay. Anyone would love Cosima. Except for that bitch of a girlfriend she had. Delphine's filter was falling apart, she noticed, even in her thoughts. Where was that woman anyway? It was almost midnight and she was supposed to be back before eight.

"Okay, I have an idea," Cosima said, once again dragging Delphine back from her trance, "Let's do both at the same time". She waved her hand between them, indicating their dancing.

Delphine laughed, "You must be insanely drunk, Cosima. How would we do both 'anal' and 'front' grinding at the same time?" Delphine pointed out as the song stopped and they moved back to the wall to rest again.

"Not the grinding," Cosima said as though it was obvious, "My dancing stuff and your dancing stuff".

"You want to combine formal dance and club dance? Like I said, you must be insanely drunk," Delphine took a drink from the water they kept on the speaker.

"We could invent it!" Cosima started getting excited, "We would be famous, Delphine".

Delphine loved seeing the twinkle back in Cosima's eyes, even if it was mostly drunken. She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, passively giving Cosima permission. Cosima grabbed her hand and moved their bodies to the front-grinding position. They moved with the music for a couple of minutes before Cosima got that gleam in her eye.

"Alright," she said, slowing their movements, "Twirl me as grandly as you can. But also make it classy".

Delphine laughed at Cosima, which it seemed like she had been doing all night. She really didn't want to separate herself from Cosima, but she did anyway. Cosima was having so much fun, and when she thought about it, so was she. Cosima instructed her to twirl her back, and Delphine did. Cosima spun around with her eyes closed tight and her hair flying, it made Delphine feel lighter just watching the carefree girl enjoying such a simple activity.

Delphine spun Cosima around a few more times before the woman gave in from the dizziness. She told Delphine it was her turn and Delphine did not agree.

"Cosima, we are stopping because you are too dizzy, you are about to fall over. How am I supposed to trust you to–"

"One".

"Cosima, no, we'll both–"

"Dos".

"And I thought your French was ba–"

"Trois! Go!"

Delphine shrieked as Cosima pushed her side, forcing at least a partial twirl. She was surprised that they were both still standing. She saw that Cosima had her free hand against the wall to ensure her balance. Delphine smirked when Cosima tugged her hand so that she would twirl back. She knew they would probably fall or crash into something, but Delphine wanted to prove her point, so when Cosima tugged a second time, Delphine twirled halfway before she pulled hard on Cosima's hand so that she lost the wall as her source of stability. Cosima's face was in complete shock as Delphine reigned a new malicious dominance over her.

It appeared, however, that Cosima was not going to put up with it. She pulled back on Delphine's hand and they both tipped into the wall. They must have looked absolutely shitfaced, which granted, they weren't far from it. Delphine wasn't expecting to still be upright at the end of her scheme. She also wasn't expecting to be leaning flat against the wall with Cosima leaning flat against her. She could feel Cosima's breath on her ear and neck.

She let out an involuntary sigh of a pleasure that she didn't know the source of. No, she knew the source. It was Cosima, pressed against her, not moving away, chest heaving as she caught her breath. What she couldn't understand was why.

_Why is the alcohol affecting me like this? Why am I getting so attached? Why isn't her stupid girlfriend here? Why isn't Cosima moving away? Oh…_

Delphine noticed that she had moved her hands to Cosima's lower back, holding her there. It was more intimate than just a hug. She didn't remember moving them, though. Why was she holding Cosima so tightly? Cosima obviously wasn't moving because Delphine wasn't letting her, that was it. She was probably just staying put so she didn't have to confront Delphine about boundaries. Or something. She couldn't think straight enough to reason it out.

Delphine was truly trying to move her hands away but ended up only pulling Cosima closer. She felt Cosima's hands home themselves on her flat stomach. Delphine couldn't pick out what she was feeling. Her body felt like she was terrified, heart racing, full-body waves of internal shivering, and a magnetism that she wasn't sure the direction of. But her mind didn't feel terrified. She didn't know the feeling.

_This is alcohol, too much alcohol. Let's see…two…three shots and a beer?_ She knew she should have eaten more food earlier, but they had been drinking water and the alcohol was spread out over the course of several hours. _Maybe I have alcohol poisoning. What is alcohol poisoning? Merde._

Delphine felt movement by her neck. Cosima was taking her head out of the nook of Delphine's neck. Delphine didn't realize how much she liked Cosima's head there until it was gone._ Probably just the warmth. It's…cold in here._ It wasn't, though.

Delphine's disappointment didn't last long. Cosima's forehead rested on Delphine's and they looked at each other. Delphine had never seen Cosima so serious. It wasn't a scary situation, but she was scared. They looked in each other's eyes for what seemed like an hour, then Cosima moved her gaze down to Delphine's lips.

Delphine wasn't sure if she, herself, was confused or not. What she knew was that her hands were grasping now at the fabric of Cosima's dress, pulling her impossibly closer and holding Cosima, pressed tightly against her body. If the building was quieter, the music wasn't so loud, the bar's phone would stop ringing, the people stopped chattering, Delphine was sure Cosima would be able to hear her weak whimpers.

Curious of what it would be like to look at Cosima's lips in that moment, just look, she did. Delphine looked down at the glossy, slightly parted lips, moving only a minuscule amount with her breath. The breath that Delphine was feeling on her lips. They were so close, and Delphine knew it was probably 99% her doing. She felt like she was taking advantage of Cosima, somehow. The girl was drunk, and so was Delphine. Why couldn't they just stay in this position forever?

Cosima's hands moved slowly to Delphine's sides and she started to tilt her head. Their noses now touching, Delphine knew what was going to happen if she didn't stop it. She didn't want to stop it. It could have been alcohol, plain curiosity, her desperation to be touched after so long. She didn't care, she wanted Cosima to k–

"Cosima?" a female's voice yelled over the bar's symphony.


	9. A Not-Very-Nice-Word

**9\. A Not-Very-Nice-Word**

"Cosima? Where is Cosima?" Bobby bellowed, holding the bar's phone that had been ringing incessantly.

Cosima jumped back immediately and Delphine's hands fled to the wall behind her. Cosima panicked for a moment, not knowing what to do with herself.

"Mon dieu," Delphine brought her hand to her hair, raking through, looking only at the ground, "I…I need to use the restroom". She quickly squeezed her way through the crowd, passed their table from earlier, and burst into the women's restroom.

It wasn't that bad as far as public restrooms go – especially in a bar. Delphine wet a paper towel and patted her face, trying to shake the awful remnants of emotions still buzzing inside of her. She could still feel Cosima's hands crawling across her stomach. Her chest and torso fluttered at the thought. So, she thought about it again, and again, and again, but she still didn't know what was making her ache.

Eventually, Delphine dried her face with a new paper towel and headed for the door. She entered the tiny hallway that connected the bathrooms and the bar but stopped just short of the entrance. She heard Cosima arguing, presumably on the phone that Bobby was calling her for. Delphine hesitated, she didn't want to disrespect Cosima's privacy, but she also just wanted to listen anyway. So, she listened.

_You don't even know her, she's not some whore. She's straight, for one, and for two, she's actually here! That's more than I can say for you._

_I'm not changing the fucking subject, I already answered you. I just left it on accident. _

_Because, dude, we were dancing. It's a Saturday night, the place is packed, and everyone is dancing. I wasn't going to miss out on actually enjoying myself just because you didn't fucking show up. _

_Cosima's yelling had made the whole side of the bar counter move over a couple seats._

_How is this my fault?!_

_Jesus Christ, yeah, whatever. I don't care. I'm sorry for knowing someone other than you in this place. Sorry for not keeping track of my shit when I'm trying to have fun. And I'm so sorry that you have to have such a slutty piece of shit for a girlfriend. That must be so hard on you._

Cosima hung up the phone and pushed the device back in Bobby's direction. Delphine moved quickly to her, scooping her up in a tight embrace just before Cosima started crying. Delphine stroked her hair as Cosima nestled into the crook of her neck again. She sobbed in Delphine's arms and Delphine didn't let go or loosen an inch of her hold.

Delphine held the umbrella loosely over herself and Cosima. It wasn't raining, but it was likely to start at any moment. Cosima had her arm hooked with Delphine's and she was idly fussing with the string that hung down from the handle of the umbrella.

They hadn't been walking for long, but the music from the bar was completely inaudible already. Cosima's sniffling had decreased significantly. She was probably just tired. Physically and mentally. Delphine negotiated Cosima's request to walk all night long with an offer of late night dessert. They stopped into a pub and found a booth in the restaurant section. Delphine got in first and, to her surprise, Cosima slid in next to her, bracing her legs against the opposite seat.

An older man, who looked like he may be the owner by his casual attire, stopped by their table and took their order. He looked too old to be working as a waiter or cook, but this hour of night probably didn't require much effort.

"I don't really know how to describe tonight," Cosima said, examining her fork, "Like, there was all this shitty stuff but then I had a really awesome time with you, you know?"

Delphine laced their hands together, gently stroking with her thumb, "Do you want to talk about what happened? You don't have to, it's personal and I'm not going to pressure you, but, if you want, I can listen?"

Cosima had a ghost of a smile as she stared at their intertwined fingers. "You're cute," she said, half-drunk and half-asleep. Delphine rolled her eyes and squeezed their hands to encourage Cosima. After a pause and a defeated sigh, Cosima started to open up, "She was supposed to pick up her friends, bring them to the bar, and stay sober so she could be the designated driver".

Cosima looked like she was having a hard time continuing. Delphine assisted, "What happened instead?"

"What happened instead was she got to her friend's house, started drinking, forgot about the bar and me, and passed out for a couple hours," Delphine would be furious if she had the energy. Cosima took a deep breath and finally looked up from their hands. "She apparently called my cell at some point while we were dancing, and I had left it at our table. She said that you were a not-very-nice-word and trying to ruin our relationship with the magic of seduction," Cosima made a rainbow shape with her free hand through the air, "Then she said that I was right…_you_ aren't the not-very-nice-word, _I_ am". Cosima didn't cry, but a couple tears fell from her chin.

There was a moment of silence as Delphine took in the atrocity Cosima went through, wiping away the wetness from Cosima's face. That woman was legitimately abusive, but Cosima excused it, saying it was only because she was drunk and Cosima wasn't picking up. Before Delphine could think of anything to say, their Baileys Cheesecake arrived with two mugs of coffee they didn't ask for but looked like they were in desperate need of.

Cosima's smile was genuine, but it never quite reached her eyes, "I love cheesecake. Do you like it?" She asked in a small reserved voice. Delphine examined her admiringly. Cosima was so kind and such a happy person. Delphine liked that Cosima always made sure that it wasn't just her own needs being met, but also those surrounding her. Or maybe it was just Delphine she afforded that courtesy.

"I don't know," Delphine said after a moment, "I don't think I've ever had it".

Cosima perked up at that. She gasped dramatically and forced a fork into Delphine's hand. Delphine chuckled as she took it, scooching closer to Cosima for no particular reason.

Cosima didn't really have a reason to be in Delphine's apartment, but that's where they both ended up instinctively. Their hands never parted during their meal or the short walk to Delphine's. Both exhausted, they laid on the couch. Delphine on her back taking up the length of the furniture, and Cosima laying mostly on top of her facing the ceiling, the back of her head on Delphine's stomach and the rest of her body nestled between her legs. _Friends lay like this when they were drunk, and one is sad, right?_ After a few minutes of Delphine sifting through Cosima's hair that was spread across her midsection, they fell asleep in their position, just before 4:00 in the morning.

Delphine loved waking up to Cosima's texts, but Cosima laying on her chest was far superior. Cosima had turned onto her stomach and positioned her head right underneath Delphine's chin. Delphine felt her hands already holding Cosima's waist, still wearing her dress. It felt similar to when they were dancing last night and when they nearly fell but ran into the wall instead and almost…What did they almost do? Or rather, what did Delphine want them to do? She would think harder about it if she weren't in so much pain.

Her hangover headache was growing by the second, she needed water and medicine.

She needed Cosima more, though. She wrapped her arms all the way around Cosima's waist and sighed in agonizing bliss.

"Are you awake, Cosima?" Delphine tilted her head to try to get a glimpse of the woman's face. She saw the redness around Cosima's eyes, irritated from crying. Delphine moved her hand up to Cosima's cheek, stroking the redness with her thumb, willing it to disappear. It didn't. She kept trying anyway.

A few minutes went by and Delphine felt fluttering eye lashes on her collarbone. "Why are you so nice to me?" Her raspy morning voice was calming somehow. Affirming her existence or just something that Delphine could rely on always being there.

Delphine liked that Cosima wasn't feigning sleep with her anymore – so far. But saddened by Cosima's question. "I'm not _so nice_ to you Cosima, I'm just treating you like a decent human being". The softness in her voice barely covered the resentment she felt. It also felt a bit dishonest, because she treated Cosima with much more kindness than anyone else. Cosima lifted her head slightly, searching for something with tired eyes. Delphine reached to the coffee table and handed her the glasses she had removed for her last night.

Cosima beamed, "I never remember to do that," she slid them on and blinked a few times, "When I'm old and grey, you will be responsible for making sure my glasses are properly taken care of". Cosima folded her arms on Delphine's chest and looked up at her, lying back down again.

Delphine ignored the flutters in her stomach that appeared right after Cosima spoke. "By then, I'll be old and grey, too, you know? I may have my own glasses to look after."

"Alright, when we are old and grey, you will be responsible for making sure my glasses are properly taken care of…and also yours".

"Brat," Delphine felt her stomach flutter again and her heart speed up slightly, praying Cosima couldn't feel it while she was laying right on her chest. Cosima planned to be with her for that long? Be friends with her, that is.

When the two got up, pain reliever, water, and coffee were the first things to be had. Delphine let Cosima use her shower again, handing her some more comfortable clothes to borrow. Delphine decided she would take a shower later and just change for the morning, not wanting to waste her time with Cosima.

She had just changed into some sweatpants and was taking of her shirt when a voice from behind her made her jump, "You have a great body, you should show it off more," Cosima was standing in the hallway outside the bathroom door. Delphine forgot to close her door and that it was adjacent to the bathroom's. "Also, I love lace," she tacked on the end before moving to the living room, leaving Delphine blushing, still turned away.

Delphine took her shirt the rest of the way off and stood in place for a moment. Cosima had only really seen her back, she had pants on, it was just her back and bra straps she saw.

She didn't know why she wasn't moving. For some reason she wanted Cosima to come back in. _Why?_ Because she gave Delphine a compliment? Was she really that vain? She shook the thought away, removed her bra and put on a loose top. She couldn't help but notice that the back of her bra had no lace – only her bra front and her underwear…

Cosima was staring at her cellphone screen when Delphine entered. She didn't look happy.

"What's wrong?" Delphine asked as she sat next to Cosima on the couch. Cosima tilted the screen toward her, inviting her to see for herself.

**(16) Missed Call(s)**

**(5) Text Message(s)**

"She's mad because I didn't let her know where I was. Earlier I had told her that you had a car and were going to take me home, just so she'd shut up, you know?"

"It seems really possessive, Cosima". Delphine was worried for the poor girl.

"Nah, it's my fault. I lied to her and just kind of did whatever I wanted without saying anything," Cosima opened her messages.

"You're an adult, though," Delphine reasoned, "You don't owe her an explanation, she's not your mother. You have the right to do whatever you want without reporting it to her".

Cosima just shrugged. Delphine read over the messages with her as she tilted the screen for both of them to see.

_-hey you need to stop being a bitch. Im not the bad guy just because I want to know where my fucking gf is?!_

_-ya so shes not a legit whore…but shes probably still all over you when she knows you have a gf? Or did you not tell her about me…cause I wouldn't be surprised. Whatever my ass shes straight…whyd she agree to go drinking with a lesbian Cos? News flash…straight girls aren't into dykes and fags._

_-look babe im not trying to be shitty about this..it's been a while since we've seen each other so like if you want to whore around that's your business, I get it..ive had nights like that too while you've been gone. Just don't let her seduce you…I don't need to know her to know she wants to fuck you..ur hot babe.._

_-im just tired and a little drunk..call me later or ill just see you at home in the morning._

_-Where the fuck are you Cos? Did you even come back last night? I swear if you're at that bitch's house…Jesus Christ why are you doing this to me? Payback for being a little upset last night because you were out with some other girl? I don't even know her fucking name. You can't just pin this on me. Call me._

"That last one was sent this morning," Cosima pointed out, "It's actually not too bad for her".

"This is…not that bad? Cosima, this is awful," Delphine didn't know if she should feel sympathetic or frustrated with Cosima. She felt a little of both. "She sounded almost as anti-gay as my father, and she's gay…"

"She's bi," Cosima stared blankly at her messages. _Why doesn't she understand how wrong this is?_ Delphine heard a shaky sigh come from the brunette as she closed her eyes. She took Cosima's face into her hands, forcing them to meet eyes. She looked at Cosima with a solemnness that seemed to mesmerize her. Delphine's brows scrunched with concern as she shook her head lightly at the situation.

Delphine couldn't help but notice Cosima's frequent glances to her lips and a brief swallow. She took a chance and quickly looked to Cosima's lips, quivering slightly. She didn't know what she was doing, but she felt herself pulling Cosima closer to her.

_What the hell is happening?!_

She quickly rerouted and pulled Cosima in for a tight hug. Cosima chuckled for some reason, but eventually wrapped her arms around Delphine's waist. Closing her eyes, Delphine tucked her head by Cosima's neck, and Cosima did the same. She couldn't be sure, but she thought she felt the slightest brush of Cosima's lips on her neck, giving her a gentle chill.


	10. Shay Knows Everything

**10\. Shay Knows Everything**

Delphine saw Cosima off at the entrance to her apartment building, again kissing her cheeks goodbye. And again using her lips, again too close to the corners of her mouth, and both hands now held Cosima's neck. Maybe she just wanted to show Cosima some physical affection without the foul strings attached.

Delphine spent the day doing some light cleaning and preparing for her return to school tomorrow. She texted Scott again eventually, letting him know she would be taking the Tuesday/Friday lab during the summer after learning he would be taking Monday/Wednesday lab, still unconfident that their plutonic relationship wouldn't have an effect on his behaviors around her. She didn't like going home for the summer because her family could sometimes be dramatic and difficult, not to mention how expensive it would be. So, Delphine chose to take courses during the summer to excuse herself. Her parents didn't seem to mind.

Cosima seemed like she was in a better mood, at least through her texts. She said she had a busy day tomorrow, getting some 'official paperwork' done, Delphine assumed for moving, and meeting the remainder of her girlfriend's friends and acquaintances. Delphine wondered why Cosima was being dragged around to meet so many people instead of just spending time with her girlfriend, but then remembered how Cosima was treated like an 'accessory', not a partner. She rolled her eyes in her empty apartment just thinking about it.

The afternoon and evening went by quickly and Delphine was in bed texting Cosima (as per her usual routine now) in no time.

Delphine woke up two minutes before her alarm went off, the sun rousing her first. She wasn't expecting anyone to be next there when she woke up, but she was still disappointed by the empty pillow she saw. She needed more friends, she thought, otherwise this fixation on Cosima could become a problem – if it wasn't already.

After a quick shower, toast, coffee, and her morning texts to Cosima, Delphine was out the door and on her way to class. She felt like Spring Break had lasted much longer than a week. She was glad to be back, though. She enjoyed school.

She only had two classes on Mondays, the second one was later in the afternoon, so she was always tired by then. Scott greeted her from the adjacent lab station he usually occupied. When she sat down, Scott scooched a little closer and asked her in a quiet voice, "Did you hear? The director?"

Delphine's expression must have answered his question clearly. He explained, "The director of one of the science branches, can't remember which, got fired or something and the new guy is coming in today".

"And how did you find out about this?" Delphine asked lightly, not in entire disbelief, but skeptical.

"Shay. She knows everything," he replied simply, "And I'm sure you can guess who will be introducing him and why…"

"Hmmm, Shay? And because she knows everything?" Delphine smiled as Scott nodded vigorously. She was glad things didn't seem awkward between them after the incident at the party. They both worked in silence with the rest of the room, going over projects and assignments that were left over the break.

Near the end of lab time, a thin, balding man walked in after knocking lightly. "Hello, everyone," he greeted as he took a place at the front of the room. "My name is Dr. Aldous Leekie. Today is my first day as your new director in the Evolutionary Development branch since Mrs. Rodriquez has decided to leave us for personal reasons. I will be available for advising and questions throughout the week and will have several lectures posted on the bulletin board outside the Science Department Office. Please feel free to stop by my office at any time or send me an email through your student account to schedule an appointment. I look forward to getting to know everyone and I hope we will all get along and work well with each other". He gave a small wave accompanied by a gentle smile that wrinkled the corners of his eyes, and then left the room.

Delphine looked at Scott questioningly. He shrugged, "Maybe Shay forgot, I actually haven't seen her much today. But I really thought Rodriquez got fired, maybe it's a polite cover, you know?"

Delphine hummed an acknowledgement and they both finished up their work and cleaned their stations before lab ended. Delphine checked her phone again, like she had been doing compulsively throughout the day. Her eyes lit up when she saw a text notification.

**Cosima:** _I'm soooooooo bored. What are you doing?_

Delphine hadn't told Cosima that she was going to the university. It never really came up and she didn't want to seem pretentious, even though she couldn't really think of how she would be. She was too sensitive to what Cosima did or did not think about her.

**DC:** _Just got done with classes for the day. Doing some extra things on campus pretty soon, then I'm going home. Why are you sooooo bored?_

**Cosima:** _the less wild friends I just met are way too chill. No one is even talking, just smoking. We're going to leave soon though…more friends to meet I suppose..._

**DC:** _How does this girl have so many friends?_

**Cosima:** _im pretty sure like three of the people ive met didn't even seem to know who she was…so maybe she's just introducing me to everyone on the planet._

**DC: **_lol good luck with that. Are you doing anything later?_

**Cosima:** _don't know yet :( …cant get enough of me huh? :P_

Delphine smiled to herself, her cheeks flushing slightly. That was exactly it: she couldn't get enough of Cosima. She was glad that Cosima didn't seem to take note of the new information about Delphine's academic career.

**DC:** _I'm a craven addict ;)_

What was with all of the winking? She didn't even think about it before she sent the message. She scrolled through their conversation again, like she had done several times already.

**Cosima:** _you poor thing. :P Wanna hang out later? It's been an eternity since ive seen you my baguette!_

**DC:** _it's been a day, but yes, I would like to see you again, my…cheeseburger…?_

**Cosima:** _oh my god. No. lol. Anyways…I owe you for letting me crash at your place and being a literal shoulder to cry on. What would you like in return for your services? ;)_

Delphine did not miss the inuendo. It made her flustered for a moment. She never expected anything in return for her hospitality and the question was a bit out of the blue. She crossed her legs unconsciously.

**DC:** _your company will suffice_

Delphine was satisfied with her reply, choosing not to send the wink she had originally typed. It wasn't appropriate for a friendship, was it? Cosima was sending then and didn't seem to have trouble with…_Ugh! Stop overthinking this Delphine_! She mentally chastised herself.

About twenty minutes later, Delphine was back in the lab for the short session of open-lab, the period between classes when no one was using it. She preferred doing her work in private. Even though it was just standard assignments and not at all personal, she felt a bit too vulnerable with people around while she concentrated on something she was passionate about. It made her feel a little insecure and like her personal space for thinking was being invaded. That's why she always sat next to Scott in lab. He never really talked to her – likely because he was too intimidated.

Sometimes Scott would already be there when it was open-lab, but he always chose the station next to the door, leaving Delphine to herself in the back, facing away from everything. He was thoughtful, she would give him that. Although, it seemed like he sat by the door more because of how often his friends would stop by to talk about games she'd never even heard of. Occasionally, some other students would stop by for a minute or so, but it was typically just her or Scott.

Today was a day Scott accompanied her to the lab. Unfortunately, it was also a day that brought far too many gaming buddies by for correspondence, and meant Delphine had to put her earbuds in to drown out most of the surrounding world. Time seemed to pass much quicker this way, anyway, the music streaming from her laptop moving the hands of the clock with a little more force.

She didn't hear the gaming friends leave, but noticed Scott talking with a female voice. It sounded like Shay's, Delphine only caught a few words, but it was enough for her to know what she came for. She mentioned "introductions" and "new here". Delphine pretended like she wasn't hearing anything so that she wouldn't have to turn around and engage just yet. She wondered if Dr. Leekie would say anything to Shay about already introducing himself. It was probably her idea to bring him around since she was the most comfortable when in the center of everything, and she sometimes had a thing for older men. Delphine was only hearing Shay's voice, though, so she figured that Dr. Leekie was just playing along. Shay didn't even like Evolutionary Development, it didn't make sense that she would be the one bringing him around as though he wasn't a full-grown adult with functional legs.

The rows of lab station desks had Delphine somewhat hidden in the back, but she eventually heard her name and a tap on her shoulder. Delphine removed one of her earbuds, still focusing on the notes she was writing. Without bothering to look up, she asked politely, "Yes, Shay?"

"Hey Del, wanna meet someone?" Shay said in an overly-chipper voice, most likely to kiss ass to the new doctor. She hoped Shay wasn't going to pursue the old man, she was being pretty casual for a professional introduction. She really got on Delphine's nerves sometimes, and not always for any particular reason.

"You're a little late. Dr. Leekie already made his rounds to meet everyone in class today," Delphine said, finally looking up to Shay who wore an exasperated expression. She was hoping to knock Shay's overconfidence down a peg or two, but it didn't seem to have that effect.

"Oh my God, Scott just told me the same thing…were you not listening just, like, two seconds ago?" Delphine shook her head and lifted her earbud to explain why. "Ugh you're the worst. No, I'm not introducing the new director, Scott just made assumptions," Shay said, throwing a look over her shoulder toward the culprit as he muttered a half-hearted apology. Delphine's phone buzzed, and she saw a new message from Cosima. She, without a doubt, would be choosing to focus on that rather than Shay's ridiculousness that was only irritating her further.

**Cosima:** _dude I am so tired…can I come over later and we watch a movie? Please please please?_

Shay continued despite Delphine's obvious indifference and distraction. "I would love you guys to meet my girlfriend. You know, the one I talk about all the time and you guys get tired of hearing about?"

Delphine finished her text before she responded, vaguely hearing Shay calling for "babe" to come on in.

**DC:** _Oui. Bring popcorn if you want, I don't think I have any"._

Delphine's mind caught up with the conversation that was happening in the lab, and with a delayed reply, turned to Shay, "I didn't even know you had a girlfriend until you mentioned it at the party. With all the people you're so _friendly_ with, I never would have guessed". Delphine's tone was somewhat playful but the look on Shay's face was telling her to just go with it and perhaps not mention her promiscuity.

Shay turned toward the door where her girlfriend had presumably entered. "She's just kidding, babe," Shay tried to cover, looking back to Delphine who had gone back to her notes, "Look Del, she's speechless after your little _joke_," Shay turned back to her girlfriend with an apologetic smile. "Okay well, as you know now, this is Delphine, or Del," Shay gestured for Delphine to engage as she finally took her headphones all the way off, "And Delphine, meet my girlfriend," Delphine put her best fake smile on and turned in her seat to see the mortified expression of Shay's girlfriend, "Cosima".


	11. Grape Juice

**11\. Grape Juice**

Cosima was indeed speechless, as was Delphine. Cosima raised her hand and gave a small wave, cellphone just now beeping in her other hand from the text Delphine sent. Shay didn't seem to notice the awkwardness and tension in the room, walking over to Cosima and dragging her back toward the door. "Okay, babe, only a couple other people left, and then you can go do whatever you were planning on tonight. Sorry, again, I have to work, you know your way out of the…"

Shay's voice trailed off as she pulled a still-paralyzed Cosima into the hallway. Scott had already gone back to his notes and forgotten the interruption. Delphine felt her face getting hot. She turned back to her own work, covering her cheeks with her cool hands and closing her eyes. Why was she freaking out? She stared at her notes blankly for a few minutes, calming down, when a tap on the shoulder made her jump.

"Whoa, hey Delphine," Scott said, taking a step back, "Didn't mean to scare you. Just wanted to say I was heading out. See you tomorrow?"

Delphine nodded, unable to find her voice. He left with a look of confusion but said nothing. Soon, Delphine was left to the silence of the room by herself. She knew she wouldn't be able to get any work done for the evening, so she started to slowly pack her things and clear her area. A couple minutes passed, and she still felt dazed.

"Hi," a timid voice came from behind her. Delphine turned abruptly and confirmed the voice she recognized.

"Hi," Delphine said back just as quiet. "Where, ehm, where is…Shay?" Delphine was having a hard time putting _Shay_ and _girlfriend_ together.

Cosima looked a bit confused at the greeting but answered. "She went to the uh…Carlton building? I think?"

"Oh, Carlson, oui," Delphine verified awkwardly, "On the West Bank. Shay is over there often". She, herself, was feeling uneasy at the surprise, but she wasn't quite sure why Cosima wore a guilty expression.

"It's so weird hearing her name coming from you…not that it's bad, or good, I don't know, you know? I had no idea you…I guess I didn't connect you going to school and…like, I didn't know that…"

"Cosima," Delphine still couldn't help but grin at her adorable rambling, though it was cut short. She stopped her in time for once.

"Sorry," Cosima breathed out, rubbing the back of her neck. "Are you mad?"

Delphine had to think about it – why would she be mad? "No, I don't think so. Should I be?"

"Well, I don't know. I feel like I lied to you, but I guess I didn't. Not directly at least. I don't know," Cosima clasped her hands together nervously, keeping a safe gaze set on her feet. "Do you still, like, want to hang out or whatever? I get it if you don't want to, you know, after –"

"I'd love to," Delphine smiled warmly, attempting to calm the woman, "Just give me a minute to put my things away and pack up". Delphine continued to gather her items as Cosima shuffled her feet a bit and looked around the lab.

"So," Cosima started, still avoiding Delphine's eyes as she examined every insignificant detail of the room, "I guess this explains why you know so much science-y stuff".

"Oui, I'm studying Immunology," Delphine looked over her shoulder at Cosima where she was walking past the many tables and desks. "What is your excuse, then, for knowing _science-y_ stuff?"

"Well, I have a _science-y_ degree from San Fran, and uh," Cosima hesitated a moment, "I will be studying _science-y_ stuff here. Starting in the summer I'll be working on my Ph. D. in Evo-Devo".

Delphine was impressed, she didn't expect such high accomplishments. Not that she thought Cosima wasn't intelligent – she obviously was, based on the conversations they'd had. "That's really amazing, Cosima. I would ask why you never told me, but I guess I can't really do that". She turned around to face Cosima, leaning on the counter behind her.

"Yeah," Cosima finally made eye-contact, a sly smile spreading over her face as she sauntered over to the blond. "Like, what the hell?" she reprimanded playfully, stopping right in front of Delphine, grasping the lapels of her white garment, "…Miss Lab Coat".

Delphine resisted the urge to pull Cosima in by her waist, just a bit closer. Her hands gripped the edge of the counter-top behind her, teeth nearly drawing blood from her lip as she bit down to release some of the energy that was building inside of her. She was probably just still shocked at the discovery – and did she hear that Cosima would be attending classes in the summer? "W-what is your schedule for the summer?" she managed to distract both Cosima and herself.

"Uh…independent project, I think?" Cosima turned and went back to inspecting the lab, allowing Delphine to finish up.

"That doesn't sound like a very confident answer," Delphine teased as she removed her lab coat and slung her bag over her shoulder.

"Yeah, well, it's not very confident answer".

"Cosima, how do you not know your own schedule?"

They started to make their way out of the building, taking their time through the now empty hallways, as Cosima dug through her pockets and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. "Let's see," she said, unfolding it carefully, "I was very close. Independent Study Lab. I think it was called Independent Project in San Fran. Then in the fall I know I'll be taking Microbiology II and an elective of my choice," she announced with her best radio-personality-voice and finished with a smile.

"How did you manage to skip past Microbiology I?" Delphine asked, confused.

Cosima stuffed the paper back in her pocket. "I didn't, I already took it. Did most of my grad program before coming here, so I have, like, two or three semesters left".

"Oh, wow," Delphine lead them through the main entrance, opening her umbrella once they exited the building, "You're almost finished then?"

"Almost," Cosima looped her arm around the one Delphine was using to hold the umbrella, "What about you?"

"I'm taking a summer course but will be done after fall semester if I get enough credits in," the two women huddled under the umbrella as they waited for the pedestrian light to grant them permission to cross the nearly vacant street. "Hey," Delphine shouted in realization, startling Cosima, "Oh, sorry. I just – you are taking lab, non? This summer?"

"…Yes?" Cosima answered cautiously as they crossed to the next sidewalk, both heading toward their unspoken destination.

"I am taking an Independent Study Lab this summer also," Delphine's wide grin fell slightly. "I wish you had come sooner – you would've gotten to pick your own partner". Delphine's smile disappeared completely as she reminded herself that Cosima probably would have chosen Shay. It shouldn't make her mad, but it did. Not at Cosima – at Shay for some reason.

"Whose lucky ass did you pick?" Cosima chuckled, though there was a flicker of disappointment in her eyes.

"Well, I was going to partner with Scott, but then…there was just this awkward moment before Spring Break, so I chose different lab days. Now I'm working with…" Delphine froze for a moment, "…euh, I'll be working with Shay for the summer". Cosima nodded and they continued their polite conversation as they made their way to Delphine's apartment. Delphine spent a moment wondering why Shay hadn't chosen to wait and partner with Cosima – somehow make it work with her schedule since she knew Cosima would be arriving.

"I don't want to go back out," Cosima whined. "Don't you have anything here?"

Delphine's eyes didn't move from her laptop, scrolling through movie possibilities, "Feel free to search the kitchen, but I know I have no popcorn".

Cosima skipped over to the refrigerator, staring at its contents for a while, apparently finding nothing appealing. "Why are you so healthy?" Cosima asked, moving a bag of carrots to the side as she searched deeper.

"Because I'm not from here," she teased back.

"Ouch," Cosima winced dramatically, turning her head to stick her tongue out at the blond. "It's sickening," she continued, moving on to the freezer, then cupboards. "Oh, would you look at that," Cosima reached to a rack in a corner of the kitchen, "Do you always have alcohol, Delphine?"

She finally looked up from her computer, Cosima was holding up two unopened bottles of red wine. "Usually just wine, chérie. Would you like some?"

"Oh," Cosima set one bottle back on its rack, "Well, if you insist…I suppose we could have a bottle or three". Delphine giggled and shook her head.

Delphine chose a horror movie – one of the older one's that were low quality enough to see through the undeveloped special effects. She wasn't necessarily a big horror fan, she didn't mind it, but typically wouldn't go out of her way to watch one. She wasn't entirely sure of Cosima's cinematic taste, aside from Hallmark, but the girl who was cuddled up next to her seemed to be enjoying it just fine.

They were both curled up on one end of the couch, Delphine's laptop was hooked up to her television, and a large bag of carrots had been squeezed between their bodies. The brunette gave up on her search for a greasy, sugary, or processed snack. Every time Cosima began a new carrot, she would take a loud bite, facing Delphine, staring at her and making the disgruntlement she had for Delphine's dietary decisions known. The Frenchwoman always kept her eyes on the screen, only seeing the act from the corner of her eye, but she couldn't help her muffled giggles as they slipped through the efforts of her stiffened, smiling lips.

Despite Delphine's best efforts, they finished the entire bottle of wine before the movie had ended and were a third of the way through the second bottle by the time the credits started rolling. "Cosima, if we keep doing this, I think I will be an alcoholic before the summer is over". Delphine hiccupped, giggled and brought the back of her hand up to cover her mouth, "You are a bad influence".

"Hey," Cosima slurred, "I'm not the one who stocked up your kitchen, I'm simply enjoying your goods". Cosima's eyes widened slightly as she thought about what she said, but her intoxication flushed all the energy she would have used to backtrack, so she opted for laughter.

Delphine joined her, and they laughed lazily together for a moment until their muscles ached from the strain. Delphine couldn't remember the last time she laughed so hard at anything, it had been a long time since she'd had a friend at all. She never had too many close friends when she was younger, but she was starting to realize how much she missed it. Cosima was different than her childhood friends. She wasn't quiet and polite, she loved to hold hands and be close. It must be a cultural behavior, Delphine reasoned, although she had never experienced that from any other American she'd met.

Perhaps Cosima's physical closeness was what prompted Delphine to change her own cultural behaviors. She was never taught to kiss directly on the cheek. She'd always press her cheek to the receiver's cheek, like everyone else, maybe make the _tsk_ noise of a kiss. With Cosima, though, she loved to feel the warm skin touch her lips. She loved how her kisses always landed on the very edge of Cosima's lips. She marveled at how naturally her hands landed on any part of Cosima – neck, stomach, face, waist.

Maybe she needed to try to find a boyfriend. She liked touching Cosima more than she should and surely having someone else to touch would dim that fire. She didn't know any of the boys from her department, but Shay would most likely know someone and be willing to help. She wished she could take back choosing Shay as a project partner instead of Scott. She would have liked to work with Cosima even more. Experience the scientist side of her. She would have the chance when they were both in Microbiology. _Did I tell Cosima I'm also taking Microbiology?_

"Who do you have for Microbiology this fall?" Delphine turned her body slightly to face Cosima.

"Oh, easy. I got Mike," Cosima turned as well. She was speaking relatively casual for referencing a professor.

"Mike?"

"Professor Mayer," Cosima explained. The same professor she first saw at the department party before Spring break. "We go way back".

"Oh?" Delphine was curious as to what kind of relationship Cosima had with this teacher she had known separately for several years.

"He's from San Fran, too. He and my mom worked together at the university there. I never had the chance to have him as a teacher, but he was always at the events the department put on and would make sure there was grape juice there for me. I was probably, like, eleven or twelve."

"So that's where you get your wine taste from?" she nudged Cosima lazily as the woman rolled her eyes.

Delphine told Cosima about her fall schedule, about also having Professor Mayer for Microbiology II. They continued talking for a while, slowly finishing the second bottle of wine. Delphine registered that they hadn't really talked about Shay or the whole situation, and for that she was grateful. She wasn't ready for it yet. Maybe it was the dissonance between her acquaintanceship with Shay and the awful partner of Cosima she despised so much that was putting her off emotionally.

Around midnight Cosima finally decided she should get home, which was Shay's apartment at the moment, before she got a flurry of obscene texts again. Delphine gave Cosima a dulled expression of knowing, but Cosima waved it off. When they got to the main entrance, where Delphine usually saw her off, Cosima bravely tilted Delphine's head down so she could kiss her cheeks instead of the Frenchwoman this time. She chuckled at a wobbling Delphine as she pulled back, seemingly satisfied with making her aware of the intimate contact's effect. The blond had to will herself to let go of the grasp she had on the side of Cosima's shirt. Cosima wouldn't be on campus the next day, but she promised to text Delphine. She was mildly aware of her attachment growing for Cosima, and fully aware of the lack of care she had for addressing it.


	12. Bon débarras

**12\. Bon débarras**

Delphine indeed received a text the next day, and every day that followed. Any time that Shay had to work for the evening, Cosima would come over and they would enjoy either a movie or a flow of the Hallmark channel. Delphine wasn't aware Shay even had a job. She would only ever heard of the most recent rendezvous she'd participated in.

Cosima never ended up telling Shay that Delphine was the girl she had been hanging out with. Not necessarily on purpose, but she didn't make an effort to explain. Shay was under the impression that she and Cosima had just hit it off when Shay introduced them. Delphine wasn't sure if she should read any further into Shay's comfort with Cosima and herself spending time together compared to her discomfort with Cosima spending time with some other straight girl. A stranger is automatically a "whore" even though her sexuality reportedly doesn't align with Cosima's, but Delphine was just fine? Delphine knew she should feel good about that dynamic, but she didn't, and she didn't know why.

_It means Shay trusts me, doesn't it? Or could it mean that Shay trusts that Cosima wouldn't be tempted by me? Does she think I am a prude? Who is she to decide who is appropriate for Cosima to befriend?_ _Cosima seems to like me well enough, and I know I'm not unattractive. Why wouldn't she be tempted by me?_ …_Don't think that_. How would Shay even know if Delphine was heterosexual or not? What if she wasn't? _Does Shay think that I don't have the sexual capacity to pursue someone? Shay's a bitch anyway, who cares._

"Ahem," Delphine's attention was brought back to the lab room where she was attempting to study for spring finals. She looked over to the source of her attention, Scott. "Who's a bitch?"

"Quoi-" Delphine panicked. Did she say all of that aloud?

"You've been mumbling for the last couple minutes then all of a sudden… '_a bitch anyway'_," Scott did his best impersonation of what he heard from Delphine. "I thought you were just super into whatever is on your laptop, studying, being a bigger nerd than me…but then you spout that off". Scott had a look between entertainment, concern, and guilt for being slightly more entertained than concerned.

Delphine chuckled self-deprecatingly, "Ah, well, it was you who I was talking about".

"Kwuh?" Scott attempted.

"_Quoi_. You are the bitchiest bitch I know, Scott".

Scott took the statement in for a moment, a pondering expression, then finally, "Fair enough". As the clock neared the end of the hour, signaling the end of open lab, Delphine and Scott started to pack their things and clear their areas. Delphine was sliding her laptop into her bag when Scott asked, "So, where's your girlfriend?"

Delphine almost choked on the air that seemed to have just been knocked out of her chest with the force of Scott's simple inquiry. "My…m–"

"Cosima," Scott didn't turn around, but Delphine could sense the smile on his face.

"Oh, ehm, she…Cosima…she's not my girlfriend," Delphine stuttered. The last words of her sentence brought a dull heat to the back of her neck.

"I know Delphine," Scott turned to swing his backpack over his shoulder, rolling his eyes playfully. "She's just usually here on days Shay is out for the evening".

"How do you know Shay is out? Does she normally work today?"

"Oh, well I figured you already knew," Scott casually explained. "I mean, I know you and Shay aren't really close friends, but you're closer than I am with her and she told me she was out this evening".

Delphine thought it over for a moment before replying, "I actually haven't seen Shay in more than passing since Cosima arrived. She always seems busy, which is fine because then I get to see Cosima". Delphine regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She was thinking out loud and didn't realize until too late that Scott was in the room, listening.

"And that, my dear lab buddy, is why I said girlfriend"

"Who has a girlfriend?" A chipper voice rang through the room, making both Delphine and Scott jump.

"No one!" Delphine responded automatically as Shay walked further into the lab, Cosima trailing behind her, being pulled by her hand. It was an unnerving sight. "Scott, actually!" Delphine decided to deflect the attention she brought to herself, "Scott was just telling me about his new girlfriend".

Scott looked a tad confused, understandably, but after Delphine gave him a subtle look that said 'just go with it' he just went with it, "Uh, yeah. She's…cool". Delphine internally rolled her eyes, but she couldn't really blame him for his lack of improvisation skills.

"Well well Scotty. Finally moving on from Delphine, huh?" Delphine knew it was meant as a tease, but the way Shay said it made it sound more malicious than playful.

"Shay, c'mon," Delphine tilted her head, lightly disapproving. Shay then turned to her, a smile growing on her lips.

"What about you Del? How are you and your boyfriend doing?" Shay wore a face of sincerity and interest, but her words were full of venom. Was she mad at Delphine for some reason? "What was his name again?"

"Oh," Delphine was about to deny that she had a boyfriend at all, but promptly remembered that she had told Scott about her 'boyfriend' to let him down, weeks ago before Spring break. With a quick glance at Cosima, who had been uncharacteristically silent this entire time, looking fatigued, she replied, "Jean-Pierre Devereux". She said it with more confidence than she would've expected. Jean-Pierre was her first boyfriend, so she always remembered his name. The few boyfriends that followed over the years, she would have to try very hard to remember.

"Oh, French?"

"Oui, uh, yes," Delphine wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible. She dared a glance at Cosima but was met with an expressionless face looking down at the floor. She would explain it all to Cosima later – _she is probably just disappointed because she thinks I was lying to her this whole time. That's all_.

"Okay, well," Scott caught everyone's attention, "I'm going to head home now… to hang out with my girlfriend, so uh, you ladies have…fun?" He said as he walked past everyone and out the door.

A few seconds passed with none of the women moving until Shay finally spoke up, "I guess we can get right to it then, can't we?" She turned toward Cosima, who, Delphine was now noticing, looked more tired than she first thought. Maybe high. "How about we start with–"

"Shay, don't," Cosima finally made a noise, although it was quiet and raspy, "I told you she doesn't even know". Delphine could tell that Cosima was trying to keep the words just between herself and Shay, so she turned and finished collecting her things awkwardly.

"You said that she _probably_ doesn't even know," Shay emphasized with no regard to Cosima's preferred volume level. "It's different, dear. I just don't know that I can believe such a shit story. Not everyone is gullible, Cos". Delphine could feel the anger building up inside of her. The way Shay talked to Cosima was like she was talking to a child rather than someone who was nearly a doctor.

"Shay, seriously," Cosima tried once more, but Shay didn't seem to care.

"So, Del," Shay addressed loud enough to be undoubtedly heard across the lab. She waited until Delphine was completely turned around, facing her, before she continued. "What makes you think you can just go making out with other people's girlfriends?"

Delphine was stunned. She thought maybe Shay would be mad about how much time she was spending with Cosima, but this accusation, she had no idea where it came from. "What?"

"I get the appeal, obviously – Cosima is hot – but, what? Do you think that you're the straight girl, so you can pass it off like it's some college experimenting?" This whole time, Cosima was weakly attempting to pull Shay back toward the door and hush her, but to no avail.

"What are you talking about, Shay?" Delphine asked assertively. She didn't like being yelled at and accused of something she didn't do. What was Shay accusing her of anyway? Making out with people's girlfriends? Her girlfriend? Cosima? She never kissed Cosima. Maybe Shay saw them at the club weeks ago – but she was the one who didn't show up to see her and Cosima…_damnit_. Delphine meant to think the event over to try and understand why her drunk self would act in such a way – why she still wasn't irked by her behavior – why she still felt the same as she did in that moment. She thought the event over many times actually. Just in a less analytic way and in a more….what? A more replaying-the-memory-over-a-million-times-during-the-day-during-the-evening-during-the-night-in-her-dreams kind of way?

"I'm talking about–"

"Shay stop–"

"Shut up for once Cosima!"

"What the Hell, Shay?" Delphine yelled over the both of them, "Why are you being like this? Cosima is your partner and you're treating her like a kid".

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were such an expert on relationships, Delphine!" She turned to Cosima, "Yeah, fine, do whatever you want Cosima, don't think about anybody else. The world _does_ revolve around you, y'know. I'm leaving". Shay spat and shoving a cellphone in Cosima's chest before stomping out to the hall.

"Bon débarras," Delphine mumbled to herself, covering her face with her hands in exasperation.

"What's that mean?" Cosima said in a low voice, slowly walking in Delphine's direction.

"You'll just have to learn French," Delphine's exhausted face cracked the smallest of smiles. She lowered her hands from her face to see Cosima about a foot in front of her. Delphine examined the woman for a second before asking, "Are you high?"

Cosima chuckled sadly, "I wouldn't really call it _high_ anymore, but I am under the influence of a certain plant". The tired smile wore off within seconds and Delphine found Cosima's eyes once again looking to the ground. "We probably wouldn't be in this situation if I weren't".

"Yeah, euh," Delphine was still a little dumbfounded, "What exactly just happened?"

"It's kind of a long story. Do you want to get some dinner?" Cosima asked with an insecure tone, for some reason.

Delphine agreed and finished gathering her belongings. She worried slightly about what Shay might do, but aggressively ignored the sentiment.

"Just a house salad and…water is fine, thank you".

"Yeah, me too," Cosima answered, handing the menus back to the waitress. She was avoiding eye-contact and spinning the rings on her fingers anxiously.

"Cosima," Delphine prompted, seizing her attention, her hand firmly covering Cosima's.

Cosima finally looked to Delphine. "Right. So, as you may be able to tell, I had a joint or two earlier," she started. "Been super stressed lately".

"Yes, I caught on," Delphine tried to lighten the mood, but it didn't seem to take effect.

"Well, Shay was putting her makeup on or something before she went to work, and she was randomly talking about how cute you and Scott would be together". Delphine cringed slightly at the thought that Shay gossiped about her. "I said something like he didn't seem like he'd be a good kisser cause he's awkward and skittish – in the most endearing of ways.

"Anyway, Shay agreed. And, keep in mind, I was like half asleep at that time and at the peak of my high. So, then Shay said she thought you might be a bad kisser because sometimes you're kind of stand-offish and tense, like you'd probably just be stiff".

Delphine's expression was growing more uncomfortable as she listened to Cosima explain. Their waters were brought to the table and Cosima downed half of it right away. She should at least be grateful that Cosima was sharing this with her honestly, but she could only really focus on Shay's judgements. "Okay…"

"And my high-self, basically asleep on the couch said something really stupid and Shay got mad and dragged me to campus".

"I think you skipped over a little section of your story," Delphine said playfully, but in a way that let Cosima know she wasn't planning on letting it go.

"Ah, yeah, so um," Cosima stuttered for a second, looking around the dim diner they chose. "I didn't really think about what I was saying, it just kind of came out, you know? Not at all on purpose or–".

"Cosima"

"Sorry…um, I said that you were actually a pretty good kisser considering the not-so-ideal state you were in when…we kissed," after that, Cosima's eyes were pinned to the table, folding and refolding the napkin in front of her.

Did she mean when they were so close at the bar after dancing? Did Delphine actually kiss her and just not remember it? "Were…" Delphine didn't even know what to ask.

"And I was telling the truth," Cosima glanced up at Delphine quickly, guilt and some form of fear in her eyes. "How mad are you?"

Was she supposed to be mad? "I, ehm, I don't think I am. I'm just confused…"

"Oh right – backstory," Cosima almost shouted in realization. "So, remember the night I stayed over at your place when we slept in your bed? I think it was the third night I was there…"

"I do remember that," Delphine loved the memory, but it made her sad to think about since they weren't still cuddling in bed. In a friendly way.

"Okay, well, in the middle of the night you were making odd noises. I wasn't sure if it was a normal thing for you, it was mostly just mumbling. So, I tried to wake you up, I think I just shook your shoulder or something. You did wake up, but I think it was the kind of waking up where your eyes are open but you're still in dreamland, y'know?" Delphine nodded. She in fact did not remember waking up at all that night. "Well, you said my name when you opened your eyes and I was about to ask if you were alright, but then you kind of pulled me down and…you know…"

No, she did not know. Delphine's expression must have said as much.

"You, uh, kissed me a little bit".

Delphine's jaw dropped at the new information. She thought back to that night. She remembered having a dream about her and Cosima being…intimately involved…and the dream did start out with her kissing Cosima… "Oh…merde". _How much of that was actually a dream then? Was that why Cosima was acting strange in the morning_? "I thought that was just a part of an odd dream I had that night," Delphine flipped her hair to the other side, biting her lip with concern. "Did it…go any further?"

"We went on to make sweet, passionate love," Cosima responded with all seriousness, thanking the poor waitress who decided to deliver their food at an unfortunate point in their conversation. The waitress set the bill on the table while Delphine stared at her water, and left them, still a little wide-eyed.

"Was any of it a dream?" she asked herself more than anyone else. "What was I thinking?".

"Firstly," Cosima interrupted her very vocal thoughts, "You were a bit drunk that night". Delphine groaned and covered her face. She wasn't very familiar with her intoxicated behavior, so all of this was becoming more and more plausible. "Secondly," Cosima continued, "I was kidding about that last part which is starting to make me pretty curious about this dream". She winked as Delphine's eyes widen.

Suddenly she felt very stupid. How could she have not picked up on that? _Stupide_! How could she play this off? "Ah, well I've never been great with sarcasm," she lied, pushing her skimpy salad leaves around with her fork. _That was weak, Delphine, even for you._

"That was weak," Cosima smirked, seeming to enjoy the discomfort she was bringing the Frenchwoman.

"Wait," Delphine nearly shouted, "Did you tell Shay that you stayed with me before you contacted her?" She used this as a distraction but was genuinely curious.

"Oh, no I was quickly brought back to awareness once she started going nuts. I told her it happened like a week ago and that you were raging drunk, so you probably didn't even remember it, which wasn't entirely a lie…"

Delphine's fingertips went to her lips unconsciously.


	13. Bummer

**13\. Bummer**

Finals were right around the corner and all the studying Delphine had done didn't seem to be sticking. She'd been distracted lately. It didn't make sense considering she was spending less time with Cosima. It was like she couldn't concentrate without the little woman relaxing beside her or rummaging through her fridge or watching Hallmark movies – just there.

Shay got over the "drunken" kiss eventually. She was still upset about it, but there wasn't much she could do. Delphine had the tendency to be stone-faced when someone was mad at her. Shay couldn't really make a comment that seemed to get to Delphine. It only seemed to be distracting Shay from her own schoolwork.

So, she took it out on Delphine by stealing Cosima away. Not that Cosima was hers to steal from, but Shay knew how much Delphine enjoyed Cosima's company and knew there was no way Delphine could argue.

Delphine dropped her textbook on the floor next to the couch where she was sitting and let the rest of her body drape over the cushions. Closing her eyes, the same person who had been taking up the large majority of her thoughts appeared, once again. It was somewhat routine now, whenever her eyes shut, Delphine had a clear vision of the dreadlocks, silver nose ring, thick-rimmed glasses and clever smile that accompanied her friend.

Sometimes she would push away the thoughts of Cosima, when she was feeling especially responsible, but most of the time she would let her mind take its own course and only stop it when she knew it was going to far. At first, she really only replayed memories they had made – ridiculous tickling that made her feel like a teenager, Cosima's brilliant mind and their wonderous discussions, watching a movie with Cosima, cuddled on the couch with Cosima, cooking with Cosima, and sometimes studying with Cosima.

However, after some time of these memories being played out, she was starting to feel them wear. So, she resorted to memories that would often spiral into other visions of herself and Cosima that didn't necessarily happen – feeling the skin of Cosima's neck on her lips after covering her with flour, cuddling in bed the morning after she apparently kissed Cosima, drying Cosima's rain-soaked clothes the first night they met and blushing at the lacey bra and underwear, Cosima complimenting her body after presumably watching her dress for a moment. The night they danced at the bar. She spent a lot of time on that memory, but it only seemed to bring her to the conclusion that she must have misinterpreted the event or made it all up. Maybe she came to that conclusion because of all the different endings she _was_ making up for it. All of them ended with something a little less than platonic.

Today was one of those days when her daydreaming got out of hand. She was thinking of when, perhaps a month ago, she was in this exact position on the couch, only with Cosima straddling her waist, attacking her sides and leaving Delphine out of breath. As far as she could tell, the memory was innocent enough, but her mind had started to forge an ending to the memory in which Cosima ceases her attack and instead leans down close to Delphine's face, Delphine's hands grasping onto her waist tightly, pulling her closer, eliminating all space left between their bodies – which, at some point become minimally dressed – and Cosima is wearing her lacey undergarments and Delphine…

"Ugh!" She complains loudly in her otherwise silent apartment. _This is unhealthy! It's just wrong to objectify a friend like this! Friend…. Hm… I must be some kind of pervert, Jesus, what's wrong with me?_ Delphine admonished herself, as she'd done plenty occasions before this. But this was why she couldn't concentrate on studying. It was because when the source of these feelings and memories weren't present, she had to fabricate it. If only Cosima could come over so she could study properly, but she knew that would be selfish of her. She could text Cosima, at least, see what she's up to. _I shouldn't though_. She could see if Cosima would want to go get something to eat, her treat. _Shay might think that's too much, though. Shay, her girlfriend… The battle is unwinnable!_

Or so she thought.

Not thirty seconds later, her phone starts to ring from somewhere in her bag. She digs for it and the second she sees the word **Cosima** she answered with a too-quick-too-enthusiastic _hello!_

"Hey, what's up, baguette?"

"I was just thinking about you, actually!" _I shouldn't have said that. I miss you, Cosima._

"Oh really?" She could hear the smile on her voice through the phone.

"Well, I was just…I remembered something, and you were there at the time, and it was…yeah and so I was thinking about that and then you called…" It wasn't her best explanation, but she didn't have the focus for any amount of quality.

"What were you rem–"

"–Uh, why did you call, anyway?" Delphine cut her off quickly. She knew she wouldn't be able to conjure up something half-decent quick enough…that was appropriate, at least. It shouldn't be that hard when Cosima is only a _friend_.

"I, uh, was just wondering what you were doing I guess…" Cosima sounded awkward, as though she was put on the spot, when it was her who called.

"Nothing, really," Delphine laid back down on the couch, relieved Cosima wasn't pursuing it. "I'm trying to study, I have my first final next Monday, but I can't concentrate".

"Oh man, that sucks. Is there anything I can do?" Cosima sounded sincere – something Delphine liked very much about her. She cared and wasn't afraid to show it.

_Yes, come over and cuddle with me and eat all my food and fall asleep on my lap and…_ "No, I don't think so. I may just need a break from it".

"Yeah! I'm your girl, I'm the best at breaks," Cosima yelled into the phone. Delphine couldn't help but smile like a fool. It could have been from Cosima's enthusiasm, but something struck her when she heard _I'm your girl_. "I'm coming over". She hung up before Delphine could say anything. It didn't matter, she would have said yes anyway. Cosima knew that. She couldn't think of a time when she really denied Cosima anything.

Delphine looked around her apartment to make sure everything was presentable, which it was. It was nearing 7:30 p.m. and Delphine still hadn't changed into her comfortable clothes, and she usually does that the second she gets home. She was distracted today, though. She was dressed nicely, dark wash jeans, a sleeveless, white blouse, and a simple golden necklace, for a presentation that made up ten percent of her grade. She was self-conscious now, though. Cosima was well aware of her evening routine and if she came over to see Delphine dressed nicely, she may get the wrong idea. _Oh well_.

Half an hour went by before a rapid, incessant knock rattled Delphine's apartment door. She practically ran to answer it.

"Delphine!" Before she could respond, a pair of arms were wrapped tightly around her waist. It wasn't until then that Delphine recognized Cosima's scent, some mix between herbs and caramel. She knew then that simply remembering events involving Cosima was not enough, not when there was so much more to her. Her scent, the way her voice echoed in Delphine's apartment, the warmth of her body when they embraced, it was more than just a poorly reconstructed memory.

Delphine eventually wrapped her arms over Cosima's shoulders and felt herself breathe easier. Having Cosima there with her gave Delphine's deviant thoughts a little less drive, which she wasn't expecting, but wasn't complaining either.

"Is it socially acceptable that I've missed you, like, a lot, even though we've only been friends for a tiny amount of time?" Cosima asked shyly, stepping out of their position.

"I'm in immunology, not psychology," Delphine backed up to let Cosima in, then closed the door behind her. _But I've missed you, too. So much, you wouldn't believe it. I don't believe it!_ "Would you like anything to eat or drink?"

"Yeah, the only reason I came over is because I was craving carrots and alcohol," Cosima crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. _She's so cute._

"There's alcohol," Delphine bantered back, "But no carrots today, unfortunately. Do you want a glass of wine?" Cosima followed her into the kitchen.

"I mean, if you're pouring a glass for yourself, I wouldn't mind one. Dude!" Cosima rushed to the counter by the sink and grabbed the red box sitting on it. "You got popcorn?!"

Delphine smiled, an hour ago she wasn't even sure she'd ever get to share it with Cosima. "Your constant nagging about my food choices got through I suppose". She wasn't even finished with her sentence before Cosima had started the microwave.

"How long of a break are you willing to take?" Cosima ignored her comment and pulled herself up onto the counter. Delphine thought it looked like a very inviting position, but she resisted the urge to go slot herself between Cosima's knees.

"I suppose I could take the rest of the night off…" she held up two bottles of wine for Cosima to choose from.

"Left one," _pop_, "So, what do you wanna do? Watch a movie? Play cards? Talk about our childhoods, drink the rest of your wine, sit in silence?"

"Popcorn and wine, I think goes best with a movie. What would you like to watch?" Cosima bounced into the living room and turned the television on.

"Well, well, well, what's this?" Delphine stretched to see the screen that Cosima was motioning towards. She couldn't tell at first, but then she saw the little emblem in the corner of the screen. "I didn't know you were a Hallmark fan…"

"Maybe I just haven't turned the t.v. on since you were here last," Delphine defended. She missed their banter.

Two glasses of wine and a Hallmark movie later, Delphine and Cosima were in their regular position on the couch – the one that Delphine had been longing for. Cosima was nearly sleeping through their conversation about their upcoming fall classes, and her random phone call today was bothering Delphine more as the evening passed.

"Cosima," Delphine asked, hearing a hum in return, "Why did you come here?"

At that, Cosima turned her head to look at Delphine. "To get drunk and watch t.v."

A small giggle made it past Delphine's lips as she rolled her eyes. "Yes, but why did you call? I thought you weren't really allowed to…I don't know," Delphine stuttered awkwardly.

"Yeah, Shay never really outright said I couldn't hang out with you, but it was heavily implied. I think my presence was bugging her since she's trying to study so she told me to go hang out with somebody. I told her that I didn't have any friends to hang out with and she was like _what about Delphine_? So, I called you and now I'm here".

"Well, it should make summer lab a little more tolerable if she's okay with me again," Delphine commented, mostly to herself.

"I have a feeling she thought that, too".

Cosima was still wary about staying the night so she finally left for home around midnight. Delphine felt like she just exhaled after holding her breath for weeks.

Since her visit, Cosima was able to come over again, though not as often as before, and even helped Delphine study. It seemed like she already knew the material that Delphine was studying, even though she was a year ahead of Cosima. They were starting to become more physically comfortable with each other again which brought some conflicting feelings for Delphine. She felt calm and happy and anxious in the moments they were so close, but afterwards she would feel guilty and even irritated. Still, in the moment, there was nothing else she wanted more than to be near Cosima. She never remembered a time she was so wrapped around someone while studying…and otherwise.

Finals came and went, and Delphine passed with higher marks than she usually did, nearing a 4.0 GPA. Since her improvement was almost solely due to Cosima's presence, she agreed to join an end-of-semester celebration. If it was just Cosima, she would have agreed either way, but Shay was the one hosting it, so she was a little more hesitant. Shay invited her though, which was even stranger.

Delphine felt odd being in Shay's apartment for the first time, especially after everything that had happened. There were a few people from their department, like Scott, but Delphine didn't recognize most of the party-goers. She forgot sometimes how popular Shay was. It wasn't a common trait in their department. Delphine would probably have more friends if she wasn't so quiet. Scott had a more active social life than she did.

It really shouldn't, but the pictures Shay had up in her apartment – cute couple photos – made Delphine uncomfortable. She felt like a third wheel in a room of twenty people. Shay was calmer now, but she still had that awful side to her that she let loose on Cosima. She didn't deserve Cosima in the least.

"Hey Del," she heard Shay approach her from the side. She interrupted Delphine before she could respond, "Glad you could make it before summer crap starts. I guess it'll be just you and me in a couple weeks." Delphine nodded politely, conflicted about how nice Shay was being and how nice she wanted to be in return. "I know there was some shit for a while, but I hope we can get along for the next few months. At least for two days of the week".

"I think that's doable," Delphine still wanted to survive the summer, and the best way was to remain securely on Shay's good side. She didn't seem like the type of person who could be reasoned with. Delphine didn't want to reason with her anyway. Their short conversation was already irritating her.

Shay hummed and nodded with a cheap smile. "Any plans before summer starts?"

"Ah, no. It's only two weeks, so there's not much for me to do". She'd say more but she didn't want to open up the conversation any deeper than what it already was. Her parents wanted her to come visit, but she wasn't in the mood lately.

"Bummer," Shay took a sip of her drink, and the little malicious light in her eye twinkled. "I'm going to surprise Cosima with a trip to the beach. My dad owns a little hotel chain, so I'll be booking us a romantic vacation. Just the two of us".

Delphine felt like the comment was directed at her rather than simply casual or informational. As Cosima's friend, it would be normal to feel upset that she was going on a vacation with a lunatic girlfriend. It would be normal to feel frustrated with Cosima for continuing such a worthless relationship. It would be normal for Delphine to be concerned and worried and angry, and she had thought about these normal feelings for so long, especially in the times that she was alone. She thought about how this uncomfortable energy inside of her didn't have the same tint of anxiety it should have if she were just worrying about her friend. She was worried, but the energy obstructing her otherwise stable mood was not a normal friend with normal concern. After too much time spent thinking about was bubbling beneath the surface, Delphine came to her undeniable conclusion.

She was jealous.


	14. Cette Chienne

**14\. Cette Chienne **

**Cosima**: _hey. Shay is taking me somewhere…i think for the day… and told me to leave my cell at home…ill text you when we get back…just didn't want you to get worried… :p ttyl_

Delphine read Cosima's text for the hundredth time. She got the text on Monday and it was already Thursday morning. Of course, she knew that Shay was taking her to the beach, so she wasn't worried that Cosima was kidnapped, but the fact that she had to leave her phone at home was too much. What if Cosima's family needed to get ahold of her or something?

Delphine knew that it was really just herself who wanted to get ahold of her. Cosima didn't seem very close to her family anyway. _It isn't wrong for a friend to be protective. It would be wrong to not be a protective friend, right?_

There's that word again, _friend_. She was Cosima's friend, that's how Cosima thought of her. Whether Delphine felt differently about her or not didn't matter. She had a girlfriend anyway. The problem was that Delphine only knew that she felt differently. She didn't necessarily know what she felt. It was all still irrelevant anyway. So what if she felt more than friendship between herself and Cosima? She wasn't about to pursue someone already in a relationship. And even if she wasn't in a relationship, Delphine wouldn't know how to proceed anyway. How would she vocalize feelings she didn't know the words for?

She should have gone to see her parents. The semester was over and there was nothing to study for. No distractions. She went to the French bakery a few times during the few days without Cosima around – the one she wanted to take Cosima to. Her apartment had been cleaned three times over. All she had to do was worry about everything.

She worried about working with Shay over the summer and worried about her treatment toward Cosima. She worried about Cosima and how she took Shay's treatment so easily. She worried about the feelings she was experiencing without her consent, worried about what the feelings meant, worried that they might affect her friendship with Cosima. Did she only see Cosima's relationship with Shay as something bad because of her feelings toward Cosima? No, Shay was a terrible partner.

What if her feelings weren't real? What if the feelings were just friendly protectiveness, like she first thought, but somehow, she misinterpreted them as something else? What if her feelings were one hundred percent real and she had to go the rest of her life without acting on them? How would she act on them?

There was too much to worry about.

She curled up in bed Thursday evening and scrolled through her texts with Cosima, like she had been doing almost every night. She was past thinking about whether it was unhealthy or not.

**Cosima**: _hey sweets… what you doing? :P_

**Cosima**: _delphiiiiiiiine let's go out to eat! I'll get a cheeseburger and you can get a baguette salad.._

**Cosima**: _dude I love you 3_

**Cosima**: _will you teach me French? Sill vuex plat?_

**DC**: _S'il vous plait, my darling. S'il te plait for you._

**Cosima**: _hey gorgeous..what are you doing tonight? ;)_

**Cosima**: _oh my god yes, marry me now :D _

**Cosima**: _hey frenchy…question…do you put butter on a baguette? :o_

**Cosima**: _can I come over?_

**Cosima**: _im coming over ;)_

**Cosima**: _hey do you have hallmark channel? 333 ;)_

**Cosima**: _heyo sexy…movie?_

**Cosima**: _what's up sweetness. Lets go do something_

**Cosima**: _how busy are you right now ..can your favorite person come over and bug you? :D:D:D:D_

**Cosima**: _I have a deal…you teach me French, and ill let you give me all your wine_

**Cosima**: _hey, lets make out…fits for the spring parade!_

**Cosima**: _for Halloween ill let you be the front half of the horse :P ;)_

**Cosima**: _I_ _mean if you really waaant to go clubbing all night long, I suppose I could join you….;)_

She fell asleep with her phone still in her hand, same as the last four nights. She knew she was just using it as a mechanism to attempt inducing dreams about Cosima. She didn't have the emotional energy to deny these things anymore. It was pointless in the end. Whether it was unhealthy or not, she was going to do it.

Friday morning, Delphine was woken up by a steady consistent beeping of her phone. She peaked at her screen through sleepy squinted eyes.

**(18) Text Message(s)**

She quickly unlocked her phone to find all eighteen messages from Cosima, all the same message:

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

**Cosima**: _Delphine_

Delphine typed her response while two more "_Delphine_" texts arrived.

**DC**: _Cosima_

**Cosima**: _Delphine! I'm back…I'm so sorry I thought I would just be gone for the day but it was the whole week. You weren't answering so I thought you were so sad about my absence you just went back to France without me!_

Delphine checked the time on Cosima's first message.

**DC**: _You sent the first text 4 minutes ago. I think you may have overreacted too soon._

**Cosima**: _you usually respond within the minute…you were taking like 8 times longer to answer. What was I supposed to do…wait?_

**DC**: _:P I would never leave for France without you._

**Cosima**: _youre so sweet. I come over now?_

**DC**: _Sure, I'm not doing anything today._

A familiar incessant knock sounded from the front door and Delphine smiled.

"Were you waiting outside my door the entire time?" Delphine opened the door to her apartment and let a chipper Cosima bounce inside.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Delphine felt a pair of chilled arms wrap around her from behind. "Did you miss me?"

"Yes," Delphine didn't mean to sound so serious, but she heard the sadness in her own voice as she spoke. She felt the energy from Cosima drain a little as her head rested on Delphine's shoulder. "Did you have a good time? You seem to be in a good mood".

"Bleh, not really. I'm in a good mood because it's finally over. She took me to the beach, and it was all romantic and everything, but I'm not really into that stuff".

"You prefer to limit your romance to Hallmark?" she can feel Cosima's head tuck down behind her back, a blush probably forming.

"They know how to do it right. What can I say?" she lifts her head again and unlatches from Delphine's back. They walk to the couch together with a routine they hadn't realized they developed. "So, what did you do while I was gone? I mean besides cry over missing me so much?" she teased.

"That was pretty much it," she said in a way that didn't sound very much like joking. She felt sad now for some reason. Cosima was back, she should feel overjoyed. She wasn't though.

"Hey," Cosima's hand rested on her wrist. "Is everything okay?"

_Yes? Everything's fine, I think? I'm just depressed because all you can do is hold my arm. I want you to hold my hand like you used to. I want you to hug me from behind when we're out in public, too, not just inside my apartment. And I want to say how much I missed you without sounding like a clingy, crazy, friend. I don't want to have you as a friend. I don't want the limits it requires. I just want you to _– "Yeah, yeah, everything's fine. Why do you ask?"

"You just seem down. Is there anything I can do?"

_Yes, hold my hand, hug me all over the city, tell me how much you missed me and let me tell you how much I missed you, don't be my friend, just be mine._ "No, everything's fine. Do you want something to eat or drink?" Delphine brushes the feeling off and stands up to go to the kitchen.

"Hey," Cosima grabs her hand as she's walking past her, "You can tell me if something's wrong, you know? I don't judge and I want to be there for you, no matter what. You can talk to me, even if I can't do anything to help, sometimes it helps just to talk about it…"

Delphine stared at their hands for a moment, both relishing in the feeling of their intertwining fingers and chastising herself for loving it so much. All she wanted to do was tell Cosima how she felt. Not so Cosima would know, but just so she could tell somebody that would be able to give her advice. She wanted the thought out of her head because it felt like the longer that she kept it locked up, the more likely it would be to rot her mind.

She sighed and, as rapidly as possible, she shared her feelings. "J't'aime d'une manière que je ne devrais pas, et ça me tue de te voir avec cette chienne," she smiled self-deprecatingly as she remembered that, despite Cosima denying knowing French so many times, she obviously had some amount of fluency. She didn't regret what she said, though, which concerned her further.

"I think I heard dog?" Cosima looked sad now, too. Delphine felt bad for bringing down her mood so much. She tried to smile, but she was never really good at fake smiles.

"Let's eat something," she pulled Cosima up and they looked through the kitchen.

Throughout the next week, Delphine avoided Cosima. She felt awful about it, but she would feel worse having to be with her in a way that made her hurt. It wasn't just being with her as a friend that hurt, it was being with her as a friend while she chose to date someone not even close to being worthy of her. Delphine didn't think that she was a better person than Shay, but she would be a better partner. All this time she had been telling herself that she would be a better friend, and although it was true, that wasn't it.

The realization came on too suddenly for her to process. She'd never had feelings for a woman before, she wasn't sure what to do with them. When she had feelings for a man, she didn't need to do anything besides wait for him to ask her out. She felt a little privileged now for having that role. She never had to worry about the approach, she just had to decide whether to accept or not.

Now she had to try to understand a dynamic that had neither of those roles, and no script that she was familiar with. She'd liked men with girlfriends before, but it was simple enough to just leave them alone. She'd even known a man who had a girlfriend worse than Shay – Aden. But it didn't matter because he was a man, he could deal with it, right? Why should she feel any differently about Cosima? Or perhaps why shouldn't she feel the same protectiveness over Aden? Why wasn't there a simple answer?

Perhaps if hers and Cosima's personalities were of a more stereotypical dynamic, it would be easier. But neither of them were especially masculine, and neither were strictly feminine. Cosima and Shay didn't even have those roles. Shay was more feminine with her style and tone, but she was masculine in her aggressiveness and assertiveness. Cosima never really dressed _girly_, but her gentle, caring demeaner was one of her biggest personality traits.

There was no right answer, there was no set path, and there was no reason to be thinking like that anyways because it just simply didn't matter. Cosima thought of Delphine only as a friend, she specified that within the first few days of them knowing each other. And so what if they touch each other all the time, so what if they almost kissed, so what if the tension in their relationship was tangible – it was only there for Delphine. These feelings weren't mutual, there was nothing to act on, Delphine was alone in this mindset. She was alone in these feelings, she was alone in her impulses, and she was alone in her life.

"Delphine are you okay?" she looked up from her notebook to see Cosima standing at the entrance of the lab. She couldn't think of anything to say. "Why are you crying?"

Delphine was confused for a moment before she noticed the slight burning on her cheeks and the wetness on her notebook. "Oh," was all she could conjure. Cosima made her way over to the desk and grabbed some tissues from the counter. She took a few and thanked Cosima.

"Dude, what's wrong?" Cosima rounded the desk and pulled Delphine into her arms. It felt too perfect to reject, so Delphine wrapped her arms around her waist in return.

"I miss you, Cosima," she whispered through her strained efforts at ceasing her crying.

"I miss you, too. Why haven't you been answering my calls or anything? Did I do something wrong?" Delphine felt so secure in Cosima's tight embrace. She shook her head and squeezed tighter. Cosima didn't say anything for a moment, she just let Delphine calm down in her arms.

Eventually, Delphine pulled out of their hug and sat down at the desk. "I've been thinking too much lately, and it just makes me feel shitty. I don't think about things that will help me feel better, and most of the time they just make me feel exponentially worse," she looked to the ground, afraid tears might start again.

"Well, if those things aren't necessary to think about, I would highly recommend you avoid thinking about them," Cosima wiped some of the moisture off Delphine's cheek and chin and smiled warmly. _What would she say if she knew what I was thinking about and that she's the source of the thoughts I hate having? Would she still tell me to avoid them? I'm avoiding her already._

"What are you doing here? I thought your lab days were Monday and Thursday?" Delphine tried changing the topic for both their sakes.

"Yeah, I had my first day yesterday, thanks for asking," Cosima kidded, but Delphine still felt the guilt build up from being a neglectful friend lately. "I'm just here to pick up Shay. You guys are partners, right?"

"Yes, we're partners but she didn't come in today. It's independent so there's no instructor supervision which usually means Shay comes and goes as she pleases".

"Aren't you guys supposed to be working on it together, though? That's what Scott and I are doing…" Cosima sounded concerned but she didn't really seem surprised.

"Yeah…" Delphine scoffed, already familiar with Shay's habitual lack of participation.

"There you are, babe!" They both turn to see Shay jogging into the lab. "Did you just get here?"

"Yeah, I was telling Delphine about mine and Scott's project" Cosima stretched the truth a bit.

"Oh cool, I didn't know you were working with Scott," Delphine noticed a slight eye roll from Cosima, giving her the feeling that Shay had already been told this. "Del and I have been working pretty hard today, right Del? I just went to the bathroom after I got my stuff together," Shay prompted Delphine to agree.

She wasn't quite sure what to do aside from awkwardly glance between Shay and Cosima. "Yeah, that's what she was telling me. Are you ready to go?" Cosima lied. Shay nodded and they headed for the door. Before they disappeared completely, Cosima turned and mouthed "text me" to Delphine.

She wondered why Cosima covered for her own girlfriend's lie. Did she do it to save Delphine from the duty to choose the truth or not? Either way, Delphine was half grateful, and half ashamed that she couldn't be more outspoken. Why was Cosima so comfortable in this deceitful routine?


	15. Cracking & Island Monarchies

**15\. Cracking & Island Monarchies**

Shay showed up on Friday for their first week and she would come in intermittently during the following weeks. Sometimes she would come in and out of lab several times in one day. She was never late again at the end of lab when Cosima came to pick her up, though. It apparently never occurred to her to even pretend in front of Delphine. She wondered if that was more of a reflection on Shay or herself.

There was a tiny sliver of a silver lining with all of Shay's mischief: Delphine had to work at the rate of two people most days in lab, so she required an amount of attention that wouldn't allow for any distractions. She would often spend extra time at home doing write-ups that she didn't need lap equipment for just to stay busy. Cosima was busy, too, with her own project. The only week day they both had free was Wednesday. Shay usually took Cosima out on the weekends. She used to invite Delphine, but she declined enough times to make Shay stop offering.

Almost every Wednesday, though, Cosima came over and they watched a movie. Delphine could handle one pre-planned day of being around Cosima. She worked herself up for it emotionally beforehand. She told herself how good of a friend Cosima was, how she should respect Cosima's wishes to just be friends. She shouldn't reach for her hand, she shouldn't stare at her lips, she shouldn't make their hug last longer than necessary, she shouldn't send winking faces through text, she shouldn't call Cosima anything but Cosima, she shouldn't do any of the things she wanted to do.

Wednesday night, though, and almost every other night of the week, Delphine could barely wait to crawl into bed and fall asleep. It seemed that, for every time she kept her hands in her lap, looked away from Cosima's lips, every time she did the right thing as a friend, her dreams would reward her. All of the things she wanted to do were brought to life in her dreams, along with more than she could imagine during the day.

Delphine found her usual emotional stability and reason cracking with every day she had to let go of Cosima ten seconds earlier than she wanted. The calm temperament she kept all her life felt like it was in a constant state of pre-rupture. And the worst of all these was the fact that she didn't care if it was wrong or not anymore. She would be an upstanding friend when Cosima was there, but when she was alone, it didn't seem to matter anymore. It was such a primal feeling that she couldn't even reason herself out of it like she could so many other impulses. She didn't hide or deny the borderline vulgar dreams she was having, she was happy to have them. It wasn't something to endure anymore, it was a respite from her reality of sitting three feet away from the dreadlocked girl instead of right at her side. All she could do was accept she was a bad person for thinking and dreaming these things and then continue thinking and dreaming these things. She felt like she was willingly lighting herself on fire and ignoring any extinguishing devices. Every night's dream was a new lit match, and the occasional morning when the feelings were too much, all she could do was pour gas on the fire while she thought of Cosima in the shower. It was all just an uncontrollable pressure on her body and mind, and the more she went on ignoring it, the more she felt. It was some kind of high pressure, high temperature deviance that she couldn't place as feeling bad or good, only a build up of strain on her well-being.

_Crack_

A shattering sound echoed in the lab and brought Delphine back to what she was doing. She had enough awareness to realize her petri dish had broken and that Shay was walking towards her, but all she could hear was a dull ringing in her ears and all she could feel was a numbness in her head and hands. She closed her eyes, prepared to just pass out and let someone else deal with the issue. She felt herself being pushed back onto a chair. Then she heard her name being called. It was frantic and didn't have the high pitch nasal tone Shay spoke with.

_Cosima?_

Delphine opened her eyes with much effort. She felt exhausted for some reason. On the other side of the desk, she saw Shay texting casually, and directly in front of her was the secretary from the main office with a first aid kit. _I opened my eyes for nothing._

"Hi, hon. Can you hear me, Delphine?" The secretary gave a little wave as she looked over Delphine's face. She nodded reluctantly, disgruntled about her company. "Good. It looks like you had a bit of an accident with your sample here so we're gonna getcha over to the hospital so they can fix y'up. Okay?"

Delphine nodded again. She glanced down at her hands, "I'm bleeding," she stated in an awkward slur. Her arm felt pressured and it was shaking more than her hands. She looked at the desk beside her where the pieces of glass were piled. She couldn't even remember what she was doing. _Which sample was that? _She closed her eyes again.

"Okay Delphine, Shay and I are going to the main office to meet the ambulance when they arrive. They'll be here in just a couple minutes".

"Shouldn't I come with you?" she started to get up, but the trembling of her arms wouldn't let her.

"No, dear. You stay seated, the EMTs will come to you. Cosima's going to stay with you," the lady and Shay left, leaving the room silent other than the continuous ringing in her ears.

"Cosima? When is Cosima coming?" Delphine thought out loud.

"She's here," Cosima's face popped out from behind her. She was smiling, but her face was pale with dread. Delphine looked beside her and noticed a pair of hands grasping her arm, trembling. They were holding a band meant to slow blood flow to her hands. She couldn't really tell where she was cut, the blood was thick covering her hands, most of it dried already. Delphine gathered enough thought to put together that the hands around her arm belonged to Cosima and the hands around her arm was the cause of the majority of her shaking. "What? Not happy to see me?" she joked.

"No, I'm not" Delphine pouted lazily. She felt dizzy and tired, and she was starting to make out a sense of stinging in her hands.

"Ouch, what'd I do?" Cosima asked, stepping in front of her to push some of the hair from her face.

"This's all your fault. If I hadn't been distracted by you, I wouldn't have been…distracted and broken the thing…"

"Alright, I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that you were distracted by me and then proceeded to crush a piece of glass in your hand…" she was kidding. Delphine could tell that much before her eyes closed again.

**Shay**_: Stay home Del. You need to heal, and you seem upset lately anyway. Take a break. I got lab today. Plus, I don't want you coming in here and smashing the rest of our samples :) take it easy. _

It was odd having Shay sound so kind. Even before she knew how much of a jerk Shay was to Cosima, the woman had never really been kind. Maybe she was asked to do it. The advisor for the projects probably asked her to text Delphine. Shay was competent in lab when she actually showed up, so Delphine wasn't too worried about that. She still wanted to check on her remaining samples, though. She'd do it at some point.

Her hands were sore, but it didn't sting or hurt that much anymore. It had been a few days since she cut them. She felt embarrassed, especially because she was just distracted by her own sexual frustrations and it ended in injury – a visit to the ER. She got ten stitches altogether. Four on one hand and six on the other. It wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't squeezing the life out of the glass.

Although she still felt disconnected – a combination of shock and drugs – she also felt a little calmer. It was something to focus on aside from Cosima. Apparently working overtime in lab wasn't enough to distract her. The Cosima daze was mostly broken, but only because she couldn't climb out of her new state of detachment. She felt like the world wasn't as solid as it used to be, though, as if she could put her hand on the wooden table, and it would sink down like a pillow. It was unnerving.

Shay told her to take the whole week off, but it was Wednesday morning and she felt restless and nervous about her project. They were over a month in, making it impossible to start over at this point. Their grade was determined by the success of their samples and Delphine had already destroyed one from her set. She would go in during their lab time tomorrow and write a few notes to take home.

Cosima was going to stop by for a checkup during the day. She wanted Cosima to stay for a movie like she usually did on Wednesdays, but Cosima thought it would be best for her to just rest. Delphine didn't agree with that opinion. Sleeping all day wasn't going to do anything to help. She would keep relatively busy whether Cosima was there or not.

Around noon, there was a knock at the door. "It's open," Delphine yelled from the bedroom, finishing up some laundry.

"You know you shouldn't keep that open. What if it was a murderer out there instead of me?" Cosima walked into the room and dropped onto the bed.

"I recognize your knock," Delphine smiled back at her.

"Dude what are you doing up, you should be resting," Cosima pulled Delphine by her wrist until she sat next to her.

"I'm not sick, Cosima, I'm just injured. I don't see the point of being sedentary".

"You could have accidentally hooked one of those hangers in your bandage and torn it off and bled all over and then I'd have to clean it all up and it would just be a pain for me," she seemed nervous despite her typical sarcasm.

"If I make a bloody mess, I will clean it up. How's that?" She looked at her bandaged hands for a moment.

"Delphine," she whined. "Just take it easy, woman. Relax, it'll make _me_ feel better. Here," Cosima turned and pushed back on Delphine's shoulders, forcing her to lay back onto her bed. She hovered over the woman for a moment, suspended in thought it seemed.

"What?" Delphine asked airily.

"You're so beautiful, but why do you look so sad?" Cosima seemed sad as well. Delphine knew it was probably mostly her own fault. She was the one making Cosima feel so bad lately.

"I'm fine," she inspected Cosima's face, every detail she could see. Her lips were glossier today than normal.

Cosima's eyes jumped between Delphine's eyes and lips. The excitement Delphine used to feel at close moments like this had been conditioned well enough to suppress itself until later. She only felt a heavy numbness looking at Cosima.

"I don't think _I_ am, Delphine. I'm not fine," Delphine attempted to speak but she stuttered on various sounds instead, lost on what to say. Delphine studied how Cosima's eyebrows knitted up and her breath quickened like she was scared.

Delphine gathered herself enough to ask what was wrong, but before she got her whole sentence out, Cosima's lips were occupying hers. She felt the tension in her neck and shoulders release and the stale air inside her lungs warm. She exhaled the grime building up over the months and inhaled Cosima's herb and caramel scent, enjoying the sweetness she tasted while she kissed her. She grasped behind Cosima's neck and pulled her down further until there was no space between them. Her hands stung through her bandages, but she hardly noticed.

"Delphine?" Cosima was suddenly hovering over her again. She waited for an answer.

"What?" Delphine bit her lip to keep from crying at the disappearance of treasured body sensations.

"I asked why you look sad, but then you just kinda zoned out," she sighed. "I don't know that you would tell me anyways…" Cosima sat back and faced toward the closet instead of Delphine.

"Cosima…" Delphine tried to explain but knew she couldn't.

"I know we really haven't been friends for that long, but I want you to trust me, Delphine. I feel so useless. I don't have to know what's specifically going on, but at least tell me how you're feeling or what I can do or if you just…I don't know, I just want to make you happy, Delphine." She started to turn back to look at the blond but paused. "Dude, stop," Cosima reached for both of Delphine's hands that she hadn't realized she had balled up into fists.

"Merde," she started to feel the sting on her injuries. Moisture was building up in her eyes and she could sense the sobs forming in her throat. Delphine sat up quickly and went to the restroom mumbling something about a first aid kit.

Cosima followed her and, once Delphine sat on the side of the tub with the box, she stole it and took over. "Okay, let's see," Cosima unwrapped the dirty bandage and threw it in the sink. The stitches were in tact but there was a small amount of blood that leaked through on her hands. "Delphine, one of the hugest things these are for is so that you don't keep bleeding. Are you even supposed to keep bandages on your hands? What did the doctor say?"

"I don't remember, I just felt like they should be covered. It was all I had," Delphine felt exhausted again. Cosima seemed to catch on as well.

She grabbed a wet cloth and started to dab at the blood around the stitches while Delphine watched. "You are a trouble-maker, you". Delphine smiled, relieved Cosima didn't stay upset for very long.

"I met someone," Delphine started nervously. Cosima glanced up at her, prompting her to continue. "I met someone that I think I like. A lot. But they are already dating someone else".

"Why is it causing you so much trouble?" Cosima paused her cleaning for a moment.

"I just don't like having the feeling there. It doesn't feel good to watch and only be a friend. And sometimes I think that I don't actually like this person, I just think I do because of their situation, kind of. But also, just the nature of the person, it makes it hard for me to accept the feelings because they're so unfamiliar…if that makes any sense," Delphine stared at her hand the entire time, unable to meet Cosima's eyes.

"That makes total sense. What's bad about their nature, like what makes the feeling so unfamiliar? Haven't you ever liked someone before?" Cosima went back to her cleaning, moving onto drying.

"There's nothing bad about their nature, just different from mine, or what I thought mine was. It makes the feelings different – for me at least. I don't know, really. They…they are wonderful and funny and amazing and so smart. Sometimes I feel like I know for sure how much I like them, but other times I feel like I'm just constructing it in my own head". She sighed as Cosima started putting new bandages on from the first aid kit, despite not knowing whether or not they were even necessary.

"So, they have a different personality type than your used to or something?" Delphine shook her head. "I don't want to jump to conclusions or whatever, but just considering your phrasing here, I have an idea what this 'nature' thing might be…" Cosima smiled slyly and squinted at Delphine suspiciously.

"I…" Delphine blanked, again.

"Is this an orientation thing? Do you like someone who's not a boy?" Cosima moved onto the next hand.

Delphine wasn't sure what her answer would give away. So far, Cosima didn't seem mad or put off, though. "I think so…" she wanted so badly to look down to her hands again, but she couldn't take her eyes off of Cosima's.

"I don't think that feeling is too uncommon. When I first realized a had a crush on a girl, I just thought I loved being her friend so much that I wanted to kiss her, you know. It's hard to tell sometimes when society tells you that those feelings don't exist for normal people and you've been a normal person all your life. My parents always told me something along those lines. I was kind of confused so, when I told them about the girl I liked, they said that those were just friend feelings. But if I felt like that for any of the boys in my class, I'm sure they would've told me to use protection or something".

"How do your parents feel about you being gay now? Have they changed since then?" Delphine never thought about Cosima not being who she was, openly and honestly. She couldn't imagine Cosima having to hide parts of her personality.

"I moved hundreds of miles away from my parents to live with a girlfriend who cheats on me – what do you think they think of the gays?" Cosima chuckled with a hint of resentment. At least she was able to reject her parents' hurtful behavior. Shay was a different story. "Sorry, this kind of turned into a conversation about me," Cosima finished repacking the first aid kit and set it on the counter.

Delphine stared at Cosima for a moment before pulling her into a tight hug. Was anyone decent to Cosima? Did she really have to choose the lesser evil instead of happiness?

"Hey, careful. I just redid your stupid hands," Cosima wrapped her arms around Delphine and they both seemed to calm down quite a bit.

"Please stop being with her, Cosima," Delphine said quietly, but loud enough to be heard. Cosima sniffled and Delphine held her tighter. A few seconds passed and Delphine could feel the wetness of tears soak through the fabric on her shoulder.

"I fucking hate Minnesota," she felt Cosima's stomach clench with a silent sob as she tucked her head next to Delphine's neck. "Like, I just want to be warm and it's just so cold here Delphine. I just want to be somewhere warm where I can be happy. I want something completely different from this shithole life I ended up with and I want all the shitty people to just be somewhere else for once. Just an island with the people who aren't fuckheads," Cosima's silent sobs turned into quiet chuckles.

Delphine pulled back, more than slightly concerned. "Why…are you laughing?"

Cosima wiped the tears off her chin and smiled. Delphine wasn't sure if it was a happy smile or a mental break smile. "Will you make me a fuckhead-free island?"

Delphine smiled. "Of course. Who would you like on your island?"

Cosima sniffled again and wiped the rest of the tears from her face. She thought for a moment, "Obviously you will be queen and…I think Scott would make a good jester?"

"You'd like me to be the ruler of your fuckhead-free monarchy island and you'd like Scott to make jokes?" Delphine laughed awkwardly.

"Half-ruler. I'd be the king, of course. And Scott would be our only citizen until we find more non-fuckheads".

Delphine smiled warmly. She felt better even without solving her problems. They must be two very odd people if they both just sobbed in each other's arms on the side of a bath tub and then jumped to laughing about their pretend island. She held the sides of Cosima's neck and leaned in to kiss her cheeks. It felt so good after not doing it for over a month.

"Goodbye kisses? Are you leaving?"

"Well," Delphine sighed happily, "I do have an island to build you".

"Fuck you, no, I just redid your mangled hands," Cosima shook her finger in Delphine's face. "Wait until they're healed…then build our island. I'll let Scott know".


	16. Honestly

**16\. Honestly**

Cosima left sometime after nine. To Delphine's delight and relief, they watched a movie and ordered takeout. She realized that, in addition to being depressed, Cosima was also feeling a lot of tension because of Delphine's mood lately. It wasn't all gone, but it was at least brought into the light.

When she woke up Thursday morning, the agitation she caused her hands yesterday was showing itself clearly. Some skin must have torn, Delphine figured, because of how much worse it hurt than the day before. She was thinking about going in for a full day at the lab, but after finishing her morning routines she decided to just take some painkillers and do a quick checkup on her samples.

After seeing Cosima sob yesterday, Delphine knew she would have a hard time seeing Shay today, let alone working with her for the rest of the summer. She just had to make it through another month before summer session finished and then she could spend fall semester in class with Cosima. She took an extra pill just so she could push through for half an hour or so.

Walking to campus proved to be a bit too much to handle. She had only ever taken her painkillers at home and usually fell asleep afterward. Delphine wondered if she should still attempt to go in, even just to glance at her samples through the glass. She continued on into the biology wing regardless. She figured that, if Shay was there, she didn't have too much to worry about in terms of further injury.

Delphine kept her hand on the wall as a guide, slightly paranoid that she'd end up lost in a wing with one hallway. The drowsiness was making her feel high, but she knew she'd be able to think straight enough to write some notes. It would just take longer. As she approached their assigned lab near the end of the hall, she noticed that the door was closed, which only really happened when no one was in there. She would have to be extra careful if Shay wasn't around.

Delphine took a breath and pushed open the door, only to see two people already inside, "Shay?"

"Delphine!" Shay, who had her back to Delphine, turned and pulled her hand out the other girl's pants quickly. The dark-skinned girl looked more irritated than surprised. "You're supposed to be home".

"I came to take some notes and check on my half of the project…What are you doing?" she glanced at the other girl.

"I was taking a break. I've been working without you for the week, don't I deserve a break?" Shay defended weakly. Delphine had spent most of their project working alone anyway, but that wasn't the issue.

"Doesn't Cosima deserve respect from you?" The anger building inside was only making her more fatigued rather than amping her up. "Why do you date her if you're going to fuck everyone else on campus?"

The girl paused in the middle of zipping her jeans back up to scoff. "It's okay babe, she's just a bitch," Shay consoled the woman. "How do you even know Cosima doesn't know about it or that she's not cool with it? Not everyone is so closed minded like you, Del".

Delphine remembered when Cosima said, just yesterday, that her girlfriend cheats on her. So, Cosima knows that Shay is sleeping with other people…but she still called it cheating. It made it very hard for Delphine's barely-functioning mind to sort out. _Does Cosima tell Shay it's alright, but she's actually not fine with it or does Cosima just know about it and lets it happen or they both agree it's fine and Cosima just sounded upset yesterday for a different reason or maybe something else? I need to ask Cosima._

Delphine mumbled 'Cosima' and turned to leave. "Where do you think you're going?" Shay looked like she was going to attack.

"Cosima?" Delphine said like she was confirming her answer rather than presenting it.

"What, to tell her about this? I don't think so. You just want to do that because you want to fuck her, Delphine. And don't fucking act innocent and deny it. I'm not fucking stupid, I see the way you look at her. You accuse me of being a whore when you're all over someone else's girlfriend? You even fucking kissed her!" Shay unloaded on Delphine, the girl behind her now looking more entertained.

"What?" Delphine couldn't bring herself to deny her feelings, but she wasn't ready to admit them either.

"You think you'll break us up and then you can be with her? Fuck you. We've been together for years. Plus, you're just some arrogant foreigner. Cosima isn't into that". Shay wouldn't stop staring at Delphine and it was making it harder for her to think.

"If I want to be with Cosima, I don't think it would be too hard to convince her that I'm better than you," she was proud she got the whole thing out.

Shay smiled a biting smile and squinted her eyes at Delphine. She pulled something up on her phone and handed it to the girl behind her, pointing at the screen and nodding. When she looked back at Delphine, her expression was much harder to place. "We'll see about that," she said calmly as she sauntered over to Delphine. She had the feeling Shay was going to punch her, but it didn't seem to fit the situation logically.

When Shay made it across the lab to Delphine, she grabbed the edge of her jacket and pulled hard. Delphine's limp body was moved easily and, if Shay hadn't moved to the side, she would have run right into her. Instead, Shay swung her around by her jacket until Delphine was forced to put her arms up to keep from crashing into the wall. Shay was sandwiched between herself and the wall, clinging to Delphine's jacket still. She couldn't help but remember the night with Cosima at the bar. She should have kissed her then.

Shay, however, didn't hesitate. Before Delphine could catch her breath, Shay pulled her in further and kissed her with force. She tasted synthetically sweet, like a strawberry flavoring that tastes nothing like a strawberry. When Shay pushed Delphine away and walked back to her work area, Delphine realized that she had kissed her back. She was thinking about Cosima, but she was kissing Shay. She didn't pull away or even just stay still. She closed her eyes and participated like she wanted it.

"What do you think she'll make of this?" She heard Shay approach her and turned to lean back on the wall. Shay held up her smartphone for Delphine to see. It was a paused frame of a video. All she could see was Shay against the wall and Delphine's arms trapping her there. Out of context, it would look like Delphine attacked Shay and forced the kiss.

Delphine was speechless, still trying to process the first half of these events. She watched Shay take a screenshot and move her finger over the screen for a moment. The cellphone in her own pocket vibrated. "Do you think Cosima is going to want to date a hypocrite who calls other people sluts but still goes around jumping on whoever she wants?"

Delphine just stared, half of her wishing she never came in the first place, and the other half wishing she came in earlier. "What's wrong with you?"

"Maybe I just don't like my shit being stolen from me," Shay spat back, unwavering. All Delphine could think to do was leave. She walked out of the building in a haze. She walked the sidewalks back to her apartment in a haze. She spent the rest of the day and the remainder of the week in a haze.

Delphine desperately wanted to skip lab on Tuesday, but she knew she was well enough to attend. To her relief, Shay didn't show up until her typical time – ten minutes before their lab time ended. No words were exchanged until Cosima showed up. Shay said goodbye with a chipper tone and an evil undertone.

Delphine didn't know how to deal with the situation. She wanted to tell Cosima, but she wasn't sure how to explain it. _Shay kissed me because she knows I like you? Shay kissed me and I kissed her back because I wanted it to be you? Shay was fingering some other girl and then we kissed because she doesn't want you to date me? Would you date me? You know I'm more than just an arrogant foreigner, right? Would you ever like me that way? I'm nothing like Shay…_

She found herself conflicted on what she wanted to be now. She wanted to be Cosima's type, but Cosima's type included Shay. If Cosima did prefer an open relationship, would she be able to handle that? Would she ever even break up with Shay?

Delphine had to explain it as best she could, in person, and soon. It was Tuesday night, so she could do it Wednesday when she usually hung out with Cosima. She settled on that and tried to sleep.

**DC**: _Do you want to watch that movie today? I can get popcorn?_

**Cosima**: _sorry dude shays taking me out today or something so well wait till next week…have a chill day tho ttyl_

Shay knew exactly what she was doing, and so did Delphine. The longer Delphine waited to tell Cosima, the worse it would be. Nearly two weeks would be shitty, but she didn't want to text her either. Maybe it would be better to wait so she could think of what she wanted to say. It wasn't her fault, after all. Cosima had to believe that. Delphine would never try to kiss someone with a girlfriend, especially Cosima's. She did intend on kissing Cosima, though, so long ago at the bar. She kissed Cosima in her sleep, she dreamt about kissing her, she thought about kissing her and so much more. Was she any better than Shay? She had to be.

Friday's lab was Shay-free for the first half, and Delphine worked efficiently. An hour and a half in, though, Shay showed up with the same girl from the week before. Delphine put in headphones to drown out their giggling and whispers. She turned her back for the rest of the period – Shay probably didn't even work at all. Delphine felt guilty for turning a blind eye when Cosima was her friend, but she had too much on her plate right now. She knew that wasn't a stellar excuse, but it was the one she was using to avoid the situation and the confrontation it required.

The next week went the same. A different girl came in on Friday though. It seemed like Shay was going out of her way to show Delphine what she had over her. She knew better than Delphine how much Cosima's opinion mattered to her. Cosima was occupied on Wednesday again. Shay was a cunning asshole.

The next week went the same. Again. A boy came in on Tuesday and Friday, though. For some reason, it made Delphine more uncomfortable than the two girls who came in. How did Shay just find people who were willing to go make out with her in a lab while someone else worked? Delphine recognized no one who came in with her.

The last week of lab started today, Delphine's last Tuesday with Shay. She hoped to God that Shay decided to keep the last week sacred and just work without extra company. The first half hour went by with only Delphine in the lab. Shay was usually late, but after fifteen minutes or so she would show up – on the days that she showed up. Delphine thought that maybe lab would be even better without Shay's guest or Shay. She would have been more thorough if it was just her.

The last Friday was what she was really not looking forward to. Today they had to finish up notes and anything to do with the samples they used or data they collected, but Friday was dedicated to collaborating to write their summary. It would be the first time during the summer they would talk more than a few idle words to each other.

Even though the summer was mostly awful, Delphine still felt a bit sad about it ending – the trials she worked hard on, the samples that made it to the final stages. She was thinking about this when Shay finally walked in. Delphine breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Shay came alone. "Bonjour," she greeted to ease the tense silence Shay brought with her.

"Bonjour," she said back in a mocking tone. She seemed mad, but not at Delphine at least.

"I'm almost done with the first two sections of the samples, then after we clean up and put them away, we can look at some data".

"Sounds great," Shay set her bag on the table and got out her phone. She didn't seem to have intentions of going through her half of the samples. Delphine sighed – she knew she'd have to do the whole thing by herself. "Do you have a fucking problem?"

Delphine was taken aback by the abrasiveness that Shay usually saved for more personal matters. "Euh, no? I just want to get this done and it would have been nice to have some help, but if you want to just sit there then whatever," she was starting to feel pissed, too.

"Excuse me?" she put her phone down. "Do I have to just come in and get straight to work? Can't I get settled first? Jesus, I'm not a fucking machine. Give me minute and I'll do things at my own fucking pace, Delphine".

"Yeah, your pace is usually at a standstill on the occasion you actually look at your work instead of giving the random person you bring in here a hickey. So, it's fine, sit there the whole time if you want. I'm used to it," Delphine didn't know where the intense anger was coming from, maybe built up from the weeks of shit she had to deal with around Shay.

"I don't think I'm the person you want to be fucking with right now, Delphine. I still have the evidence that will destroy your pathetic friendship with Cosima. I'm sure you talk shit about me all the time and tell her to break up with me. I think you kissing me will give that a different light, don't you?" Shay kicked the chair next to her so she could move to the refrigerators. Delphine expected more of a fight, but Shay got to work. It was unusual.

Another hour and a half went by in silence. There was half an hour before their lab time ended and Delphine wanted to leave early so she worked as fast as she could. There was a light knock at the door. "Hello, I just wanted to checkup on your last day with your samples. Did everything go well?"

Delphine, sitting at the back again, partially hidden from view, watched as the supervising instructor for Independent Study Lab walked over to Shay – presumably because he didn't see Delphine. He was a newer instructor, but he was in his forties. Shay smiled up at him, "Yes sir. Thanks to your supervision, it was quite enjoyable".

Delphine saw the instructor smile back in a suspicious way and lean on the counter next to Shay. "I like to hear that. Not everyone finds these projects so interesting – people get bored easily".

"Well," Shay replied, turning toward him on her chair, "Not everyone is as open-minded as me. Things that others may find boring, I find quite intriguing". Delphine was starting to feel sick from being exposed to Shay's bullshit. She coughed lightly and went back to her work.

"Ah, well, I suppose I'll get going. Let me know if you ladies have any questions or need something," the man sounded flustered now.

"I'm sure you'd be able to answer burning questions during your office hours, sir?"

"Of course, anyone is welcome," he left quickly. Delphine smiled at what she interpreted as a small victory.

"You did that on purpose," Shay turned to Delphine, sweetness completely gone.

"Yes, I had an itch in my throat, so I purposely cleared it. Problem?" Delphine was feeling feisty for some reason.

Shay glared at her, finished a text, and threw her phone back in her bag. "Yeah. I have a stereotypical, pretentious, know-it-all, closet-lesbian problem and she doesn't seem to be getting the hint to back off. Do you want to know what the issue is with you, Delphine? It's that you are so fucking sure that you are the good guy, the stand-up, genius, gorgeous, French woman that you don't see any of your faults as faults – just other people's mistakes and flaws. At least I act on my desires. All you do is stay in your comfortable bubble and call yourself the victim when things don't just go your way. I'm honest, at least".

"Like hell you're honest! Does Cosima actually know about everyone you bring in here, or anyone else you may be fucking elsewhere? Because I think you try to be as dishonest as possible about that, Shay".

"Yeah, not unlike your dishonesty to Cosima. Does she know how you feel about her? Does she know that her 'friend' probably thinks about fucking her? She's my girlfriend – you don't have the right to fantasize about her. Anything you want to do, I guarantee I do it every fucking weekend".

"You don't have the right to claim her as your girlfriend! How is she anything special if you fuck anything else that moves?" Delphine's fists were balled, and she could feel the soreness from her healed injuries.

"You know why she's special, Del? It's because I can fuck anything else that moves, and she'll stay with me. You don't understand. She wants to be controlled and taken advantage of – that's what gets her off. Could you do that to her? I don't think so. If she didn't like it, she'd leave".

"Why can't you just screw everyone without her being in the picture? What is it about Cosima – it has to be more than the sexual freedom you have. Why do you even want her, Shay? Why don't you break up with her if you don't need her?"

"You want me to break up with her?" Shay asked calmly.

"Yes! Break up with her, Shay! Leave Cosima!" Delphine was yelling louder than she ever remembered yelling. She was angrier than she ever remembered being. She was more hurt than she thought she could be. Shay was using these unfamiliar grounds against Delphine, she was aware, but she just needed to get it all out.

"This is why you sent me that picture just now, then," Delphine turned to see Cosima standing at the door. She held up her phone and Delphine knew what picture she was talking about without needing to look at the screen.


	17. Some Plummeting

**17\. Some Plummeting**

"I just thought you should know what your 'friend' is really after, babe. Don't worry, I never reciprocated," Shay said with a voice Delphine didn't even recognize.

"Cosima, it's not what–" she was gone. Delphine heard the clacking of her boots as she ran down the hall. She went to run after her, but Shay pushed her out of the way and left first.

Delphine found herself in an empty, silent lab. Her best friend thought that she wanted to be with Shay, that Delphine was using her the whole time somehow. It felt like the first time she returned to her apartment after Cosima left, like stagnant air. She stood there in the middle of the lab with nothing to do or feel anymore.

Delphine wasn't surprised to find Shay absent from the last day of lab. She finished the summary on her own with ease. She cleaned up their entire work area. She disposed of everything properly, she sterilized the equipment, she put everything away.

She spent the following weeks between summer session and fall semester trying to get ahold of Cosima. She texted nearly every day. Every time she called, it went straight to voicemail. _Blocked_. She couldn't bring herself to go to Shay's apartment.

Did Cosima really believe Shay's story that easily? She knows what kind of person Shay was and what kind of person Delphine was. Shouldn't that make a difference? What kind of evil, insane, sick person was Shay to do something like that? Delphine became less worried about the nature of her relationship with Cosima and more worried about the existence of any kind of relationship. She didn't feel depressed – she felt scared.

She wasn't able to prepare well for fall semester. She was just too distracted. She felt the pain of a harsh breakup with only the evidence of a lost friendship. It wasn't fair that Shay won.

Delphine had three courses for fall – the last classes of her education. She would have her PhD soon. She wondered again about her future. If she stayed in America, she would have to be reminded of Cosima every day. If she left for France, she may never have the chance to see her again. She just wanted to sit down with Cosima and explain.

**Maman**: _Tu es toujours le bienvenu chez moi, mon amour._

**DC**: _J'ai une question, maman. Que penses-tu des lesbiennes ?_

**Maman**: _Ton père et moi ne nous sommes jamais souciés de ces choses. Tu sais, ton oncle était gay pendant un moment._

**DC**: _Et si j'étais comme ça, maman?_

**Maman**: _Peu importe avec qui vous vous retrouvez. Il ou elle a juste besoin de vous rendre heureux._

**Maman**: _Et il ou elle doit être gentil._

**Maman**: _Et il ou elle doit t'aimer._

**Maman**: _Et vous devez faire de moi une grand-mère!_

**DC**: _Ok. Je te parlerai plus tard maman. __Je t'aime._

Delphine put her phone away when she heard the teacher walk in. Mr. Mayer was one of her favorites. He was old fashioned in some ways but also very silly. She had him for Microbiology I as well. He took attendance – she was always in the first ten names or so, so she zoned out for the rest of the names. That is until there was a significant change in tone when Mr. Mayer got to Niehaus.

"Cosima! Is that you?" He spoke to a dreadlocked girl in the second row.

"No, sir. You must be thinking of a different dark-haired, eccentric Cosima Niehaus who's into science…" Delphine could hear that she was smiling. Mayer went on with roll after shaking his head at her sarcasm.

Delphine missed her. She missed her more now. She hadn't forgotten that they had this class scheduled together, but she was still startled. It was the only class Delphine had this semester with a mixture of grad and undergrad students – the rest of her classes were small groups of grad students. I wonder if Cosima looked at me when she heard my name. Did she feel anything? Anger still?

When the hour ended, Delphine rushed to put her things away so she could try to catch Cosima. By the time she looked up from her bag, she was gone. Delphine left for home.

Monday night, Delphine thought about being stereotypical and watching Hallmark for hours on end, but she never ended up turning the television on at all. She lounged on her couch and ignored her homework.

Tuesday night, Delphine thought about buying carrots and popcorn to remind herself of silly memories with Cosima, but she never even left her apartment. She lounged on her couch and ignored her homework.

Wednesday night, Delphine thought about getting two glasses of wine and drinking by herself, but she couldn't muster the energy to wash her pile of dishes. She lounged on her couch and ignored her homework.

Thursday night, Delphine thought about texting Cosima a long paragraph explaining the whole event, but she knew that her messages would never get through. She lounged on her couch and ignored her homework.

Friday night, Delphine thought about going to class and trying to forget about Cosima, but she never made it out of her place and Cosima never made it out of her thoughts. She lounged on her couch and ignored her homework.

Six weeks went about the same. Cosima came to class just five minutes late every day so there was no intercepting her before Mr. Mayer started, and she already had her things packed by the time he was finished with his lesson. Delphine tried every day still, but she put less and less effort into it as the weeks went on.

Delphine sat at the desk she had claimed as hers while Mr. Mayer handed back their midterms. She scrolled through old texts.

**DC**: _Please can't you just talk to me?_

**DC**: _This is a misunderstanding and I just don't want to do this over text_

**DC**: _Can't you see this doesn't make sense? The picture was taken out of context, it was a whole thing and that was just a snapshot. If you saw the whole thing you would understand_

**DC**: _You know I'd never do anything to hurt you right?_

**DC**: _Please just let me explain. I don't want us to stop being friends._

**DC**: _I miss you Cosima, please talk to me. Anything?_

**Cosima**: _Please don't contact me again. _

"Alright then, look at your grades. If you see a star by your grade, please come to my office hours by Friday. I'll see everyone on Wednesday". Delphine looked at her midterm. A red pen circled her grade: 68%. There was a small asterisk next to it. She was an odd kind of disappointed. She figured she couldn't actually be disappointed because it's not like she wasn't expecting it, but she still had the feeling. She packed her bags and didn't even look to make sure Cosima had already gone. She knew she was.

Delphine knew exactly why she needed to go to Mr. Mayer's office hours. She was sure there were others in the class who received a D or lower, but the difference was that she never got anything below an 80%. She decided to get it over with and go to his office hours the next day after her morning class.

Delphine ambled through the professors' hallway, dripping from the rain she walked through to get there. Mr. Mayer's office door was open. She knocked twice on the door before entering.

"Ah, Delphine, have a seat," Delphine sat. "Let's have a look at your grades, shall we?" He opened his filing cabinet and took out a few folders, then brought up Delphine's student profile on his computer.

"Sorry about my attendance lately," Delphine mumbled, hoping the shame came through more than the apathy.

"Please wait in the hall," he said to a student presumably also coming to his office hours. "That's alright, Delphine. I know you've always been a dedicated student. That's actually why I wanted to talk with you. Since you started your graduate program with us, you've shown only excellence and diligence. You've been one of the best students in our entire department. That's what makes me worried. This semester, I see your grades have plummeted, not only in my class, but also in your others. You've worked on material much more advanced than this, Delphine".

"I apologize for my recent…plummeting. I will try my best to correct it," Delphine just wanted to leave. She didn't feel too comfortable with someone noticing and looking into her failure.

"Delphine, I've known you for several years now. There has to be something more than just not paying attention in class. You know we have counselors at the health center if you're having a hard time with something in your personal life, or academically. You can even talk to me if something is wrong. I just don't want you to throw away your years of hard work. Is there something I can do to help? What's going on, Delphine?"

Delphine sighed, she wanted to talk about this to somebody more than anything. "I wanted something for a very long time. Irreparable damage was done and no matter how hard I want to, I can't fix it. I'm sorry this has taken precedent over my academic performance. I will do better to focus". Delphine felt like a robot when she said it, but it was the only way she could express her feelings without having them. Otherwise, she surely would have cried.

"Look, Delphine. If you don't do extraordinary for the final, I don't think you will pass this class". He gave her a concerned expression. It made Delphine frustrated for some reason.

"I will do better," she said with the same tone and got up to leave.

"Okay, Delphine. But I really hope you mean it," Delphine looked to the ground, "Please send the next student in," she nodded and left.

Right outside the door were a couple chairs for students. A boy that she didn't recognize from her class sat in the first and Cosima sat in the second. She stared at her hands and avoided Delphine's gaze. "You can go in," she said to the boy. He nodded and grabbed his backpack before entering the office. She started walking, it was no use to try with Cosima.

"Don't fail your classes, Delphine," she heard Cosima say in a small voice, still staring at her hands. It had been a long time since she heard her voice at all. She looked back at the girl for a moment before taking a couple steps toward her.

"Cosima, I'm not going to try to talk to you anymore. Please come to class on time and don't be worried about it," Delphine said somberly. She turned just as Cosima's watery eyes looked up at her. She kept walking, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep her word if she looked at her.

Delphine tried not to think about why Cosima could have been going to office hours. She was brilliant and didn't seem to be in a bad mood aside from avoiding Delphine. Cosima did start showing up on time after that. She listened to Mr. Mayer talk until the very end before she started putting her things away instead of rushing to get away from Delphine.

Delphine started to feel guilty for how much pressure she must have been putting on Cosima. She had made it clear she didn't want Delphine to talk to her, but she kept insisting on trying. She should've been more considerate.

During the final month or so of fall semester, Delphine started to notice Cosima glancing back at her every now and then. There was one time it looked almost like she was going to come talk to her. She didn't. At least the hostile tension was gone for the most part. She hadn't seen Shay anywhere on campus since summer.

It was getting colder as December approached. Delphine always missed home in the winter. Lille never really got that cold – not as cold as Minnesota. She was thinking more about returning to France after graduating. She would at least be used to the loneliness there.

She looked at her phone again while she waited for the professor to hand out the final exam.

**Cosima**: _Please don't contact me again. _

"Please turn off and put all electronics away. Clear your desks of everything but a number two pencil and scratch paper. Do not flip the exam over until I say. Write clearly, print your name at the top along with your student ID number. You may leave after you're done". Delphine turned her phone off and shoved it into her bag on the floor.

She took her time with every question – not because she wanted to be thorough, but because she couldn't remember what she read seconds after finishing the sentence. Perfectly logical and simple questions were too complicated to understand. She wasn't even sure if she studied. _Don't contact her ever again in her life?_ There were ten pages of questions, some were even true or false, easy. _Was it an angry don't contact me again or a sad one?_ The exam should have gone smoothly, she must not have studied. _Did Shay make her say that or does she really want nothing more to do with me?_ A year ago, she would have aced this test and finished within a half-hour. She finally turned her exam in after an hour and forty-five minutes. Delphine looked back at the few people still working frantically on their final exam. Cosima was already gone. She didn't even notice her leave.

As Delphine made her way to the door, she could only think about buying a pack of cigarettes. It had been so long since she'd smoked and she needed it now, desperately. That was her last class with Cosima. She would only see her in random passing now, if ever. She stopped just before opening the doors. Snow was falling, she could see through the windows. She really needed a cigarette now – she still had to walk home.

Umbrella-less, she pushed the doors open and let the cold bite at her nose and ears. She started in the direction of the nearest gas-station.

"Delphine wait".


	18. Options

**18\. Options**

"Where're you going?" She stopped when there was a tug at her sleeve.

She turned to see a bundled up Cosima looking at her. "Uhm, why?" she knew it sounded bitchy, but she didn't want to let her guard down just yet.

"I, uh, wonder if I could join you. I thought we could talk?" she wore a puppy-dog eyes type of face that Delphine missed terribly.

_No, I've wanted to talk for months but you pushed me completely out of your life. You didn't give me the chance to explain the story you only know a fraction of. You wrote me off when I've been better to you than Shay's ever been and believed her when she lies to you constantly. You were one of the few people on Earth that I trusted and liked being around, then you disappeared. And it wasn't enough that you disappeared – you had to hate me, too_. "Sure," she said instead.

They started walking awkwardly next to each other, "So…how do you think you did?"

_I think I failed because all I can think about is what you think about me. I think I failed because I haven't been able to concentrate or be happy or feel anything for months_. "I'm not sure, how about you?"

"Oh, fine, I guess. I finished quickly, but that usually means I didn't do well for some reason," she said with a chuckle. Delphine was confused but maintained a low level of interest. She hummed in response. "Where are you headed? Isn't your place that way?" she pointed to the left.

"I'm making a stop at the gas-station first. The school convenience store, unfortunately, does not sell cigarettes," she said in no particular tone.

"I didn't know you smoked".

"I don't, really. I haven't smoked in a couple years. I need something to calm my nerves, though".

"Oh okay," they walked a few more steps before Cosima stopped again. "Wait!"

"What?" Delphine was still putting up her best front, but she spoke a little softer now.

"I know this is such a shitty time for me to offer this, especially since we haven't talked in so long, but I do happen to have an alternative in my bag?" Cosima shrugged her shoulders.

Delphine wore a puzzled expression. Cosima held her thumb and index finger to her lips and then blew her hand away – Delphine understood. "I don't know…"

"If you're uncomfortable with the activity, totally fine, but I have more than enough to share," Cosima looked more like she was pleading than offering.

"I guess that would save some money," she turned and began walking in the direction of her apartment. Cosima skipped up next to her.

"Oh no, I'll charge you," as much as she didn't want it to, a smile crept up on Delphine's lips.

"Okay, not too much since this is your first time. Just take a short drag and hold it for a sec before exhaling," Cosima lit the joint in Delphine's mouth. It tasted much different from cigarettes, but she couldn't place it as better or worse. She liked the taste of cigarettes.

They smoked for a few minutes, Cosima much more than Delphine, next to the window behind Delphine's couch. It could have been how little Delphine actually inhaled or the degree of stress she was under, but Delphine didn't feel much different aside from a little lighter.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch," Cosima said after a while of silence.

Delphine turned her head from the darkening sky to look at Cosima. "It's fine, I guess," she said, leaning her head on the window frame.

"I unblocked your number after a couple weeks. I planned on calling or texting or something, but I didn't know how. I read your texts, though. There was a lot of them. You probably don't remember what you sent to–"

"–I go through our messages almost every day," Delphine said without hesitation. Cosima looked down at her hands, playing with her rings. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh," she looked back up at Delphine nervously. "Just…you know…the thing that happened. Over the summer. You're right, I really don't know what went down and Shay's really good at making things look bad…"

"She is a mastermind," Delphine got up to sit on the couch. Cosima followed after a moment of silence.

"If you want to tell me what happened, I'm ready and willing to listen. Like actually listen," she sat at the other end of the couch. Not like they used to, side by side.

Delphine took a breath, trying to sort out her thoughts. "You knew Shay was cheating on you, right? A lot?" Cosima nodded slowly. "Well, she had some girl in the lab when she thought I was going to be home recovering," she held up her now-healed hands, "and Shay's hand was down the girls pants when I walked in. I also was very drowsy at the time, so my mind was working a little slower than normal. I just got angry I guess and I think I was trying to leave so I could tell you, but then Shay grabbed me and we ended up against the wall and she kissed me before I could think to move," Delphine explained as quickly as she could.

"That's…" Cosima started but couldn't seem to get a proper sentence out.

"Oh, and she must have had the girl who was with her take a video of the whole thing so she could blackmail me or whatever. She knew I wouldn't want you to ever see that so…yeah blackmail, I guess?"

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Cosima was starting to look upset.

"I tried. After that, Shay made sure I never got the chance to see you and I really didn't want to do it over text," Cosima nodded and seemed to calm down. "Anyway, after that incident, Shay kept bringing people in during lab. I always kept focused on my work so I wouldn't have to deal with it, and I know I should have said something or done something, but it was overwhelming. That's why I snapped at her that last week of lab. Our instructor came in and she was hitting on him and I just ended up yelling at her. You came in just as I was begging her to let you go since she can't stay faithful for even a week and then you could be with someone who loves you and doesn't sleep around and doesn't abandon you to drink with her friends and doesn't say awful things to you for just living and doesn't try to control everything in your life and doesn't–"

"–Delphine, it's okay," Cosima moved to scoop Delphine up in her arms. She sobbed for a moment, worked up from speaking so quickly about the heavy emotions she hadn't worked through. She felt so much better in Cosima's arms.

Cosima stroked her hair and held her tight until she stopped crying. "I'm sorry Cosima, I really failed you as a friend," Delphine pulled back and wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"Dude don't blame yourself for not being able to fix a relationship that's been broken for years. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I'm the one who pretends not to know even when it's obvious". Cosima combed her fingers through Delphine's hair, some of it wet from her crying.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about everything sooner. I should have just texted you. And I'm sorry for harassing you after you saw that picture," Delphine couldn't seem to take her eyes off her wringing hands.

"So the girl you were talking about, the one you thought you liked who was in a relationship, that wasn't Shay?"

"God no!" Delphine shouted a little louder than she intended.

"Well, that's mostly the reason I was mad at you. I thought you liked Shay and you were pointing out all the negative stuff so you could be with her".

"Cosima, there's not much else besides negative stuff to point out in the first place," Delphine managed a glance up to Cosima's eyes. She didn't look mad, but there was a wall up.

"Why was it so important to you to keep the picture a secret that you put up with Team Horny setting up camp in your work space? I'm kind of confused about the purpose of it, but I don't know how to verbalize my confusion, you know?" Cosima started twirling the rings on her fingers again.

"I don't know. It worked, didn't it? You shut me out, you hated me," Delphine thought she needed to cry, but all she felt was the numbness that had taken over her for the past few months. She closed her eyes, "It killed me".

Cosima was silent for a while. Delphine exhaled, exhausted. "I promise, life isn't this shitty every time you smoke weed," Delphine looked up to see Cosima's smile and dark brown eyes comforting her.

"Cosima, the reason it was so important to me that you didn't think it was Shay I liked is because her girlfriend is the person I liked. Still like," Delphine felt her cheeks warming, but it was a conflicting feeling. It was a sad confession, not an embarrassing one. She kept her head down, but she wasn't sure if it was shame that made her or something else.

Cool hands pressed against her warm cheeks, raising her gaze up to meet Cosima's eyes. She had yet another expression Delphine couldn't place. Her thumbs stroked underneath Delphine's eyes, dry, but still irritated from crying. Cosima searched her face silently, perhaps wanting to say something but not able to. Delphine hoped Cosima wasn't mad or feeling awkward, but overall Delphine hadn't put a lot of weight to her words. It was just stating a fact, she wasn't asking Cosima for anything, just passing on information.

Cosima tilted her head and chastely kissed Delphine, a peck. It seemed to be a sympathy kiss. There was a sadness that Delphine felt with it. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Delphine raised her eyebrow at Cosima. "First of all, I thought it was more than obvious. Second, it wouldn't matter because you have Shay. And third, I actually did tell you a few times, just not in a way that you would understand".

"You French bitch," Cosima slapped her cheek playfully. Delphine laughed, genuinely. She felt happier just to have said it. Or maybe she was happier because Cosima kissed her. A real kiss that Delphine didn't just make in her head, a kiss she was awake for.

"Why did you kiss me?" Delphine broke eye contact again, this time she felt embarrassed. She really did want to know, but she didn't want to hear Cosima confirm her suspicions that the kiss was just for the moment, out of guilt or pity.

"Why did you tell Shay to break up with me?" Cosima's smile was audible in her question. She didn't sound accusing.

"Because she doesn't deserve to have you and you don't deserve to be just an accessory. She was sleeping with everyone anyway, there wasn't a good point in making you stay with her aside from control".

"Oh," Cosima still had her cheeks captured. "You were supposed to say 'so you and me could be together forever and ever' duh".

"You and I," Delphine corrected.

"Shut up, Frenchie," Cosima shook a pointing finger in her face. Delphine rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Wait, what? Why would I say that?" Delphine felt stupid for missing that.

"Oh my God," Cosima shook her head and smiled. The smile disappeared quickly though, and Cosima looked deep in thought. She sighed, "I met Shay during my first few years of college. She was a lot different then. Kind of. My parents hated her, they thought she was, like, a ho or something. At the time, though, I really loved her, and I didn't want to see past that. Plus, my parents hated me anyway. I don't know if it was me being gay or getting a nose ring or whatever, they just looked at me like they were disappointed and disgusted all the time. Probably the nose ring," Cosima smiled, but kept her eyes down. "I think half the reason I stay with her is just to show my parents up or something. She got possessive pretty soon but ended up moving back here. She's originally from here, she just did some school in San Fran, but didn't like it. I stayed back obviously – I didn't really have the resources to move with her. We stayed together, though, and it worked out better. That's telling, I guess. A little over a year ago, my parents were starting to get shittier. It was just really hard to take, and I didn't want to be in San Francisco anymore. Shay said it was cool that I come live with her and finish school," Delphine listened intently.

"What were your parents doing?" Delphine asked softly. Cosima just shrugged her shoulders.

"I just kept saying to myself that Shay was better than them, that her shit was more tolerable than theirs because at least she was nice to me some of the time". Cosima stopped and was silent for a moment.

"Cosima, you don't always have to choose the less-shitty thing. Live somewhere that makes you happy and be with people who make you happy. Your parents and Shay aren't the only options you have," Delphine didn't know what to feel. She wanted to just order Cosima to leave Shay, but she wasn't going to force her – she wasn't going to just be another Shay. No matter how much Cosima needed to end it, it had to be her choice.


	19. Hard Things

**19\. Hard Things**

"What are my other options, then?" She looked up at Delphine, a serious expression on her face.

Delphine sighed, unable to figure out what Cosima was really asking, "They're endless". She thought about the kiss again, the real one. She looked at Cosima's lips, trying to remember what it felt like. It was so fleeting, though. It was a quick warmth that only left her lips cold again.

She wanted to pull Cosima to her and just kiss her. She wanted to kiss her until she could never forget what it felt like, what she tasted like, everything. She wanted to be able to roam Cosima's body freely or just hold her hand. She wanted to be the person to treat Cosima the way she deserved to be treated – to be closer to her than anyone else.

But she couldn't. She already thought so low of herself for having chronic fantasies steal chunks of time from her day, she didn't need to add an affair to her case. If she did what she wanted, she would be no better than Shay. Besides, she wanted Cosima as a whole, not just the parts that weren't being occupied by Shay at that moment. She wanted to be with Cosima and Cosima to be with her.

Delphine walked Cosima downstairs and saw her off at the lobby door. She kissed her cheeks properly rather than her more intimate alternative. Cosima seemed to notice. She watched Cosima walk away, she watched her look back several times, and then she walked back up to her apartment.

It was official: Delphine failed two of her Fall classes. She was able to register for Spring semester in time, but she still felt sick when she saw how poorly she had done. Her friendship with Cosima seemed to be restored which would probably help her academic performance. Although, she did feel more distracted by Cosima than she was before – the focus Cosima brought her wasn't nearly as strong. She was relieved they were friends again, but also disappointed that Cosima wouldn't just leave Shay. She was only ever mean to Cosima. A rare moment of forged affection might appear, but Cosima didn't mean anything but control to her. Now that Delphine had felt a genuine kiss from Cosima, her impulses were becoming more impatient, their containment in immediate danger.

Delphine tried her best to stay on task during class, but it was proving very difficult. The first few weeks of the semester were agonizing. She copied down the same notes, listened to the same lectures, did the same assignments. Thankfully, she had "Mike" again. He was a good teacher. Cosima had a full schedule since she was nearly done with her degree. One more summer session and she would graduate with her doctorate. If she actually worked properly for the semester, Delphine was on track to receive her doctorate at the end of Spring.

She was at least grateful that she could stay in school a while longer with Cosima. They didn't see each other often, but Delphine would visit her in the lab when she could. They avoided talking about Shay, not unlike when they had first met. The same reason applied, as well: they wanted to pretend she didn't exist. The advantage of Shay's constant affairs was that it made pretending she didn't exist quite easy. It still frustrated Delphine because she knew Cosima hated the relationship and refused to take action, but it was also tolerable because she got to see Cosima.

With Cosima spending more time with Delphine than with Shay, coming over to her apartment whenever she could, sitting next to each other in lab while Cosima worked and she did homework, the semester went fast. Delphine felt good about her midterms, especially since she had taken them both already the semester before. Cosima seemed to do well with everything. Delphine loved watching her work, most of all in the lab. She would shove her glasses up to use the microscope and have an unbreakable concentration. Even when she knew Delphine was staring at her, she would wait until she was done with her task before turning to wink or stick her tongue out. She was amazing.

"Delphine," Cosima said while writing observations, "Finals are coming up and despite only having two classes, I've noticed you engaging in studying for about zero minutes since you sat down". She looked over at Delphine with a sinister little smile.

"You don't know that," Delphine defended rather weakly. Cosima grabbed her notebook from the other side of their work station and slid it over to Delphine. She read Cosima's observations.

_2:30PM – Delphine has arrived_

_2:42PM – Delphine has finally opened her backpack to take her shit out instead of 'playing on her phone'_

_2:58PM – Delphine has started taking interest in my project_

_3:06PM – Delphine is not interested in my project, she's just staring at me…_

_3:26PM – Delphine is still watching me. She may have sighed just now…not sure_

_3:40PM – Delphine has started playing on her phone again. She is taking breaks to look at me. _

_3:42PM – Delphine has put away her phone and is doodling in her notebook. _

_3:59PM – Delphine is scribbling out whatever she doodled. Suspicious…_

_4:18PM – Delphine is taking some more time to watch me. Very diligent student she is._

_4:22PM – Delphine is working very hard at not studying for finals._

_4:48PM – For Delphine's sake, I simply must tell her to fucking study._

"What about all that time between? You don't know that I wasn't studying at those times," Delphine attempted to defend herself again.

"Also, your book is still closed," Cosima pointed out before taking her notebook back. "Delphine, you have to pass these classes. If you need to study somewhere else, do it. I don't want to be responsible for you failing two semesters in a row". She flipped the page back to her project observations.

"Two semesters? What do you mean?" Delphine opened her textbook.

"Last semester you were all whatever because I was being a bitch and now you're all distracted because I'm bringing my A-game in the style department," Delphine looked at Cosima's outfit. She wore a wrinkled lab coat over a loose T-shirt and patterned, parachute-like pants.

"I'm fine this semester, and last semester wasn't your fault, Cosima. Do you actually think it was?" Admittedly, Delphine had thought about it as Cosima's fault for a while but realized that it was her own fault for not dealing with her issues. She never thought that Cosima would blame herself, though.

"It was. I reacted to a shitty event in a shitty way and I was shitty to you and…yeah". Cosima twirled her pen in her fingers.

"My performance isn't your responsibility, Cosima. If it was anyone's fault other than my own, it wouldn't be you, it would be Shay. She fabricated the shitty event," Delphine was starting to feel some latent anger at Shay.

"Yeah, but I brought her into your life," Cosima turned fully to Delphine in the otherwise empty lab.

"I knew Shay before I knew you. She was the one who did all the things that…I don't know…you just don't get to blame yourself because I failed a couple classes. If you want to blame yourself for anything, you can blame yourself for still being with her," Delphine regretted her words once she saw Cosima's face. She was hurt, offended, attacked, because Delphine didn't think before she spoke.

"I'm sorry that I can't just easily throw away a relationship that I've had and relied on for years. Even if it's not perfect and I'm not completely ecstatic all the time, I still like her in my life. She's shitty sometimes but so am I. She gives me second chances all the time and I think I owe it to her to not just bail when things are hard". Cosima's fists were balled tight. She wasn't looking at Delphine anymore, she kept her eyes straight ahead.

"Cosima, I've only ever heard the hard things. I've only seen negative emotions when you talk about her. Do you think she'll just stop being who she is? Where do you see this going? You think she'll stop sleeping with everyone all of a sudden, love you wholly, quit controlling you, marry you, live a long, happy, calm life with you? Because I really doubt all of that". Cosima had the right to be upset with her for being a little blunt earlier without cause, but Delphine wouldn't lie to her about this. She cared too much for Cosima to let her live in some abusive fantasy.

"She's not the fucking devil. What am I supposed to do, Delphine? What would you do if someone told you to leave the one person who has supported you throughout all the shit that's gone wrong in your life?" Cosima would probably cry if she wasn't so pissed. Her tears were only held back with anger.

Delphine wasn't going to support an abusive relationship, though. She started packing her things. "I've believed this since the first time you told me about your girlfriend. She's an awful partner and you should leave her for your own good," she hung her bag over her arm and wrapped her scarf around her neck. "I'm not saying this so that you'll be with me, I'm saying this as someone who cares about you and your wellbeing". She got up to leave. Cosima didn't say anything. She expressed a combination between anger, sadness, and defeat.

Cosima stayed mad at Delphine for a week or two. It was awkward because they both still wanted each other around, Delphine knew that. Their one argument was just always in the way. It wasn't until the week before finals that Cosima texted her.

**Cosima**: _hey do you want to study?_

**DC**: _Sure_.

**Cosima**: _im sorry_

**DC**: _Me too_.

**Cosima**: _if i bring stupid all natural organic vegan gluten free french imported carrots can i come over?_

**DC**: _(: Don't worry, I already have some._

Delphine was glad their feud only lasted a short while this time. The months of silence had taken a toll on her. She wanted to avoid that if at all possible. Cosima's relationship with Shay, though, that was still a problem. Delphine knew it wasn't easy to just break up with someone who used to mean a lot to you, _but if Cosima knows her relationship is unhealthy, then she is an instrument in her own damage to an extent, isn't she? Maybe not…What would I know about it?_

"My God, it's amazing how bad you are at studying," Cosima nudged Delphine's arm. They were sitting beside each other on Delphine's couch. She must have zoned out again.

"I was taking a break," she flipped the page of her textbook for no real reason. Cosima stared at her for a moment. "What?"

"My God, it's amazing how bad you are at lying," she repeated in the same tone. Delphine rolled her eyes and turned the page back again. "What were you thinking about?"

She wasn't about to tell Cosima what she was really thinking about. They just returned to good terms. She looked around for a good answer as her fingers played with the fraying strings on the blanket they were sharing. "Do you remember when we first met, and we fell asleep on the couch? We had somehow managed to maneuver so that we were–"

"–Cuddling. Hell yes, that was awesome. You freaked out when you woke up," Cosima laughed. "The second morning was even better". Delphine remembered waking up to her hand against Cosima's bare stomach. She envied the past Delphine who had such privileges.

"Those few days were so odd," she commented.

"Yeah, but they're some of my favorite days ever. You made breakfast. It was so sweet. And it was so adorable how nervous you were around me. At the time, I thought you either had social anxiety stuff or just didn't talk very…smoothly".

"What do you mean?" Delphine feigned offense.

"Well, the moment we met, you were like 'Je vous la vous blah blah trois uno dos mucho' and you weren't the one shivering, all soaking wet".

Delphine covered her face with her hand and shook her head, "That was Spanish, Cosima," she couldn't help smiling, though.

"No, I'm pretty sure you were speaking French that night," Cosima stuck her tongue out. "Anyways, you just always seemed like you were caught off-guard, like stuttering in the cutest way. I kind of miss it, you know," she let her head drop to the back of the couch.

"Me too," Delphine sighed. She did wish she could go back to those days, but she wished she could go back knowing what she knew now about the feelings she had for Cosima. She spent so long denying them. Would it have mattered, though? Cosima would still be with Shay. "I have a question for you, and I'm not trying to criticize or offend you, I'm just curious," she looked to Cosima.

"Okay…"

"If you had come here just the same, still lost in the middle of the city, but Shay was not a part of your life…would those few days we spent together have been different?" Delphine bit her lip, hoping she didn't say something wrong.

Cosima took a moment to think. She didn't look offended so far. "I don't know. Probably, why?"

Delphine shrugged, "Oh, there are just some things that I interpret differently now – from my own perspective. I may have acted differently," she thought that maybe she would have never realized her feelings if it weren't for Shay. It wasn't admiration that Delphine recognized first, it was jealousy.

"I never would have come here in the first place if it wasn't for Shay, though. I would've preferred somewhere warmer". Cosima seemed to add onto Delphine's thoughts.

"You know, France is usually warm. Lille only had snow every once in a while for winter all the years I lived there. And you seem to have some amount of proficiency in the language," Delphine smirked at Cosima.

"Pouvez-vous dire trouver l'hôtel plus proche?"

"…ehm, close, but not quite".

"It's been a while since high school," Cosima fell silent for a minute, her smile softening. "I think I could do that if you were there". She was silent again and her smile had faded into a sad expression. She spun her rings around her fingers and kept her gaze fixed on them.

"What's wrong, Cosima?" Delphine put her hand on Cosima's forearm, attempting to bring her out of whatever state she was in.

"A lot, actually. I feel really conflicted," Delphine stroked her thumb along Cosima's tattoo. "I have this thing that's been a constant in my life for a long time, but it's a bad constant. It makes me feel bad and everyone else says it's a bad thing, but I can't help defending it".

"Shay?"

"Yeah," Cosima confirmed. "I know I should get out of it and shit, but it's so hard because I know I'd feel like shit when it ended, too. I can just always rely on it being there, I can rely on her always saying mean things to me when she's drunk, and I can rely on her not caring about who she sleeps with. I don't know if I'm insecure or just, like, fucked up or whatever…"

"How long will you feel like shit after it ends, do you think?"

"I don't know, weeks, months, somewhere between there, I guess," she replied in a mumble.

"And how long will you feel like shit if you spend the next three years with Shay?"

"I'd say about three years," Cosima smiled oddly. "I know it's stupid".

"Cosima, I just want you to be happy," Delphine lifted Cosima's chin, making her face the conversation rather than evade it. "What would make you happy?"

Cosima exhaled softly, "You know, I used to look at your lips a lot. On purpose, made sure you saw," she looked to Delphine's slightly parted lips. "I just really wanted you to kiss me, like, so many times. I couldn't really do it myself because in the back of my head there was Shay. But I still thought about it all the time". Delphine didn't speak, too scared to move her lips, but also unsure of what she was scared of.

Cosima looked back up to her eyes briefly before returning to her lips. Delphine was positive that it wasn't her who brought them together, but she did find herself closing her eyes and accepting Cosima's warm lips. It was more than a peck this time, it was intoxicating. Cosima's hand crept up to her neck, pulling her closer. She felt her textbook and notebook sliding off her legs onto the cushion beside her, not that she entirely cared at the moment.

Delphine knew in the back of her mind that this wasn't what she wanted. She would be a hypocrite if she encouraged Cosima to do the same thing Shay was doing. It may mean something different, but it still wasn't how she wanted to be with Cosima. Delphine held Cosima's arm, intending to pull away, but then felt the slight brush of Cosima's tongue on her lip. She let her mouth fall open for Cosima and only held her closer instead of exiting the situation.

Just as Delphine was slowly entering a world where she couldn't hear the voice in the back of her head anymore, her phone rang loudly in her pocket. They both jumped back, Cosima looking more startled by the phone and Delphine more startled by the whole activity. She took her phone out and looked at the screen:

**Incoming Call from Maman…**

"I…have to take this," she said like it was a question. Cosima nodded, panting still, and Delphine made her way into the bedroom. "Allô, maman?"

"Delphine, tu as dit que tu allais m'appeler," Delphine sat on her bed, somewhat frustrated with her mother's call, but also grateful.

"J'étais juste très occupé à étudier. Tout va bien?" Delphine's mother was probably in between what her American counterparts would call a "worry-wart" and "paranoid". Delphine's father had early-onset dementia, warranting the anxiety her mother always had, but it was also under as much control as it could be, and her aunts always helped out when they could.

This particular call was made because her mother thought his condition was worsening. Delphine had gotten these same calls, but her father would be taken to see his doctor and they would assure her mother that nothing had changed. So, Delphine was always skeptical when her mother got worked up. She assured her that he was probably fine, all he needed was a checkup and to stop being bothered by a frantic wife.

After she hung up, she cautiously made her way to the living room again. Cosima was back to studying. "I'm, euh, sorry about that. My mother worries a lot and I was supposed to call her earlier," she sat down next to Cosima.

"Dude, no problem. Is everything okay?" Cosima sounded sincere, but she still looked nervous.

"Everything is fine, my father is just sick, and she thinks it's worse than it is," she shook her head and looked at her pile of class material on the cushion beside her.

Cosima was quiet for some time. Delphine wasn't sure if she should start their inevitable conversation or wait for Cosima to bring it up. She had a feeling if she didn't, Cosima never would. She stared at her book and bit her lip.

"So, I know this isn't great timing," Cosima started, "but I have to go. Shay's picking me up for dinner and…yeah". She spun her rings around several times.

"Yeah," Delphine all but whispered, "I'll, uh, see you later then…" Cosima nodded, gathered her things, and left.

Delphine spent the evening staring at her textbook and notes unproductively.

Delphine knew she would pass her finals, but she was still relieved when she got her grades back. She didn't care much for the graduation ceremony ritual, so she planned on just taking her diploma through the mail. It was supposed to arrive in just a few weeks, but she wasn't as excited as she thought she should be.

She hadn't seen Cosima since before finals, a little over a week. They had texted, but she was worried that their last interaction had ruined their relationship again. It seemed their relationship was so fragile. Delphine thought about their first days together, they always cheered her up when she was thinking about the difficulties that she had with Cosima.

Delphine heard her phone ringing in the bedroom and jumped up from the couch in hopes it was Cosima. She thought it might be strange how giddy she still was to receive a call from the woman. She was disappointed, though. It was her mother again.

"Allô, maman," she sat on her bed and listened to her mother rant about her aunts. Someone was pregnant and it was making life hard for Delphine's mother. She still listened, though.

When she ended the call, she felt a little lightheaded and frozen. There was no time to process, though, since Cosima was knocking rapidly on her door, evident by her signature pattern.

"It's unlocked," Delphine shouted as she exited the bedroom. Cosima came bounding in, a huge smile gracing her face. Unlike any other day, it didn't bring Delphine joy. She only felt sicker now.

"Delphine! I have some news that I think you'll be happy about," she wrapped her arms around Delphine and squeezed tight.

"I have some news, too," she pushed back lightly on Cosima's arms. "You can go first," she offered, not wanting to ruin Cosima's mood just yet.

"Okay," she smiled and backed out of Delphine's space. "I did it," Delphine only looked at her with confusion. She sighed, "Delphine I broke up with Shay!"

Delphine's jaw dropped at the amazing irony the world afforded them. "You did?"

"Hell, yes!" Delphine wasn't really sure if she was happy or sad. "What about you? Whatcha got?"

She looked at Cosima for a moment, unsure if she was ready to accept her own fate. "I…my father…I have to go back to France…"


	20. Close Proximities - NSFW

**20\. Close Proximities – NSFW**

Delphine and Cosima sat on the couch together, both a bit stunned. Cosima was fiddling with her rings and Delphine was biting at her lip and examining the small area around them.

"What happened?" Cosima finally broke the silence.

"My aunt, she got pregnant or her daughter got pregnant, I don't know. Since my father started declining, my mother has needed a lot more help around the house and everything. They own a tiny vineyard outside of Lille. It doesn't really do that well, but I think everyone in town either pities them or likes fresh local wine. Anyway, since he really is getting worse, my mom can't handle everything on her own. I'm done with school and had always planned on returning home when I was done so, my mom begged me to come home," Delphine didn't make eye contact, only stared at her fingers picking at each other.

"I'm sorry, Delphine. It has to be really hard on you and your family," Delphine could hear the deep sadness in Cosima's raspy voice.

"I'm sorry this happened at such a bad time".

Cosima rolled her eyes, "You have nothing to be sorry for". She turned toward Delphine, "So, when do you leave?"

"I should get my diploma in a couple weeks, my mom said I should wait here for it so that they don't charge her for international mail or something like that. I'll have to wait until that, then I'll pack and be gone about a week after that. So…three weeks maybe?"

"That's quick," Cosima laid her head on the back of the couch. She sighed and mumbled something about needing weed. "Well," Cosima abruptly turned to Delphine again, a grin appearing on her face, "why don't we make the most of our time before you leave then?"

Delphine thought about the pros and cons. If she spent more time with Cosima before she left, it would surely make it harder, but if she avoided her altogether, she would just be depressed. "Okay. I'd like that," she smiled, relieved not everything was bad at the moment.

Cosima scooched closer on the couch so that there was no space between them, and then she grabbed Delphine's hand and intertwined their fingers. It wasn't something they hadn't done before, but this time they didn't need to pretend it was friendly. Delphine felt herself smiling like an idiot. "Let's just start with this, okay?" Delphine nodded.

Cosima flipped through channels, trying to find something for them to watch, while Delphine ordered delivery on her phone. For the first time in over a year, they fell asleep together on the couch, Delphine's arm wrapped around Cosima's waist.

Cosima had a week off before her last summer session started. Delphine planned to spend every day with her. That was only half the reason she insisted Cosima stay with her, though.

"Delphine, it's fine, I have savings," Delphine rolled her eyes at the girl lounging on her couch. "I don't want you to get sick of me".

"You have enough savings to live in a hotel for several months?"

"First, it's a motel, and second, I'll find a place soon enough…"

"It's nowhere near campus and you don't have a car. You'll have a hard time finding a place to rent without a lease since you've never rented before, and leases are usually a year or two. You'll need a job," Delphine didn't plan on letting it go.

"Then I'll get a job. Who wouldn't want to hire me? I'm spectacular".

"Just stay with me, Spectacular. I'm not taking no for an answer," Delphine handed her a glass of wine. She took it and downed most of it before Delphine even sat down.

"Delphine, I'm going to say something that might sound threatening, but I promise it's supposed to be sexy and, like, clever…kay?" She set her glass on the coffee table.

"Mon Dieu, you worry me, Cosima". Delphine let Cosima take her glass and set it next to her own. She prepared for the worst, but with a smile on her face.

Cosima swung her leg over Delphine's lap so she was straddling her, and then draped her arms over Delphine's shoulders. "_I'm_ not taking no for an answer," she said in some exaggerated tone meant to be seductive.

Delphine vaguely registered that she was biting her lip, but her focus had turned primarily to the home her hands were making on Cosima's thighs. She knew she should respond before it looked like she was genuinely affected by Cosima's words. She couldn't think of anything to say, though, and her lip was still trapped between her teeth. Cosima grinned mischievously.

Rather than play the game that would only elongate the wait she had already endured, Delphine said nothing and opted for action. She slid her hands up Cosima's thighs, effectively relieving the mischievous smile of its position, and slipped her fingers under the bottom of her shirt. She glanced up to Cosima, silently asking permission, which was confirmed after seeing the look in her eyes. She let her hands glide up Cosima's sides so that her shirt rode up with them, and only broke contact when it was time to pull it all the way off. Cosima threw her glasses on top of her shirt and then abruptly pulled Delphine to her until their lips met. She could taste the wine on her tongue.

They both jumped when they heard Delphine's phone going off. Cosima groaned and shoved her hand in Delphine's pocket to fetch the phone. She looked at the caller ID while Delphine giggled at her. Cosima glared and covered her mouth with her free hand before answering the phone. "Scott. What," she grumbled through her teeth. "She's great. If you call this number again within the next eight hours, I will hunt you down. Goodbye," she hung up the phone and put it on the table next to the wine glasses.

"Poor Scott," Delphine commiserated when Cosima removed her hand from her mouth.

"Nah uh, poor Cosi–" her whine was cut short as Delphine lifted her up as she stood. Cosima yelped and wrapped her legs around her waist. She carried Cosima all the way to the bedroom before dropping her on the bed and crawling over top of her.

"You know, even though it's been a while since I've participated in these types of activities, I think eight hours is still considered pretty ambitious…" Delphine lifted her arms when Cosima started peeling her top off.

"Exactly how long has it been?" The brunette stealthily flipped them over so that she had the blond pinned beneath her and began laying kisses down the side of her neck.

Delphine's cognitive capacities were declining quickly, and she was sure that Cosima knew that but was keeping up conversation anyway. "Well…not since I've been in the States, so…more than four years. I don't really remember…the last time…I was with someone…in France, though".

Cosima stopped abruptly and looked straight at Delphine. "So, like, _at least_ four years?" Delphine nodded. "Dude, why didn't you tell me that before? I would have broken up with Shay on the spot just for the sake of your, uh..." Cosima trailed off.

Delphine chuckled, "I don't know about that…" she watched as Cosima traced along her torso with her fingertips. "How did that go, by the way. You never said what happened".

"It…it was a lot less shitty than I thought it would be. I guess I just never thought about the fact that she's kind of always a bitch or maybe I thought she would be infinitely worse when it happened," she sighed and let her gaze follow the fingers that were lightly tickling Delphine's stomach. "I yelled at her a lot. I really wanted to slap her, but I couldn't. She would have taken me down in two seconds".

"I'm really happy for you, Cosima". Delphine brushed her hand over Cosima's cheek. She grinned down at the blond.

"Are you just happy because…" Cosima dipped her head down to kiss her deeply. Delphine felt her body warming as Cosima's tongue glided over hers. The slightest whimper escaped when Cosima lowered herself all the way down, leaving no room between them, skin to skin.

Cosima moved to Delphine's neck again as she caught her breath. "…no…I would have been happy either…way". Cosima slid down her body, nipping at her collarbone and chest. Delphine's hands were trailing along Cosima's back as she traveled, eventually running into the clasp of Cosima's bra. She attempted to maneuver the hooks but couldn't finish before Cosima started giggling. She reached around her back and aided in Delphine's task. After the garment was discarded on the floor, Cosima slid her arm between the bed and Delphine to unhook her bra as well, and then sent it to the floor with her own.

As thoughts of friendship and the boundaries that surround it passed through Delphine's mind, she found her hands moving toward the waist band of Cosima's silky pants. With Cosima working tirelessly on what Delphine knew would turn into a hickey, she slid the tips of her fingers beneath the waistband to join the pile of clothing on the floor.

"Well aren't you just right to the point," Delphine's hands moved back to Cosima's waist, embarrassed for some reason. "Hey, who said you could stop?" Cosima sat up before she could return to her task. Delphine felt her breaths becoming heavier as she felt Cosima unbutton her jeans, unzip them, and eventually tug them off of Delphine completely. She ran her fingers up the center of Delphine's remaining garment, causing her chest to expand with the sudden inhale.

It took her a moment, but Delphine caught her breath enough to rid Cosima of her pants and underwear, after which her own underwear were soon removed. Cosima laid her back down, sliding her thigh between Delphine's legs. The blond felt an unfamiliar chill left on her own thigh – a trail from Cosima straddling her leg. She closed her eyes tight in some attempt to keep any noise from escaping her. Cosima paused right before reaching her lips, her breath blowing across Delphine's lips.

"Delphine, if you don't want this, you can tell me. I don't want you to have regrets," Delphine opened her eyes to a nervous expression from Cosima. She may have looked apprehensive with her eyes squeezed shut, the only reason she could think of for Cosima having insecurities at this point.

"Je n'aurai aucun regret, Cosima," Delphine assured her. She looked Cosima in the eyes while her hand traversed the plains of her torso, stopping only when she found the source of the chilled trail on her leg. Cosima's eyes fluttered slightly and her exhale staggered. Her reaction alone was enough to light a fire in Delphine, which she never remembered feeling with any man. As her fingers explored Cosima's _tsk-_ing folds, she wondered if she was ever really attracted to men. Cosima was the first person to make her feel so strongly about anything. She couldn't imagine any other person she'd want hovering over her, panting beside her neck, moaning softly, and thrusting timidly against her fingers.

Delphine was under the impression that the wet stickiness accompanying a woman would be gross, or at least irritating. She found it to be quite the opposite, though. It wasn't any different from her own and it only represented what Cosima was feeling for her. She felt a bit of pride at the overwhelming pool she knew she had some part in producing. It gave her confidence. Enough confidence to reach down further and dip her finger into Cosima's entrance. The moan from Cosima, along with the quivering of her entire body was enough to tell Delphine she was on a good path. She tried again, two fingers, and built a rhythm to her movements. Cosima was doing over half the work anyways, so Delphine felt like all she really had to do was stay still and watch Cosima come undone.

Soon enough, come undone she did. Cosima collapsed on top of her, tucking her head under Delphine's chin to catch her breath. Delphine appreciated the reprieve since she was dazed by the event as well. She had an odd feeling of power. Not the overpowering kind of power, but something like moving power. It was an odd power because she only possessed it where Cosima gave it to her. She felt confused, but in a way that didn't need clarification to ease her mind. _Is this what all sex is supposed to feel like? Why was this feeling missing from every other experience in my life?_

Cosima finally lifted her head. "Delphine. What. The. Fuck?" The blond stuttered for a moment, clueless. "This is your first time with a female, right?" she nodded. "Well, no offense, but I was kind of expecting the quality to be a little bit, or fully, lacking. It doesn't appear that way, though, and I was not adequately prepared,"

"Maybe I'm just a natural?" Delphine responded awkwardly with a half-laugh. Cosima raised her eyebrow and narrowed her eyes down at the blushing woman. "Oh fine, I may have…researched".

Cosima smiled widely, the reason unbeknownst to Delphine. "Did you watch porn for me?"

Delphine shoved Cosima off of her and sat up, rolling her eyes. Cosima just laughed. "No, I didn't watch porn. I Googled it…" she got up and headed to the kitchen.

Cosima followed close behind. "That's the perfect combination of nerdy, adorable, endearing, and sexy…ner-dor-ing-exy". Delphine opened the fridge and offered Cosima a bottle of water. "And just the way you, like, elegantly strut out here all naked. You are the sole reason the sexy French stereotype exists, Delphine". Delphine rolled her eyes again and shook her head. "So, what did the trusty inter-webs say?"

Delphine leaned on the counter, attempting to remember the parts she wouldn't be embarrassed to say out loud. "Well, one blog said to just do whatever you'd do to yourself, so that sounded easy enough".

Cosima nodded, seemingly disappointed that there was no stuttering over terms and blushing cheeks. "You know, that sounds pretty accurate or whatever, but there is something…" Cosima pulled Delphine by her wrist to the couch and pushed her down. "…that you really can't do to yourself. Comfortably, at least…" she knelt in front of Delphine, bracing herself with the knees she was slotting herself between.

"Oh?" Delphine played along as best she could with a silly grin on her face. "And what might that be?"

"You know, I don't think there's a name for it yet".

"No?"

"No, I actually invented it myself, so…you know, copyright shit and patenting and stock prices or whatever," Cosima waved her hand around as she spoke.

"The hard life of an entrepreneur. I didn't know you were so innova–" Cosima put an end to their banter with an abrupt, firm kiss between Delphine's legs. What would have been a heavy exhale from Delphine was made into a moderately loud groan since she was mid-sentence when Cosima refocused their activities. Her hand moved on its own to the back of Cosima's head, perhaps pulling her in, but Delphine couldn't be sure.

Cosima slid her tongue through Delphine's centre, a feeling that Delphine was familiar with, but in a very different way. A few of her past partners had been so graciously willing to go down on her, but when they did, it didn't feel the same as how Cosima was making her feel. Their stubble scratched against her skin uncomfortably, where the subtle texture of Cosima's tongue were just the right amount of roughness to make her more sensitive. They were sloppy and undirected, where Cosima was precise and experienced.

Experienced.

Experienced, most likely, from Shay. Delphine felt a twinge of jealousy for a moment before changing her mind and viewing this as a victory over Shay. She had won. But Cosima wasn't a thing to win, so Delphine almost immediately felt bad just for thinking it. Fortunately, the thoughts were carried away when Cosima changed direction and speed. Delphine could feel a gentle sucking, forcing her fist to squeeze around Cosima's hair. She didn't seem to mind.

After a few moments, Delphine could sense her hips moving – she knew that she was probably close. She didn't want it to end, though. Only a few minutes was too soon, right? Cosima lasted at least ten minutes, but she was too excited to last even five. It was strange how aroused she felt. With the men she'd been with, her heart raced at the exercise, but with Cosima, her heart raced at the very thought of contact. That was the difference here then. The difference between Cosima and Delphine's past lovers: her past lovers weren't Cosima. Delphine thought that it had to be more than just the fact that she was a woman. It was Cosima herself.

One last stroke of Cosima's tongue brought Delphine to the peak of her high right before an arguably lovelier release. She let her body fall to the couch, one leg hanging off the side as Cosima climbed up to lay on her chest. They kept still for a while, both catching their breath. Delphine felt her eyes starting to droop. Cosima traced her fingers along Delphine's waist.

"Cosima?" she hummed a drowsy response that vibrated on Delphine's chest. "Am I gay?" Cosima snorted and stopped her tracing. She turned her head to look at Delphine with a dumb question kind of smile. "I'm serious…"

"Well, last time I checked you were just Delphine…" she didn't lose her smile, but it softened a bit.

"Okay," she knew it shouldn't matter, that it wouldn't make a difference, but it still bothered her that she couldn't tell. She didn't like women…she just liked Cosima.

After the majority of the evening passed, and both women avoided re-clothing, they ordered in and spent the night in the living room watching television and talking about anything. Delphine thought it was very similar to their first week together. She felt much more relaxed this time around, though. It was probably the most relaxed she'd been since childhood. It went beyond the relaxed feeling she had in her apartment before she met Cosima. Before the apartment felt empty when it was only Delphine present.

"Delphine…are you ever coming back?" Cosima asked quietly.

"I hope," she said automatically. If she was honest, she really wasn't sure if she would. If her mother couldn't find anyone else to help her, she would be there for at least the entirety of whoever's pregnancy, and most likely the beginning of the child's life. She may be there for years. Would Cosima forget her after so long? She wouldn't ask Cosima to wait for her if she didn't even know whether she was returning or not. "I don't want to lose you, Cosima".

The brunette rolled her eyes and laid her head on Delphine's lap, "You're not going to lose me, stupid".

Delphine believed her, and she was grateful for the reassurance, but looking down at Cosima, watching t.v., she thought that maybe Cosima believed it would be her losing Delphine.


	21. TheLastChapter:Long Distance Never Works

**21\. The Last Chapter: Long Distance Never Works**

"Well, we're not really in Lille. It's kind of between Lille and Arras. So, depending on how you get there, around two hours, maybe a little less," Delphine said into the receiver, laying on her bed. For about an hour, while her mother made dinner, she would stay in her old room and talk with Cosima on the phone. Her afternoon was Cosima's morning

"How often do you go there?" Cosima asked excitedly.

Delphine chuckled. "How often do you go to New York?"

"Dude, New York is like a whole day's drive away. Paris is only a couple of hours, you shit head".

"Why are you so curious about Paris?"

"Well, I've researched Lille, like, a tiny bit and…it's a lot less Paris-y than Paris and when I visit you, I'd like to see more than a million castles and museums".

"Right, so I actually applied for a job right outside of Paris," Delphine wasn't quite ready to tell her. She thought it would make it sound like she had no intention of even trying to return. "A part of the assistance I need to provide my family is finances. It's in my field, so…" she felt nervous, like she had to defend herself.

"Oh…uhm…well, do you think you'll get it?" she asked awkwardly.

Delphine swallowed anxiously, "I actually already did".

Cosima was quiet for a while, Delphine thought she may have hung up, but the call was still active. "That's great…what's the place?"

"I'll send you the link. I already forgot the name, which is stupid, I know, but they also have a couple facilities in the states, including Minnesota. There I sent it". She texted one of the links she got when they put her employee ID in the system.

"Le centre DYAD, division européenne: Paris France," Cosima read in an awful accent, "That sounds fancy…"

"Ouais, I think it's just called DYAD in the states. They work with your degree, too. You could apply in the states?" she was just trying to talk so Cosima couldn't. She knew Cosima probably had bigger ambitions than a research facility. Maybe she even insulted her by suggesting.

"Hm…I'll look into it".

"How are your classes going? It's your last semester, right?" she tried a subject change.

"Yep. Pretty good, no Mike, though. It's already halfway done, but I can't really believe it. I'm visiting you after it's over. You have to show me an amazing time because I'm counting it as my graduation party, kay?"

Delphine agreed with a smile. They talked a few more minutes, but eventually Delphine's mother called her for dinner. Her parents never really asked about Cosima, but they knew she was important to Delphine. She wondered what they thought about it. Delphine never really had close friends – it was unusual for her. They didn't realize just how unusual, though.

Delphine wondered how long Cosima would stay when she visited. She'd be happy to take her to Paris, show her around, buy her whatever she wanted. She also wondered if she should introduce Cosima to her parents. And if she did introduce them, what would she call Cosima? She had never discussed it with Cosima since she was moving away. Maybe it would be a bad idea to introduce them. It would be giving Cosima hope for a future that Delphine couldn't promise her.

What could she promise Cosima? She could promise that she would never forget her. She couldn't promise that she would come back to the states, she couldn't promise their relationship would last long distance. She couldn't keep giving Cosima hope that it would work either, hope that their difficult relationship was unwavering. Maybe she shouldn't even let her visit France, maybe she should break it off before either of them got too emotionally invested. She was already emotionally invested, though.

"Send me a picture, _doctor_ Niehaus," Delphine smiled, and she knew it was audible in her voice.

"Does the whole cap and gown thing turn you on?" she responded in a seductive tone. Delphine's phone dinged a second later. She opened the picture of Cosima in her graduation gear, standing in the middle of the stadium where the ceremony was held.

"Gorgeous," she stared at the screen after turning her phone on speaker. She could hear the crowd in the background chatting. "I really miss you".

"Oh yeah? How much do you miss me? For you, I could definitely have Scottie take another picture without the outfit…I'm not wearing anything underneath"

Delphine could practically see Cosima's eyebrow wiggling at her. "Cosima, you're in public, don't talk so loud. And I can see the collar of your shirt under the gown".

"Alright whatever, enough about you. My flight leaves in two weeks. I've been studying my French like crazy and it's exhausting. I can't wait to see you. I have some official stuff to get done before I go though, like passport – _la passport_ \- and shit, so I'll be a little busy".

"Le passport," Delphine laughed, "I'm about to fall asleep, so I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Sweet dreams, babe". Delphine smiled, even though it took some energy.

"Congratulations Cosima".

Delphine arrived at the airport an hour and a half early, buzzing with nervousness and excitement. Her leg wouldn't stop bouncing and her fingers wouldn't stop drumming on the counter in front of her. She hadn't touched any of her coffee, but no one would be able to tell from looking at her.

She saw an old man giving her a funny expression and then making his way over to her. She tried to avoid eye contact, "Mademoiselle, vous allez bien?" She nodded and smiled to appease him. He was the third person to ask if she was alright within the hour she had been there.

She needed a real drink. All she could think about was a boy whose name she couldn't remember that she dated for a while. He lived in Cherbourg and she still lived outside of Lille with her parents. She knew that the relationship failed in part because of her lack of affection and interest, but the distance was also troublesome. He wasn't even that far away relatively – how was she going to keep up this unnamed relationship with Cosima if they were so far away? Delphine, even months after thinking about her future, still wasn't sure when she would be able to move back. She was starting to get attached to the things in her home again, too. Would she be able to do it?

"You gonna finish that coffee, dude?" she heard an oddly accented voice behind her. She turned to see a familiar dreadlocked girl with a backpack.

"Cosima!" Delphine trapped her in a tight embrace, and she laughed as the breath was squeezed out of her. It took a significant amount of willpower for Delphine to let go, but she eventually did. Cosima braced herself on Delphine's shoulder and stretched to whisper in Delphine's ear.

"What's the homo situation over here? Because I really want to kiss you, but I also don't want to cause a riot or whatever," she whispered loudly over the crowded airport.

Delphine didn't need to say anything. She turned her head and kissed Cosima with force. It had been too long. She could feel a smile on Cosima's lips, prompting one of her own. After a moment, she backed away and took Cosima's hand. "So, do you want to see Paris, or are you tired?"

"I'm a stoner, I'm always kind of drowsy. Show me Paris, bitch!"

They spent the afternoon walking around the major tourist locations. Delphine had rented a car, but she wasn't used to driving, let alone driving in a big city. Cosima didn't seem to mind. Off and on, their hands would join as they strolled. Cosima talked about her few weeks of laziness after school had ended. Delphine talked about her new job. After what seemed like endless begging, she finally agreed to give Cosima a tour.

Cosima's company was very demanding, Delphine noticed. But it was an easy kind of demanding because it wasn't hard to comply. She was always talking about something and she was easy to listen to. When Cosima was quiet, she was a great listener. She always asked to go different places and do different things, but she always made sure Delphine was happy, too. She was nothing like her, save the fact they both studied sciences. It was good, though, like puzzle pieces. Delphine calmed her down to a sustainable level of enthusiasm, and Cosima stimulated her enough to forgo the obsessive analysis of everything. Saying goodbye was going to be much harder than she thought.

The end of the night came, and the women had made it back to Delphine's rented car by dark.

"You said you already had a place to stay, right?" Delphine asked with fatigue in her voice.

"Yeah, it's kind of by a lake…" Cosima dug around her backpack for her phone.

"You know, my parents would have been more than happy to have you stay with us. It would have saved you some money". She started driving towards a main road.

"Yeah, I don't want to seem like there's just one thing on my mind, but there is something on my mind and I don't want to engage in that something in your parents house. _Ta parents_!"

"_Tes_ parents. What's the name of the hotel?"

"It's not a hotel, it's an apartment," she scrolled through her emails.

"Oh right, those people who rent out their homes, what's that called?" she shrugged her shoulders, "Don't get robbed".

"I'll try to be inconspicuous about my backpack full of diamonds and gold. Here's the address. Do you know it?" Delphine shrugged her shoulders again but drove in the general direction of the complex.

She felt odd leaving Cosima in an unfamiliar place and just going home after so much time of not being anywhere near each other. She laid in bed and a thought, not even a fully developed thought, kept running through her head: the woman she liked very much was only hours away, not a giant ocean away. Though, even this small distance was frustrating. She kept trying to deny it, push the voice into the depths of her mind, but she knew she wouldn't be able to have a relationship with Cosima if she still lived in France. It would be unfair to Cosima and herself.

Delphine didn't want to ruin Cosima's trip with this information, though. It must have cost most of her savings just to book a flight and she did come all this way to be with Delphine. Every second more she spent with Cosima drove her further into a pit of confusing emotions, none of them strictly positive or negative. If she really committed to ending things at the finale of Cosima's stay, would she be able to handle herself emotionally? Or should she tell Cosima at the beginning so it's not such an unexpected goodbye? She didn't even know how long Cosima was staying and she never brought it up. If Cosima was only staying a couple of days, she should break things off at the end, but if she was staying for a week or two, it may be better to set the precedent that their time needed to be cherished.

Delphine felt a headache coming on. She groaned loudly in frustration, which didn't do much good for the headache. Her mother had come in earlier to ask if she was going to introduce Cosima to them. She didn't have much of an answer. That was just another factor she would have to consider. Surely, it would be figured out by morning somehow.

Morning came and it was definitely not figured out. Delphine buzzed through the motions of dressing and getting ready to pick Cosima up. Her father was still sleeping when she left, and her mother was outside somewhere. She wanted to ask advice, but that would mean telling them what kind of a relationship she had with Cosima, and that would mean knowing what kind of relationship they had.

The trip to the city was too short. Delphine met Cosima at a café near the apartment she was staying in. Cosima didn't notice when Delphine entered, distracted by the far window. She admired her beauty for a moment. Cosima was just smiling out the window, content. Delphine ordered a coffee and paid the old man at the counter.

"Delphine!" Cosima said a bit too loudly when she approached and sat down.

"Bonjour, I see you've been attempting to drink real coffee…" they both looked down at Cosima's nearly untouched black coffee.

"Well, you know, if I drink it all at once I'll get too hyper". Delphine crossed her arms and gave Cosima a look.

"How long have you been here? Did you order by pointing at the menu and giving the cashier puppy dog eyes?"

"I tried ordering in French, but it didn't work out very well. However, Henri here knows some English, so I still got my beverage," Cosima smiled widely at the man approaching their table with Delphine's cup.

He smiled widely back at Cosima and then turned to Delphine, "She tried, but I can see it was difficult. Mais, très bien élevée..." he looked back at Cosima like he was feeling lucky to have such a pretty girl in his establishment.

"What did you say to him to make him think so well of a little trouble-maker like you?" Delphine glared at her and Cosima rolled her eyes.

"Non, non," Henri answered for her, "elle aime mon café. C'est sa deuxième tasse," he smiled proudly at Cosima and walked back to his counter, giddy.

"Second cup?" Delphine raised her eyebrow.

"I've been here for a while," Cosima took a miniscule sip of her coffee and looked back out the window.

"Speaking of that, how long are you staying in France?" she asked awkwardly, joining Cosima in gazing at the grayish tinted street.

"Trying to get rid of me already? I haven't even gotten the chance to impress your parents with my _bien élevée _or whatever".

"No, I wish you could stay forever, it's not that. I just…you never said and I'm curious," her voice became quieter the more she talked.

"I don't really know for sure. My, uh, housing situation back home is up in the air right now. I got a job, though. I'll start soon. I just don't have a whole lot of money to spend on another four months in a motel, you know?"

"What's the job?" Delphine was starting to feel bad about Cosima spending so much money to come all the way to France, probably draining the little savings she had left.

"Well, I went to the DYAD in Minnesota and applied. I killed the interview and they called me within the week".

"That's amazing, Cosima". The brunette grinned and looked at Delphine with her sparkling eyes. "We should talk, though," she broke their eye contact and stared at her coffee instead. She felt like it would be better to tell Cosima now. It may shorten their time together, but Cosima had her future waiting for her and Delphine couldn't bare to be the one stopping that.

"What's up?" Cosima put her listening face on. Delphine had to gather herself for a moment before she could begin to speak.

"I'm still not really sure what our relationship is, but I've had long-distance relationships before and they just…"

"Long-distance never works. I know, man," Delphine was taken-aback by the light mood Cosima was still expressing for a topic that had been weighing her down for weeks. "You think I came here not knowing that? I know saying goodbye will be hard, but it just has to happen. We'll miss each other for a while, but we'll get over it. So, I think it's best to just think kindly on the good times we had and then move on with our own lives, don't you?" Delphine was dumbfounded by the calmness Cosima had. She could only nod. "Okay, good. So, two things. One, Delphine will you be my girlfriend for the rest of our time together?" Delphine nodded again, this time with a sad smile. "Sweet, and two, can you please take me out of here and entertain me already?"

"Come on," she smiled and shook her head, quickly finished her coffee and lead Cosima out.

"Au revoir, Henri! À demain?" Cosima shouted behind her.

He nodded, "Sois sage, au revoir". They waved and Delphine smiled at their quick and easy relationship. Was Cosima this easy to love for everyone?

_Merde. _

_Merde, merde, merde, quoi ? Love ?_

Cosima threaded their fingers together, "So, where are you taking me?"

"I, euh…" Delphine couldn't think now – not about anything besides her last thought.

"Hey, I still get to meet your parents, right? Because I have been practicing my best polite talk and–"

"Oui! Let's do that," she honestly couldn't remember what she had planned for their day anyway. It was as good a time as any.

The drive felt longer than it did coming into the city. Delphine was almost silent, obviously on-edge. She was sure Cosima just thought it was because she was introducing her parents, but Delphine's mind was far from that. Cosima found a radio station she liked, "Demain" was playing by Bigflo & Oli – the only song Delphine recognized from the States. Cosima seemed happy enough. It was actually getting under Delphine's skin. Was Cosima really that accepting or did Delphine just not mean that much to her? She still came a long way to be with her for a while. And now the _love_ thing was involved, too. What was she going to do?

They pulled into the long driveway, Delphine's mother just walking up the porch steps to go inside. Delphine waved and they parked by the side of the house. The slamming of both their car doors as they exited the vehicle brought Delphine back to the present, leaving her a little unprepared for a proper introduction.

"And this is who?" her mother asked in a thick accent. She wasn't fluent, but she knew enough English to get by.

"Bonjour, I'm Cosima. It's nice to, wait…uhm…Enchantée…" she peaked at Delphine for confirmation she said the correct thing.

"Maman, je te présente Cosima, ma…petite amie," Delphine confessed slowly. She'd never even introduced a boyfriend to her parents. "Cosima, this is my mother," she finished just as awkwardly.

Cosima gave a shy wave, both of them waiting for Delphine's mother to react in some way. Her face was unreadable, aside from shock or maybe confusion.

"Where you work?"

"A research facility…lab," Cosima answered the woman nervously.

"You have a degree?"

"Yes, a doctorate…the same as your daughter".

"You are américaine?"

"Yes…but I'm trying my best to learn French…" the woman hummed at Cosima thoughtfully.

"And you love ma fille?"

"I love her very much," Cosima answered firmly and without hesitation. It took Delphine a moment to register it, though, and the moment was interrupted by the light squeal of her mother and the kisses she was planting on Cosima's cheeks.

"Okay okay, you come to say hello to le père de Delphine," she grabbed Cosima by the hand and her English trailed back into French. Cosima looked back at Delphine, whose jaw was still slightly dropped. She eventually followed, opening the front door to the unfamiliar view of Cosima sitting on her family couch with a glass of water in front of her.

"She's looking for your dad I think," Cosima explained as Delphine took the place next to her on the couch. Delphine's mother walked back in after a second.

"Il est...euh, he…fait la grasse matinée…" she trailed off again in search of the right words.

"He likes to sleep in," Delphine provided. Her mother snapped her fingers and sat in the chair across from them. "He'll be up later for you to show off your amazing skill in manners," she poked at Cosima who had not done very well with her mother.

The morning went by fairly slow. Her mother made conversation for a while, just happy that her daughter finally brought someone home, apparently unphased by the type of person. After a while, though, she had to tend to her chores and left the girls to entertain themselves. Delphine was able to furtively avoid bringing up what Cosima had said earlier, half-convinced she was just lying to appease the intimidating woman who was interrogating her and too scared to know the real answer. Instead, Delphine decided to make lunch for everyone. Her father would be awake by then.

Cosima sat on the floor next to Delphine's feet after being smacked on the arm for continuously trying to be affectionate. She was sure that Cosima knew she loved it anyways, but she wasn't going to set an example that unlimited PDA was fine in her parent's presence.

When Delphine called her mother inside for lunch, she was starting to feel the nervousness build up again. While Delphine and Cosima set the small kitchen table, the older woman went to wake Delphine's father.

"Dude," Cosima whispered, "I'm starting to kind of freak out. Is your dad nice?"

Delphine thought about it for a moment, "He isn't mean, but he's not particularly cheerful and happy".

Before Cosima could inquire further, an older man entered the room behind Delphine's mother. He definitely looked like he just woke up. He sat down at the table and Delphine's mother sat next to him. She gestured toward Cosima and spoke quietly to the man, most likely introducing her before he rudely asked _who is that_. Cosima and Delphine could both hear "petite amie" softly uttered by her mother and then not so softly repeated by her father. He looked up at Cosima with a scrutinous expression, and then back to his wife. He nodded and shrugged his shoulders and Delphine's mother smiled before inviting the girls to sit down as well.

"You are Cosima, non?" the man said after a couple bites of the food they'd made.

Cosima stuttered for a moment, "I, uh, yes that's me". The man gave her a curt nod and said nothing more.

Lunch went by slowly and silently for the most part. The large man seemed comfortable enough, but Cosima, Delphine and her mother were all very tense. The clanking of silverware on plates was the only noise in the house until they finished their meal. Delphine's mother placed her hand on Cosima's when she was getting ready to start some kind of conversation, silencing her, and bringing everyone's attention back to the large man. He had his arms crossed and was staring at Cosima with concentration.

"Okay, come with me," he finally said as he got up.

Cosima and Delphine both got up and followed him to the door. He turned and scowled at Delphine, then shook his head, silently instructing her to stay. She backed away, but Cosima's expression turned to one of horror. Delphine knew her father wasn't going to do anything to Cosima, but it was all uncharted territory for everyone. Delphine didn't know how her father reacted to bringing a significant other home – boy or girl.

He opened the door and gestured for Cosima to go first. One last look of _goodbye forever_ and they were both gone, and the door closed behind them.

"Maman?" Delphine turned to her mother with a questioning and frantic look. She shushed her and guided Delphine back to the living room. Neither of them said much, but her mother stayed with her for a bit while she hyperventilated about Cosima's absence. There was no clue as to what her father was doing.

The afternoon went by glacially. Delphine felt like she lost weight just from maintaining such a high heartrate and pacing the large house. She tried cleaning, but the house was already in perfect shape. When her mother returned, Delphine was ready to pass out from exhaustion. Before she could complain, though, she heard footsteps and the deep grumbling she knew to be her father's laughter.

"Go clean yourself," were the first words Delphine and her mother heard as the two returned to the house finally. I flush of terror washed over Delphine when she got a glimpse of Cosima, but it soon passed when she realized that the dark red flecks all over her body were from grapes.

"Dude, Delphine your dad has this old thingy for smushing the grapes and he even let me stomp on some in a bucket. I'm pretty much a professional wine-maker now," she said, out of breath.

"Non," the man corrected. "Elle, je l'aime bien. Garde celle-là," he said to Delphine before taking his leave for the afternoon. Delphine's mother pointed Cosima to the washroom. The blonde kept quiet throughout the whole interaction, stunned and confused.

"Tiens," her mother handed her the cash from her purse. "You go somewhere nice to eat," she ordered sweetly, and Delphine nodded. Cosima came out of the bathroom, cleared of red and purple flecks. Delphine's mother approached her and gave her a customary kiss on the cheek. "Visit again soon, okay?" Cosima's dopey grin lit up her face as she nodded, and once again, Delphine's mother left them to themselves.

"What?" Delphine said, coming up with nothing better.

"Let's go, gorgeous," she avoided and headed toward the door.

Still dizzy from spending her afternoon in a semi-panic-attack state, Delphine was quiet most of the drive back into the city. She concentrated on the radio.

"Two things," Cosima said out of nowhere. "One, I…I meant it. What I said earlier today. I really meant it and I don't need you to say anything back, I just wanted you to know".

"…okay," Delphine answered cautiously, not sure she was strong enough to lay her feelings out when they didn't have much time before they'd likely never see each other again. She wasn't as brave as Cosima.

"Second, a while ago, when I was still dating Shay, you were kind of ranting about her I think, but it was in French. You said a word that I thought I knew the meaning of, but I figured I just didn't hear you right, but then your dad said it today. Kind of like shit but with an 'n' instead of a 't'?"

"Chienne?" Delphine questioned, impressed that Cosima retained the memory for so many months.

"Yeah, what's it mean?"

"Ehm, dog. Why?"

"Like bitch?" Cosima smiled some clever smile.

"Not exactly, but I wouldn't _not_ use that word…Also, that doesn't sound anything like shit".

"Shut up. We all know I'm vulgar, but it's good to know when I can expect it from you. Now, where are you taking me for dinner?"

"Somewhere shitty," Delphine smiled to herself. She had no idea where they were going.

They didn't drive too much longer, hunger compelling them to just choose something. Their short meal was spent talking mostly about Cosima's time with Delphine's father – a quiet encounter with a lot of pointing and nodding for instruction. He obviously liked Cosima, though, and she seemed to like him, too, which wasn't common for the man. Delphine wondered if they talked about her at all or their relationship.

They were in a relationship officially, she realized. For however long it may last – weeks, days, hours – they were together. Delphine knew it would probably just make things harder when Cosima had to leave, but she still enjoyed it. The status or the title just made her feel different, like she earned something that she waited so long for and worked so hard for. But it would vanish soon enough, all the waiting and the effort put into being with Cosima. Would it all have been for nothing if she never sees her again? How long would Cosima wait for Delphine to move back to the States? Months? Years?

But she couldn't ask Cosima to wait for her, she'd already been over this in her head a thousand times. It wasn't worth it. Cosima said it herself, long distance never works, and she had already accepted the fact that, once they parted ways, the relationship would be over. Delphine didn't want that, though. Regardless of whether she ever said it out loud to Cosima or not, Delphine loved her.

Moving back to the States would be hard. She would need to find some way to care for her family beyond financially. She had a good job, but could it support herself and her family? If she moved to the states, she would need to find a place to live. But could she quit her job so soon after starting? She could request a transfer, but there was no guarantee that she would get it. Most of the American divisions were fully staffed, but the one in Paris still had open positions. It wouldn't make sense to send her to the States. Her family needed her at the house anyway. She could move back the second her parents were getting help from family again, but she'd be away from them. She missed her family. They couldn't all move to the States with her, right?

"Or we could just sit in silence, that works, too," Cosima's voice vaguely registered in Delphine's head, making her hum in response and glance over at the American girl with her eyebrow raised. "You have been totally zoned out for like twenty minutes. Are you okay?"

Delphine nodded, "I'm fine, I…I just don't want you to leave yet".

"I'm not, I'm sitting right here and you're my ride, so…" Cosima nudged her with her elbow.

"You know what I mean," Delphine sighed and dug the car keys out of her pocket. They started walking back in the direction of their vehicle. "When do you start your job?"

"Three days," Cosima said quickly and quietly.

"Three days?" Delphine repeated quickly and not at all quietly. "No, that's too soon. You can't leave so soon, you just can't," she shook her head and avoided eye contact, not sure what was happening to her or where her words were coming from.

"Dude, don't cry," she stopped in front of the blonde and wiped the tears she didn't realize had fallen.

"I love you, too Cosima," she said without thinking, as if it was a defense against her departure.

Cosima sighed, "Okay, let's go to the apartment. I didn't think you'd…I just…let's just go, okay?" Delphine didn't respond, but she didn't argue. Cosima took her hand and basically dragged her back to the car.

The drive was completely silent. Even with the radio it felt noiseless. Delphine knew Cosima was leaving, but she didn't know it was so soon. She thought she had at least a week. But three days? That would mean Cosima would leave in at least two days, probably more if she wanted to avoid a first day plagued with jet lag. Delphine knew she was acting like a child, but she couldn't help feeling like throwing a tantrum. It wasn't fair that she had to wait a whole year for Cosima, and then when she finally got her, lose her again. It wasn't fair at all.

"Alright, let's go," Cosima said when they were parked in front of the building. Delphine waited in the car for a moment, feeling angry, until she saw Cosima going on without her. She jumped out of the car and followed her to the door.

They climbed the steps in silence, walked the halls in silence, and entered the apartment in silence. Cosima tossed the keys on the table near the door and disappeared into the next room. Delphine hovered by the door and inspected the details of the apartment she could see. It was clear why Cosima chose it. If pictures were posted online, she would've been instantly drawn to it. Everything matched her style. It looked like the owners may also be marijuana enthusiasts.

"Do you like the people?" Delphine called out as she ventured further into the apartment.

"Who?" Cosima called back, and Delphine followed the noise.

"Whoever's apartment this is…" She saw Cosima sitting at a desk, doing something on her laptop.

Cosima turned around in the chair with a tired smile, "So, I wasn't going to do this quite yet, but it seems you're taking everything kind of bad, so we'll just end it tonight".

"What, no Cosima I'm sorry," she felt her heart and every other relevant organ fall to the pit of her stomach. Wherever her heart landed, she felt it radiating throughout her whole body.

"Dude, Delphine you are making this so hard and you're making me feel like a dick. Just listen for a sec, okay?"

Delphine swallowed and nodded, purposely paralyzing her body so she couldn't embarrass herself by begging at Cosima's feet. "I'm listening".

"Good. Look, I just want to start off by apologizing. I have a feeling you're going to hate me a little bit after I finish. But to be fair, you kind of ruined it for the most part, even though I was the one to make it hard, but still…"

"You're not making any sense, Cosima," Delphine felt drained, not sure she wanted to keep listening. She sat on the armchair by the window. The view wasn't bad.

"Delphine, I'm the people whose apartment this is…" Cosima stated with a shrug. The blonde didn't respond, confused. "My name is on the lease. All this shit is mine," she gestured around the room. Delphine wouldn't doubt it, everything felt like Cosima.

"But, why? If you start your job in three days, then–"

"I'm going to work at DYAD, just not the one in Minnesota," she explained.

"But you said you applied there…"

"I did. And in my interview, I asked how hard it would be to be transferred to the lab here. They said it wouldn't be that bad because there's openings here, and voila".

"But…but you said that goodbye will be hard?" Delphine was starting to feel even more confused, but not by the content, by her feelings. She felt relieved and happy and everything good, but she didn't believe it. She couldn't believe it. Hope and fantasy were the things that got her so worked up in the first place.

"Yeah, goodbye to the U.S. and shitty Minnesota," she smiled and swiveled her chair back and forth.

"You said we'll miss each other for a while but we'll get over it…or something like that?"

"My parents. They basically hate me, but I'm sure they'll miss me a little. It won't last long".

"And what about thinking kindly about the good times and moving on?"

"Thanks for the weed San Fran, but I'm busy in Paris now. Delphine can you just shut up and kiss me already? I went through a shit ton of work for this and I'd rather just make out than be interrogated".

Delphine could feel an enormous smile warming her cheeks, but she was still paralyzed. If this was a dream, she wasn't sure if she could bear waking up. It couldn't be a dream, though, because she was feeling a million intense things and they were clear and real.

Cosima rolled her eyes and got up to approach Delphine instead. She climbed onto the chair and straddled the frozen Frenchwoman. "Thanks for recommending that job by the way. It was like the only reason they let me in this country of yours, aside from my love story". She leaned down slowly and kissed Delphine lightly, perhaps just trying to wake her from the trans she'd fallen in. Fortunately, Delphine was aware enough to kiss her back. She grabbed her waist and pulled her closer, thankful for the large size of the chair. She could barely kiss properly with the smile taking over her facial muscles. She was pretty sure there was occasional laughing coming from her as well.

"Why did…are you here for me?" Delphine finally made noise.

"Well, I asked you to build me an island, so I just figured this was it and I followed. France is an island, right?" Cosima moved to Delphine's neck while she answered.

"Aside from all the countries bordering it…sure, France is an island. But America is still your home?"

"Delphine," Cosima sat up and smiled with mild irritation, "I've only ever really complained about everything there. I don't have ties, and I don't have family beyond my parents and the kindness your parents showed me in the afternoon I spent with them was twice as kind as all the kindness my parents have ever shown me in all my years of life combined. It wasn't a hard decision. Science, music, people, friends, everything a person likes can be found anywhere you go. You're pretty much the only thing I really like in the world that only has one location".

"Love, apparently…" Delphine smiled to herself.

"Yeah, I thought you would be the first person that I would confess that to, but apparently it was your mom," Cosima laughed at herself. "So…you wanna see the bedroom?" Delphine blushed, but nodded and followed Cosima through the small apartment.

Two hours passed and the women were too tired to keep their eyes open, let alone engage in physical activity. Delphine still felt high, or perhaps still dizzy from her afternoon of anxiety. She didn't want to remember how she felt when she thought Cosima was leaving so soon. Instead, she thought about their future, how they would be working in the same place. They could get lunch every day, maybe even be working near each other. She could see Cosima whenever she wanted. They could hold hands on Cosima's couch and watch t.v. like they always did before. They could live together eventually. Everything was more than Delphine could ever ask for. She didn't have to live in a world without the beautiful creature that had already fallen asleep on her chest. Delphine slipped the glasses off her nose, folded them on the bedside table, and turned out the lamp.

.

Et voilà, une putain de fin heureuse.


End file.
